how can i come to terms with my husbands terminal pancreatic cancer? i am feeling broken

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Hello @lucycat ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s illness.

Anticipatory grief, and grieving someone’s illness is very much a form of grieving, you might find Our Anticipatory Grief article a help.

I also wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful either now or in the future.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,


thank you for your message

hi @lucycat i honestly don’t think you can come to terms with it right now if i’m honest? my husband was diagnosed out of the blue on 28th july with stage 4 cancer of the liver, bowel, lungs and lymph nodes… he lost his battle 6 weeks later… it’s been 17 weeks tomorrow and i still can’t understand it? this group has been amazing for just having people to talk to who know how you feel and just know if you ever need to please reach out, my inbox is always open :heart: xxx

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thank you for your message ,i feel so helpless,and i still find it hard to understand

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Hi Lucy,
My advice to you would be take one day at a time and make the most of the time he has. Follow his lead, keep communicating and do self care as much as you feel able as you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Sending you so much love

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Hi Lucycat, I’m sorry you are in this situation. It truly is terrible. I can only speak from my own experience, communication, memories and time were the most important for us. Spend as much time as you can just being in each others company, remember times together. Look after yourself, as well as your partner. You will find the strength, follow their lead.
Sending hugs, thoughts and strength xx

My heart breaks for you.
I’ve been there, with my mum’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis.
I don’t really think you can cope with it there/then.
I can only say that you kind of ‘soldier on’, you do it for them, for love.
The only humble advice I can offer is to allow yourself to ‘feel’ whichever way you feel, and express it if you can. I cared for my mum at home and I was with her all the time with little/no chance to cry or despair (I ddnt want to do it in front of her), repressing my own feelings of grief was the worst thing possible (and in fact gave me panic attacks).
I know it seems obvious but Be kind to yourself…As much as you can.

Hi Lucycat, I’m very sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis, it really is a terrible knowledge to live with and like other people have said here I don’t think you really can come to terms with it. My mum was terminally ill and it was just about putting one foot in front of the other, not even just day by day but sometimes even hour by hour. Allowing yourself time to feel things and giving yourself grace is important.

Also, I don’t know if this resonates with you, but I felt that my cup was already so close to full that any other small thing could cause it to spill over, if that makes sense, and I had a lower tolerance for stress and pressure and trouble than others. I beat myself up for this but in hindsight have a lot of empathy for what was going on. Your best advocate is sometimes yourself and you know yourself best, don’t let outside factors pressure you.

Wishing you strength at this hard time x

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thankyou very much for lovely message

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