Hello all.
The last week I’ve been dog minding my partners dog while she holidays in Cyprus till this weekend.
I’ve been with her for 16 years and ever since my marriage this is second time I’ve felt so unloved so unwanted like I’m only needed to help her financially. I know it’s not about money with her it never has been but when your in a long term relationship like we are the love seems to have gone. I feel like I can’t communicate this to her anymore. She gets all angry impatient with me. I feel frustrated to when all I want to do is put things right. It’s harder for both of us as we both lost our mums in a space of few months. I don’t know I might be wrong but I can’t help feeling her grief for her mum is hitting harder than me. She says it isn’t doing that. I don’t believe her for one minute I do believe we aren’t as close as we used to be. She says it all in my head. I told her she put the doubt in my head. This drives me crazy she only kisses me once or twice when I’m only getting out of her car. I’m left wanting feeling neglectful. Is it all in my head I wish I knew what to do or what to say how to say it and get her to see what she’s doing to me. I seriously doubt she can’t see it
Anyway this is wrong place to talk about this I just don’t know which way to turn anymore
Have great day everyone

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Hi @steven,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,

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Hi Steven
I wish I could think of something to say that would help. Sadly I see some of this behaviour was like mine - I would kiss my husband when he dropped me off somewhere, always thinking there was plenty of time to say and do all the things I wanted to but never expressed and now it’s too late. Maybe her grief is overwhelming her ? Try talking to her when the mood is right ?

grief can tamp things down. but in a year or so, after grief has died down, revisit this because you have the right to be happy. if anything after losing mothers, the partner is one who is supposed to help.

Hello that’s just it I don’t think it is grief affecting my partner. I noticed things weren’t right before our mums left us. I could be wrong

Well it hasn’t been a year since my partner and I lost our mums. My mum left November 2016 and her mum was April 17th. So I don’t feel both of us can use grief as an excuse to treat me like I’m not her partner. It’s completely unacceptable. My Prather had an opportunity to unite in grief with me but chose to face it alone. I faced it alone on more days when i wasn’t spending time with her. Yes I am fuming over it. I feel neglected I feel unloved and uncared for I won’t get into lack of affection. Or how she is selfish so thoughtless. I could totally understand if I was selfish and thoughtless like her. She would be lost without me and she knows it. She admitted it herself. If it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t have a roof over her head as I pay her rent every month without fail years now and I don’t even live with her. I understand she’s struggling financially so are we all. I earn a lot more than her dam sight more but all I ask in return is more caring affectionate thoughtful partner in return. I’m not sitting here thinking I have to buy her. All I’m asking is an relationship from her. We’ve been together 16 years. She knows I love her and I know she does me but I’m at the end of my tether with someone I no longer feel I can communicate with on a one to one level for fear of her losing her rag. That’s how bad it is. I’m having none of grief excuse it doesn’t wash with her no more. I’m not going to walk away and throw the towel. My patience is wearing thin

I would seek some clerical or professional counseling as this is a major life decision. too often we take these things lightly but they have huge impacts on our lives. it sounds like you have a bone to pick with her. I stayed in bad stuff scared of being alone. boy, did I end up being alone. don’t wait too late or accept that this is your life. just my two cents.

Hello all it’s been a while since I posted on here. I’ve had a lot going on not just working and I return to this post because my anger is building with my partner. She still continues to make excuses she’s lucky I haven’t said to her we’re over. I am closer than I’ve ever been in my life. I love this woman so much but she still does things that beggars belief. Her behaviour is totally selfish and thoughtless. I seriously believe she doesn’t know she’s doing it. Yet she still keeps taking money of me for her £400 rent. And for fuel. I don’t know how much more I can take of her selfies and thoughtless behaviour before I do the unthinkable and walk away after over 16 years of being in a relationship with her. It’s going to hurt so much
We both lost our mums mine nearly 7 years ago and hers April 2017. I asked her to unite with me in grief like you should do when a tragedy like that happens. She didn’t want to. I found that hard to stomach because she left me to cope with my own grief on my own. And now she acts like she doesn’t care about me. I can’t remember the last time I slept In the same bed as her she has a beautiful grand daughter I want so much to be in my life as my grand daughter she says I’m already her grandad. No how could I be. I’m not even a part time grandad. I’m just a nobody to her and I honestly think to my partner I’m not worth anything to her
I deserve to be happy truly happy but right how I’m far from happy

how will you feel on your own deathbed if you end your life with her and she never changes. every last one of your life minutes will have been spent on this. I had an ex come around, again. this time, no. because then my whole life will have been spent on a relationship that was so bad for me. when I could have been happy, like others. I know a man, about 70, and he finally has a new woman, maybe 60s, and they seem to fit. divorced, he has had several women. what IF something better is out there? you will never know if you continue. there is a mathematical equation that says just because you threw away this much time, it makes no sense to throw away more of it. I would go for a trial separation and see how it feels. just my two cents.

maybe she doesn’t.