I lost my partner just over 3 weeks ago. He was only 30 years old. We hadn’t even been together a year. I’ve seen so many people on here losing partners after 50+ years and I feel like I shouldn’t be this bad. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be happy. We were meant to have many years ahead of us together. I can’t cope with the thought of going through this again. I’ve seen people saying they wish they wouldn’t wake up. I feel the same. I feel forced to live with a pain I have never felt just so I dont have to put my family through what I’ve just watched his family go through. What I’m going through. We’ve had the funeral but it didn’t make me feel any better. If anything it made me worse. I struggle to go to the grave as I find it so hard to leave him there. I know that’s silly but I cant help it. I’ve tried going back going back to work, gardening, walking my dog. All my old hobbies and socialising like i used to but I find no joy in any of it anymore. Just small distractions until something reminds me that I am alone. I have friends and family but it’s not him. I’m so tired and I’m feeling emotions that I’m not sure what they are. I wish someone had the answer
Hi Green34,
I’m so sorry to hear about you losing your partner. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here.
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
You deserve care and support so please, Green34, get in touch with one of these services.
If you feel you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Take care,
Mick
Online Community team
Hi, how we all wish there was an answer there is no quick fix. All your feelings are the same as we are all going through so you are not on your own, we all understand.
To wish that you wouldn’t wake up is normal, you just want the pain to go away and you will wake up and you will learn to face each day and pick up the pieces of life.
Take things slowly don’t push yourself to do too many things at first, let life come to you as and when your ready. I have found that pushing myself to rush about doing things does not help. Peace has to come from within and it will with time or at least you will learn to cope
“Let life come to you as and when your ready”. Thanks Pat! How true. We have to go with the flow of life. Sounds trite? Maybe, but it’s true. ‘Let time pass’ is also a worn out cliché, but still true. Things happen in life that we have no control over and learning to accept it all is helpful. But, my goodness, how so very difficult. None of us asked for this pain and to many it was unexpected, which, to me, is even more sad. At the moment words may have little meaning, but please stay on the site. It has been such a comfort to me to know I am not alone, well, maybe physically, but those of you who give support make me feel far less alone.
Don’t say ‘I shouldn’t be this bad’ because of the age of your partner. Age has very little to do with it. Loss is loss at whatever age it comes. I was married over 60 years but I doubt my pain is any more or less that yours. Not wanting to wake up will pass. Honest, it will. I suspect we have all felt that way at some time in this process. Mornings can be especially difficult until gather enough strength to see through the day. As Pat says, there is no quick fix so going with it as willingly as we can helps. Magic wands are in short supply!!
Take care, and try and be kind to yourself.