I lost my mum unexpectedly when I was 19 and I feel so much guilt for the smallest of things - her last meal was a ready meal that she said wasn’t very nice - I feel guilty I didn’t spend enough time or appreciate her more. Following her death I vowed to look after my dad and make sure I was there for him. We messaged most days and I would go over every weekend to visit, and spend time with him when I could. Last week I came home from a work trip and I messaged to tell him I was home safe and he never replied. I kept trying to phone but no response so I drove over and my brother met me there and we discovered his body, he had already passed away. I am distraught and can’t help feeling guilt that while I was away at a Xmas party he was alone at home on the floor. I really thought I had another 10 - 15 years with him in my life. Now I just feel empty inside and I worry that once all the love and support and calls and texts from family and friends I will have no one.
stay with us lots of good people on here when you need them.
do not let the guilt monster in he has no place in your thoughts .
i am sorry for your loss
I lost my mum in 2021.
I think it doesn’t matter when, or how we lose our parents, we always think we could have done more, should have said more.
Be kind to yourself, it was simply your dad’s time to go, there’s no blame, no need for regrets.
You loved him and he loved you, and you still do love each other, it just has to be within your heart now.
I hope you find some peace and strength to see you through this tough time in your life.
Jan x
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m struggling with feelings of guilt too, after my mother’s death last month. I think we’d feel guilty no matter what we’d done. It seems to be a horrible side-effect of grief that haunts us all. I know my mother appreciated what I did for her - but to me, now, in the midst of immediate grief - it just doesn’t feel I did enough. Although I don’t know you and I didn’t know your father - I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want you to feel guilt, and he’d just want to thank you for everything you did. I know that’s true of my mother - even if I refuse to “let myself” believe it!.
Thanks for all the kind words. We have now heard from the coroner and they’ve said the death was nearly instant and he wouldn’t have known anything about it. They said even if a paramedic had been in the room with him there is nothing that could have been done. I am taking some comfort from this. But it seems once you stop focusing on one thing we move the guilt to something else. It’s hard this time of year as I don’t want to bring everyone down and spoil their Christmas so I am glad there is a community here who understand.