Lowest point.

Today is the lowest I’ve felt since my Kathy died…I started feeling unwell and the pain in my chest was getting worse. So I saw my GP, who diagnosed a severe chest infection and depression caused through grief…no surprise there. So he prescribed antibiotics and Prednisilone to help me breathe, and he also suggested grief counselling. Problem was, the antibiotics absolutely ripped through my system and I’m running to the toilet every half hour, so I rang back and told them the antibiotics were unsuitable and they have changed them. But I didn’t think that I could feel any worse than how I felt after my Beloveds death…boy was I wrong, I had a cousin who lost his wife to cancer and even though he had all the support of family and friends, he couldn’t live without the love of his life and he sadly took his own life. After the last couple of days, I can understand how he felt but I don’t have the courage or the desperation to do that. Yes,I desperately miss my Love, but she would be horrified if I took what she saw as the cowards way out. So I will keep her close to my heart until it is my time to join her and take this pain a lonely day at a time.

I’m sorry to hear of your situation I know exactly how you feel and I have been that desperate since my husband died I just really can’t live without him how do you get through day to day xx

How? Well MandyM, yesterday was when I hit rock bottom. But I remembered what my Beloved told me after I lost my Mum in 2014…she said, when you hit your lowest point,look up and you’ll see the stars…and damned if she wasn’t right…today I woke up and it felt like my whole world was different and I got more accomplished in 1 day ,than in the 5 weeks since she died. I’m not going to say it’s going to get magically better,I know I’ll have days when I just feel like crawling under the covers and staying there. BUT…we owe it to our loved ones to live a life they would want us to,no matter how difficult it feels. I only wish we could talk to each other on fb,or some other app because on here it just feels like you’re segregated and you can’t really connect. I’m on facebook,but even though other users on here are too,we’re not allowed to exchange names.

How? Well MandyM, yesterday was when I hit rock bottom. But I remembered what my Beloved told me after I lost my Mum in 2014…she said, when you hit your lowest point,look up and you’ll see the stars…and damned if she wasn’t right…today I woke up and it felt like my whole world was different and I got more accomplished in 1 day ,than in the 5 weeks since she died. I’m not going to say it’s going to get magically better,I know I’ll have days when I just feel like crawling under the covers and staying there. BUT…we owe it to our loved ones to live a life they would want us to,no matter how difficult it feels. I only wish we could talk to each other on fb,or some other app because on here it just feels like you’re segregated and you can’t really connect. I’m on facebook,but even though other users on here are too,we’re not allowed to exchange names.

Hi yeah I know what you mean I don’t want to be alone at the moment as I don’t trust myself I’ve tried to distract myself by keeping busy but its still there when I stop and he’s still not here and I can’t cope I’m sure everyone feels like that when you’ve lost someone that you love xx

I certainly do Mandy,but for me the worst times are the night time and especially when I try to sleep and Kathy’s deathvreplays over and over in my dreams until I wake up traumatised. But the thing that brings me comfort is that she died in my arms and the last face she saw was mine and the last words she heard were mine telling her I loved her. Xx

I know exactly what you mean I watched my husband die I wouldn’t leave him I couldn’t and its so hard because your powerless to do anything I said everything I wanted to even though he became unresponsive I know he could hear me its the hardest thing in this world and its not easy to accept I find evenings and especially weekends the worst and also have trouble sleeping my doctor has just changed my medication so hopefully it will help me sleep a bit better xxx

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