I think it is not fair, we should have had another 20 years together,I’m devastated my sweetheart has gone, car’nt eat , sleep ,so much to do, no one understands that I’m dieing , how do I carry on, I adored her, she was so sweet. My best friend, partner, lover and now she gone. I’m surposed to carry on for my children, but I don’t know how, so sad
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It is so hard but we keep going one breath at a time. I am over a year on and know that I have to keep going for my kids. What I want is impossible - I want him to come back and be with us. All I can hope is that eventually we will be together again. Reach out to anyone who will listen and keep posting here. Take care
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Dear Ian
How very sad that you’ve lost your beautiful partner. Please accept my sympathy and that of us all at Sue Ryder.
You don’t say when you lost her, but all that matters is how you find your way through each day without her. By making contact on here you’ve taken the first step in asking for help and support through this painful time. I’m glad you found us and had the courage to write. You have probably seen that other people on here are very kind, and use their pain to help others.
I’m sending you all the best Ian, as you try to manage the shock of loss, hang on in there. We are here for you at any time.
Miche24
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I’m so sorry for posting my message then not even thanking you for your kind thoughts, I don’t have face book or anything like that so I’ve never posted anything ever. My partners funeral was Monday, we were together twentyseven years, she was my life,I’m really having a terrible time, I don’t want to live without her ,I’m told that I’ve got to carry on but I really carnt see that anything could ever get better, I miss her so much . I’ve never cryed so much in all my life, men are supposed to be strong, I thought I was until I found my sweetheart had passed away in the night, she was fit and well, and I’ve still had no answers, I’m feeling that I’ve nothing to live for, I don’t know how people can get through this, grief is something that I have never had to deal with before , life will never be the same, thankyou for your kind thoughts.
So sorry for your loss Ian.
It is very early days yet for you and given the circumstances you describe of your lovely wife’s passing, you must still be in shock.
I’m slightly ahead - 10 weeks since my dear husband was found dead in bed - also sudden and unexpected, and there are often moments when I can’t believe it has happened and he has gone.
How can someone who was so full of life just not be here any more?
I too cannot imagine a future or what it will look like, so I’m just focusing on the here and now.
Getting through one day at a time is good enough for now.
You are not wrong when you say that life will never be the same - how could it be?
So that must mean that life will be different and it will take us time to adjust to that different life, even though we didn’t want it to change.
Don’t be too hard on yourself regarding your tears.
It’s not the 1950’s and men are as entitled to cry, should they need to, as anyone else.
It’s part of being human.
I read somewhere (probably on this site) that tears happen when words just aren’t enough.
Take care.
How very sad that you have had to go through the same thing as me, I can tell you loved your husband very much, your pain must be awful, I send you my deepest sympathy. I never thought that anyone could be feeling as I do, I will be thinking of you as I try to get through the coming days
I thought I was mentally stable before this happend but I’ve been doing and thinking stupid things , I even convinced myself that my beautiful lady had been unfaithful and never even loved me, I said some things out loud to myself that were terrible, she loved me very much and would never do anything to hurt me, I feel terrible for even thinking like this. I HOPE that your coping better than I am, this is not what I would of thought grief was like, maybe it’s just me.
I hope you can find a way to get through your sadness , kind regards ,Ian.
My husband died unexpectedly- went out for his evening run and never came back. There is the trauma of the suddenness and the total shock that your life has been ripped apart. You can sign up here or with Cruse for counselling - talking to someone helps to voice all those feelings, it’s worth trying. You also might want to look at Megan Devine’s website - refugeingrief.com She lost her partner suddenly and is a therapist so she knows what she is talking about. Try to get support from whoever offers it. As for crying, I rarely cried before this happened - you just can’t help it when your world has been ripped apart, it’s totally natural. Take care
Dear Ian
I’m so very sorry you are facing such grief, and that awful hiatus when the funeral is over and life stretches before you with no will or purpose. I see you have had some understanding replies which I hope has reassured you that others care, and have been through or are going through similar experiences as you.
I agree that you don’t have to be strong and not cry; it’s generational, but giving into your loss is actually a big reliever of the stress of sorrow.
Please don’t hesitate to call the Samaritans phone number 116123
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CruseBereavement - helpline on 0808 808 1677
Sue Ryder also has a grief bereavement counselling service. Please ask for help if you are feeling desperate Ian, there are ways we can help you through this devastating time.
affectionately,
Miche24