Lost

New here. My entire life has been a story of loss. Everyone I have ever loved has gone apart from my husband and my very elderly dog.
My big brother, my last remaining original family member passed away in September this year, aged 67, and I just feel totally alone and lost.
I have my husband who is a good man, but without a family of our own (we were unable to have children), we have never truly bonded and he has always found it hard to show his love to me (or to anyone else). I sometimes feel that I have never been enough for him, which is probably down to the fact that I was the one responsible for us not being able to have a family of our own. We did look into adoption but he told me that he would rather get divorced than adopt someone else’s child. He was just expressing how much he didn’t want to adopt and wasn’t aiming to hurt me although you can imagine that it did hurt at the time.
My niece has said that I am selfish for expressing my feelings about losing my brother (her dad) and I do feel so very guilty for hurting as deeply as I do. My heart aches for the family I loved so very dearly and by whom I knew I was loved. My heart still longs for the child I never had.
Just how does anyone move on when it feels that their reasons for living have all but gone?

I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost so many people in your life. It sounds as though you are feeling very lonely, especially as your relationship with your husband can be distant, and you weren’t able to have children. Not being able to have children can be another kind of grief in itself for many people, but whatever fertility problems you had are certainly not your fault.

I hope that being part of this Online Community can help you to feel a little less alone - there are lots of others here who have lost loved ones and will understand some of what you are feeling. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may wish to read and reply to some posts from others in similar situations, for example:

I wonder if you have ever had any kind of counselling or bereavement support? It sounds as though you have been through an awful lot, and some people find that talking things through with a neutral person really helps them to process what has happened and start to move on.

Hi am alan my partner jayne just died at 54 just 2 weeks ago and am feeling totally lost and all alone and too top it all her her kids are trying to take house i shared for 12 years with her away from me when am going through this and i feel lost and ready to give up

Hi Shebbie

I too dont have any family and lost my dearest 15 months ago and lost two other close ones almost the same time - so lost the lot in one go so as to speak. I cant understand your niece saying your selfish because you miss your brother -she should be more understanding about it. I really dont know what to advise as I am in the same situation but were not allowed to have animals here so it might be a case of moving just so I can have an animals

Back to top