Hi all, new here and not really sure how it all works. I lost my fiance in January due to a short illness (not covid related) we were supposed to be married the next day. I’m struggling to come to terms or even accept his death, he was only 36. Due to the covid restrictions I didn’t get to see him until he was in a coma and I cant get past not being able to speak to him while he was awake and tell him I loved him. I no he already knew it but I needed 1 last conversation and it was taken away. We have been together 9 years and have 2 children together age 5 and our baby turned 1 exactly 7 days after his daddy passed. I’ve always struggled with my mental health I have reactive depression and anxiety disorder and ptsd from childhood abuse. There’s things I don’t say outload because I worry I’d lose my kids, but since losing stephen I’ve had many thoughts on being with him as selfish as that sounds. I’m sorry to ramble but today has been particularly hard and I can’t seem to get put of this black hole. I’m not looking for sympathy I just needed to get it out, I dont have anyone to talk to anymore and grief is the loneliest place in the world.
I feel so much for you . My husband died in December . He was given twelve months to live but died within four weeks . He was in hospital for 16 nights and I was unable to see him. Absolutely heart breaking.
Please stay strong for your children 
X
Hi my heart breaks for you please get support through this site or speak to your GP. I lost my husband 10 months ago and struggle every day but I go on for my children and granddaughter. Your children are so young and need you as hard as it is you have to grieve and also look after 2 babies please message me anytime you need to x
Hello @Caroline21. So sorry for your loss and very glad that you reached out to this site. So many of us have a heart breaking story to tell and this is where you can be honest about your feelings without being judged. We all feel for you in your pain so please keep posting. If you get stuck for help or advice for getting paperwork sorted please try the Bereavement Advice Centre as they can cover almost everything you need to do. https://www.bereavementadvice.org/ Phone 0800-634-9494
Love and light. x
I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe see if there is a local Homestart scheme or similar voluntary organisation where they can provide you with someone to support you and your children. Xx