Love and light

2 months since my son aged 44 took his own life.I find it very difficult to function I’m in a fog everyday.turning night into day.Heart feels so sore

I’m so sorry that you lost your precious son. Many of us here have lost our children and will be understanding how you feel. Those first months are a complete numb fog. It is such a shock I guess it is the only way we can get through.
I got through the first months after losing my daughter, age 37, by dividing each day into three and never looking further ahead than the next day. Some say minutes, some say hours. Whatever works.
Please know my thoughts are with you. X

Thankyou for your kind words.The fog thing is such a strange feeling. I lost my son in March few weeks ago.I haven’t slept a night since I’ve turned night into day.My days are so fog like and as if I’m in another dimension.Then every so often you get this rush going right through your body of grief.It just hits you no matter where you are.I find it difficult as I spoke to my son the night before and the next morning he was gone.He was off to see his councillor at nightime as he worked through the day.next day he was gone.The feeling and thoughts you have is immense.What if I had just gone down too hertsfordshire that day would I have been able to stop this happening.i live in the north Scotland.Lots of ifs:(( Heart feels smashed such a void looking at his texts and my last ones he didnt see and asking him are you ok because I had gut feeling something was really wrong.We took him home to Scotland I saw him before the funeral he looked like he did in his 20s.But I still wait for him too text it’s very powerful emotions and disbelief.All my Buddhist teachings in the world cant help me I need too go with my fog for now i think its natures way perhaps too keep me sane.Dreadful pain to go through losing your bearn.Very difficult,

I think you are right. The fog protects you and for now, after such a shock, you cannot do anything other than go with it.
When I was in those early months I just felt the worst had already happened so there was no rush. I decided to take as much time as I need to grieve and not to apologise to anyone for doing so.
I am not quite in that early shock now but I do feel vague and unaware at times of what is going on around me.
I too ask myself if anything I could have done would have changed things that day. I’m sure all parents have.
Take care and keep sharing. Xxx

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