Struggling today, 15 months since my husband passed, I’d like to say it’s gotten easier but if anything now is the worst. Most people say time is a healer but I just feel lost
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Hi, I hope you don’t mind me asking but is the intensity of your feelings still the same?
Is there no release to how you are feeling?
Xxxxxx
I have bad days and okay days, today is just a bad day, I really struggle weekends, holidays you know family times, in the week I can bury my self in work and school runs etc. I feel like the first year I was on autopilot and just going through the motions trying to keep busy to block out the pain but as time goes on I guess it is this feeling of dread and confusion and sadness in the pit of my stomach and learning to instead of trying to bury it and distract myself to actually acknowledge it because if I don’t I don’t think I will ever be able to heal. Xxx
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Hi Paramore - I am nearly 2 years without my lovely husband and it has not got easier for me either. I have only recently found this site after seeing the ad on tv. It has helped a bit, in so much as I realise other people are suffering as I am. I have had such helpful advice & platitudes from so called friends - it will get easier, time is a great healer, you are young enough to meet someone else!! The list goes on. On my wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago a friend rang me, asked if I was alright & when I replied not so good he asked why what’s wrong - he was at our wedding! I do not say much to them nowadays, I think it is easier to keep how I am feeling to myself. I still feel lost & cheated. I was only 59 when he died and we had so many plans & hopes for the future. Hopefully this site will help you. Take care, Alison xx
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Thank you for your kind words, yes I saw the advert too!
I just feel my friends and family don’t understand. I too feel so cheated, My husband was 33 he had his whole life ahead of him, we had our whole life ahead of us!!! Now I’m a 36 year old widow and feel that my life ended the day he died. I only keep going for our son, if it wasn’t for him I don’t know where I would be and that scares me
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You will keep going, you have your son to live for. You are obviously strong - you have got through 15 months. I had those awful dark thoughts, but my 80 year old mum kept me going & I could not do anything to hurt her. It would have destroyed her. She had lost my dad 15 months prior to my husband leaving. I tell you - that woman has more go in her than I do, she is amazing. Life is so hard - nothing prepares us for this crap. Have you had any counselling? I had some through the hospice and it helped, but think I could do with some more to help me say a way through this darkness. 
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I had counselling in the early days through the hospice about 7 sessions I think but I was so distraught I spent most the sessions crying hysterically, I am on the waiting list for some more through other pathways but I’m not sure if it will help but I’m willing to try anything.
Thank you x
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The early days counselling is helpful, but like you I think I need some now. I cannot seem to get over it & keep replaying things in my head. It might help you. Keep strong. We are all in this club that none of us want to be in - would have never believed I would be without him, he was such a big, strong man. Take care xx
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Same to you lovely 
Hi Paramore
I lost Ian just over two years ago and like you, I don’t believe time heals. In fact, I just feel worse and miss him more and more with every day that passes. We were together for over forty years and he was my best friend. I just feel so alone now despite support from family but they live a long way from me.
The thought of more years like this just fills me with horror ………
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27th July it’s been a year. I still think of him every day, she’d a tear and worse when I’m in bed trying to sleep. Does it get easier? Cos at the moment it is hell 
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