Lost

My darling husband died totally unexpectedly on Christmas Eve . I spent 59 years to find him and he was so kind and wonderful and loving and we had only four and a half together. I’m devastated he was the most wonderful man and I can’t see a way forward.

LucyC, I am so very sorry to hear that your husband died so unexpectedly on Christmas Eve. It’s understandable that you can’t see a way forward at the moment - your loss is still very recent and raw.

Do you have a good support system around you? A close friend or family member you can talk to perhaps? It’s important to have someone you can talk to so you’re not bottling everything up. This community is here to support you too.

If there’s anything you think we can support you with, please do send me a message.

Take care,
Eleanor

So sorry for your loss,I lost my lovely husband last may,and every day is a struggle,I know what you mean when you say it’s hard to see a way forward.I’m sorry I can’t offer more comforting words but what I can say is you’re not alone,the pain won’t go away but we can share it with others who feel the same.Thinking of you ,Corinna xx

Thank you Corinna xx

Hi LucyC, I am so sorry for you. Life will get better, neaver the same but the thing is, life goes on even if we don’t want it to. The first few months are the hardest and we have to keep going. Now I look back and I don’t know I did get through but I did and you will, believe me. People tell you how to be but you have to do what’s right for you each day/hour. They also say take care of yourself but that’s just the last thing you want to do. So many of us on this site have and still are feeling like you, you are not the only one to feel bad, that helps me to say ok I will make today and tomorrow will be another day and I don’t worry about tomorrow.
Blessings

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Susie your words are comforting, and I think one day at a time is the only way, but on one enormous level l dont want life to move on because my darling husband gave me such happiness and I don’t want to leave him behind for ever, but I know what you say makes sense. I can’t Imagine a world when things will be better. That’s sounds self indulgent but is true. However you do give me some hope of strength with your words and I have realised that despite age, lifestyle and money grief is just universally terrible.

thank you xx

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I’d suggest having a browse of the website “What’s Your Grief”. There is a lot of information on the idea of Continuing Bonds. No need to leave your husband behind, probably impossible anyway.

Hello, no we can’t and shouldn’t ‘leave’ our loved ones, I tell my lovely husband every evening what I have been doing and first thing in the morning I say good morning. Some people would think I am mad but he may not be here in person but that doesn’t stop me from thinking he just may be able to hear. Sometimes when I am stuck with something I ask him to help me, there’s no on else, well I do have a cat but this helps me. No you can’t and shouldn’t think that you will leave him behind.
You are right, other things in life may make our journey easier but nothing alters what has happened, we change over time but my darling will always be part of me.
Yorkshirelad1950, yes I will look at that web site, it’s good of you to share, anything that helps to make each day easier is worth trying.
xxx

No thank you my darling boy will always be with me xxx and yes I too have a cat and yes that simple love helps just a little

I talk to my Brian all the time, ask his advise and feel certain he is guiding me. I have done something tonight that I’m not sure whether it’s right or not. I walked over to the cemetery in the dark and had a chat with him. I know he will guide me. I go to the cemetery everyday and chat. I talk to his photo’s around the house. I even tell him off if I’m having a bad day and tell him it’s all his fault I feel so rotten. I write to him every night telling him everything I’ve done that day. I promised him he would always be with me and I’m always trying to please him still.

Oh Pattidot i so love and understand your love and devotion I know even now so early having lost my darling husband there is no wrong xxx

Hi, it’s so nice to know I am not the only one who talks to their loved one who is not actually still here. I am sure that he has shown me how to do things and told me off for being silly, just wish I could touch him. Sad.
Keep smiling.xxx

Hi, it’s so nice to know I am not the only one who talks to their loved one who is not actually still here. I am sure that he has shown me how to do things and told me off for being silly, just wish I could touch him. Sad.
Keep smiling.xxx

Hi. I lost my partner 5 months ago. I can’t seem to move forward. I talk him a bit now and kiss his photograph in my bedroom. I don’t want to move on without him. X

Lilypetal, in the great big scheme of things 5 months is nothing, so please stop worrying. I still do both, talk to my soul mate and kiss his photo, so we are not the only ones, we just admit to it! Please can I ask, what do you want to move onto? I have got so use to people telling me I should move on, I always ask them, were I am supposed to move onto?
We’re i am is were I am and nothing can alter that, time will move on and so will I because life doesn’t stop but move onto, to me seems strange. In time all things change and my grief will change but it will not mean I will stop loveing my soul mate, my loved one. That doesn’t happen in my world. Don’t worry about what others think but what you feel is right for you, that is what matters.
Blessings

Just like me Susie, Just a minute to feel him. I touch his photo’s. His face, hands, arms. I love dancing and had the urge to dance for the first time in months. Putting on some good dancing music I picked up the small urn I have with just a small amount of his ashes in and danced around the house with it, going from room to room, up and down the stairs. He didn’t like dancing and would have probably told me to stop being so daft, but it gave me comfort.

Pattidot, that is lovely and I know how you felt. Life is funny without our loved ones but we must just get on it, life as it goes on and we are still here. Hard, very hard.
Blessings

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