Lost

I lost my beloved husband 2 weeks ago and honestly the only thing I can feel is loneliness, disinterest on everything. I am lost and don’t really know what to do.

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss I cant imagine what emotions your going through I lost my soulmate of seventeen years I October every day is getting worse I hope you find this forum helps in some way all we want is our loved ones in our arm take care as much as possible your in my thoughts x

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My heart goes out to you. The worst possible thing that can happen to you has taken place and your body and mind are feeling with the shock and unbearable grief. I lost my husband in September, and l never realised such pain and sorrow existed. For many weeks I couldn’t leave the house,eat,sleep, or talk to any without breaking down in floods of tears.l believed no one could have been through such heartache as this. Then l found this forum and realised there are so many of us going through exactly the same hell. It helped so much to know what I was experiencing is normal,that it’s OK not to be OK. There is no answer in how to cope, just take care of yourself and only do what you want to do, when you feel able to cope with it. Kathx

Hi Kath so so sorry to hear about your loss I lost my soulmate of seventeen years on October the 24th so it’s been six months and ten days im utterly heartbreakon I was the same very much still we had no children so nothing to be motivated for been in bed the last few days with sever anxiety attacks doesn’t seem real or right we had our future mapped out dreams and hopes to grow old together everything my life has been stolen im empty and lost thinking back to this time last year we were planning our bank holiday weekend had so much fun now I struggle to sleep was scared to open my eyes thinking I’d see my partners face my heart was dropping to the pit of my stomach now the home we built is so quiet and empty so silent the television would be on pottering around in the kitchen planning our day im utterly truamatised witnesing the whole events panic attacks are horrific thinking about the final days the hope I still had I lost my soulmate three months before his 40th birthday which would have been January I cant describe the pain I felt having to write his Christmas and birthday card out and lay them in his coffin at the chapel of rest all I want is my soulmate back in my arms im destroyed mentally and physically thinking of you your in my thoughts thanks for the message it means alot thsnkyou x

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Oh, sweetheart, im so sorry for your pain. Hang on in there, one day we will reunite with our beloved husbands. Love and hugs to you.

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Thankyou for your kind words means so much in my thoughts take care of yourself speak soon Adele x

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Hello Isabel, I am sure you will find this forum of help, just knowing you are not alone in your terrible pain called grief. Your feelings are quite natural we have all been there. All of us cope in different ways. You will find your way when you have come through the first weeks/months.
For me I I have found that I keep busy. I don’t rush out to join clubs etc, I am letting life come back to me slowly and as I find i can cope. So much will be going on inside you at present and probably so much to deal with. It would be easy to stay in bed in the morning and not bother with another miserable day, but I have dogs that insist on taking me out for long walks. I have allotments that need looking after, so I don’t have the luxury of staying in my bed but at the end of the day I am pleased that I have made an effort to do something different everyday. To me I feel I have achieved something. Today I walked with the Ramblers of which we have been members for years. I have not been able to go for months and been putting it off. It took every ounce of strength today to not turn and run. I was however greeted warmly and although there was tears at first I actually found I enjoyed the walk and a chat. So take one small step at a time and grieve this is important although painful. Talk to you beloved husband, keep him an important part of your life still. Some of us keep journals of our feelings or write letters to them telling them what we have been doing. If you have a hobby or interest when your ready start doing it again. Keep in touch with this forum this will help you. Blessings Pat xx

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Hi Pat pleased the day was kinder to you today Adele x

Hello Adele, yes I was determined to make the effort to go out walking with old friends again but it did take every bit of my strength but I am so pleased I did it. I walked through woods with bluebells and birds singing and this does make me feel better, it’s a tonic. I started the walk right at the back because of the tears. Brian was with me however and I asked him for strength, he knew how I loved to be out in the countryside with nature. Tears when I returned home as I realised I had actually enjoyed the walk and I felt so guilty. Brian asked me to carry him on all my walks. I carry his photo and tell him where we are. He’s very much with me still. It’s a struggle but I feel I have climbed another mountain when I do things that I am dreading.and cope after all. Take care Adele, thinking of you. Pat xxx

Awww Pat that’s so nice bittersweet but nice the walk sounds lovely I love bluebells all flowers me an my Edward loved to walk too that’s lively carrying a photo of you too your keeping his memory alive I’ve had a few bad days as you know scattered some of Edwards ashes in the garden where we always used to sit in fact last may bank holiday weekend we were out there before heading out so it’s been hard but like you say it’s very early days I can only do little things take care Pat I admire your postivitey speak soon Adele xx

So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband three weeks ago to cancer. We knew he hadn’t long but it is still such a shock. The last week was so traumatic. I still see him in my mind suffering. I am trying to think of him fit and well. His funeral was last Wednesday and now I feel worse than ever. I like you don’t feel like doing anything. I used to be so house proud but now I think why should I bother. We was together for 43 years. I miss him so much. I hate the quiet house. This time last year we looking forward to a holiday in June. My life has so traumaticly changed.

I have joined the on line counciling. You would find this useful too just to talk about your feelings helps. It won’t change things but briefly made me feel better.

Take care!

Anne

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Hi there I so so sorry for your loss I lost my soulmate of seventeen years on October the 24th gone so it is six months and ten days today I’m utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes take as much care as possible please your in my thoughts your right there jyst looking at pictures from the last bank holiday Monday weekend we didn’t have a care in the world niw just an empty silent house we built a home together doesn’t feel like home without hearing my soulmate walking around up or down the stairs taps running toilet flushing I cant see a way out of this to be honest Adele x

Hi there, it’s early days for you and if you don’t want to do the housework then don’t, however keeping busy, I have found, has helped.
Watching someone you love suffer is so terrible. I too had to watch Brian die with such pain and the memory of this is painful. A kind, generous loving man, so I ask why!!! I have put photo’s of Brian around the house. In them he is strong and fit and that is how I will remember him.

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Me too Pat talking to my Edward now x broken heart emoji x

Hi Pat,

Thank you so much for your words, I’ve been trying to cope with all this and realised that besides this terrible pain burning my chest I have to do something to get busy, so, I have done a membership in a Gym and now I just start doing some machines and swimming. This was something I was thinking about when my beloved husband became sick 2 months ago. I still can’t assume I will follow our dreams as they were our dreams and not only mine, so I don’t really believe I could do it on my own as my love was the most brilliant part of them.
I have his photo with me at all times but I still can’t truly believe that he left this world, however I have seen all the horrible pain he have had and he couldn’t just stand anymore. All this nightmare was over his strength and I am sure he has fight as much as he could.
You’re in my thoughts pat. Thank you.

Hi Adele, don’t know if you do this or not but I write everything down that I do that day. No matter how small as well as how I have coped and when you look back you can see that there has been an improvement. I can see it in you. Tiny steps but you will make it in time. Don’t rush through this grief, I’m not. I’ve just sat and cried my eyes out while on my computer where did that come from I ask myself. Over now until the next time. Take care Pat xxx

Thankyou Pat for your live and kind words I hope today is kinder to you in my thoughts take care please Adele x

In my thoughts take care as much as possible x

Very wise words Pat. We can’t rush anything. Like an illness it will take it’s time. But the right attitude can help a lot. This may not diminish the pain, but it begins the process of recovery. Where do tears come from? I often ask myself that then I realise that unconsciously we are ‘triggered’ by some sound, a thought, an event that reminds us. We are still raw and sensitive. ‘Men don’t cry’. Don’t they? This man does and often and I’m not worried about it in the least. Crying often is relief for pent up emotions. Best wishes Pat and take care.

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