I lost my partner in April, we had been together 18 years, we have a girl of 16 and I have a son of 27. My son and I had to do cpr on my partner. I relive it daily. I check in on how my children are all the time, we are very open. Whilst I’ve taken care of the funeral, work, house, children and money, I have forgotten about myself and for the last few weeks I’ve cracked, I’m lost, I’m forgetful, cry all the time, dropped the ball at work, feel a failure, feel sick, stare into space all the time, miss him so much, feel guilty if I go out which is usually a lunch with the children For a change of scenery. I don’t sleep much and when I do I feel worse, I’m exhausted, but I’m lost, so so lost, I had an appointment with the gp this weekend but it got cancelled due to the IT problem, I miss him and can’t cope without him, I want him back, it took me so long to find the love of my life and now he’s gone, he protected us so much, his family were a nightmare and he protected us from them, I included them in the funeral- against his wishes but they are very simple people and lack common sense, are very childish, I’ve had to block them on the phone and social media and that includes the wider family which I know my partner would have wanted. I am so lost without him, but I know I need help and that’s why I booked to see the gp.
Hi there,
Sorry you’re feeling so bad. You are actually doing well in recognising you need support and it’s a shame the appointment was cancelled. Hopefully you’ll be able to make another.
It’s 8 weeks since my husband.
I did CPR for 15 minutes until help arrived. I honestly believe that this sometimes causes PTSD on its own, and with grief on top of that is a real shock to the system.
I don’t have any answers, but I do understand and have empathy with how you are feeling.
Love and hugs. Xx
Hi Thankyou for replying. We did cpr for 15 minutes too and I agree it feels like you suffer ptsd. I just want him back, I feel alone, he should be here, we still had plans of things we wanted to do, I’ve spent all morning crying, laying awake for most of the night and I’m just exhausted but inconsolable. How are you doing now, I’m so sorry for your loss, how are you coping? X
Hi @Treadingwater I’m so sorry for your loss and for all the struggle that you’re having at the moment.
It is so difficult when you have children, but make sure you look after yourself - it is really important. I also found I was so busy organising everything and trying to make sure my kids were ok that it took a while for the reality to sink in. At around 3 months all my energy to hold it together just disappeared and I was left with pure pain and heartache every minute of every day.
I’m 4 months in and it is still so hard. I have 4 kids aged between 16 - 24 and they are all finding it so hard to deal with their pain and sadness. They are my priority at the moment but I also know I don’t want them to worry too much about me.
It’s good you have recognised you need some help. I haven’t returned to work yet so can only imagine how much you have been trying to juggle.
Try take some time for you, get rest when you can, try eat well - even if you dont want to - and lean on others if they are around.
This site is good for support and kindness and a place where you can write how you truly feel without any judgement or criticism.
Keep posting if it helps. It has helped me to be able to keep going by writing how I feel, when those supporting me just have no idea of how and what I am experiencing.
Sending some strength. Xx
Thankyou, at 3 months was when it hit me. Your words are so wise and helpful. My children are my priority, for us all they have to be. Such an unexpected event has changed our whole lives. I’ve found that everyone is there for you leading up to and during the funeral and then they think you’re ok as you’ve shown such strength but it’s now that you need those people the most. Reaching out on here I feel is my only option, although I do need to see my gp, but friends run a mile and do not realise this is the hardest part. I hope you can find comfort somehow and somewhere. I will take onboard you’re great advice, Thankyou and take good care of yourself and family xxxx
You are absolutely right that this is the hardest part. Many of my friends have disappeared as like you say they either don’t know what to say or would rather not see me sad and not as I usually am.
Some good friends and family have really let me down but I am trying hard to accept that and move on.
I do have a few really good friends who take me out when I can face it, and just listen when I need to offload. But it feels like a burden for them and they also miss my husband.
I have a good friend whose husband died suddenly 3 years ago, but she has dealt with it very differently from me and doesn’t recognise my kids struggles as hers were not close to their dad like mine are. It just shows how differently we all react and grieve - sometimes that makes me feel even more lonely as I know my husband would have just got what I was thinking and feeling.
Sorry I’m rambling on again. Just do what’s right for you and keep posting here as people really understand and that helps me feel a little less alone.
Xx