Hi Everyone,
I really feel as if I am losing my mind. I coped with my son’s funeral and Wake on Friday. I had a few tears yesterday but today I keep breaking down.
I feel I can’t breathe and my chest aches. I keep thinking this is all a horrible dream and I will wake up any minute and life will be back to normal.
I have spent most of the day on my own and it isn’t loneliness. It’s something much worse.
I don’t think I can cope with living without him.
Hi @Basset
Sorry to hear your struggling with your grief, 
my only child passed during pregnancy some years ago, it’s truly heartbreaking when a child passes. Especially when the bereavement is so new, emotions can come in waves, we spend time on autopilot, then something reminds us they’re gone, … there are no words, all I can say is take it one day at a time, & do what works for you. Sending hugs of support.
Hi Barrett So sorry that you are having such a bad day. We get through the days before the funeral because we know it is something we have to do for our loved one. Then after the funeral it all seems so final and we can’t see how we are ever going to get through the day never mind the future.
I remember feeling like this and not being able to face doing anything. I did not want to go out because it was as if I was expecting Richard to be there when I got back and I got upset when I realised he wasn’t.
I can say that as time goes on you do begin to feel a little better. I can’t say how long as it’s different for everyone.
Just take your time and don’t feel that you have to do things because you don’t until you are ready.
You will never feel the same again but you will eventually live along side your grief and not feel the immense pain that you feel right now.
Good friends are invaluable and can be the support you need. They can be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Take care and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Reetxx
Im so very sorry that we find ourselves on this unima
Sorry for the unfinished message. I struggle to understand that a world csn continue to function without James in it. Its a much darker place and everyday more colour drains from my life. Grief is heavy and exhausting, carrying such pain as i pretend to cope. Pain and anger have ambushed me? They remain a constant companion. I beg for just a few minutes of peace but i know that is a long way away. I feel so cheated that i was only allowed you for 31 years. We had a lifetime of memories to make. Anna, James’s sister is missing you and watching her in pain is heartbreaking.
My days are consumes with thoughts of you. I was not prepared for this and navigating this sad world seems unachievable. Xx
Bassett, it is certainly after the funeral that the struggles really start. As has already been said, we sort the funeral and wake, and get through it, because we loved them so deeply and what honour them as well as we can. After that? We look ahead to a bleak future without them. Laura, I can SO empathize with every word you said, I could have written it myself. I have had so much happened last few days (partner had accident) that I sort of got angry that I could not concentrate on my pain (sounds weird I know). Tonight I put on a pair of my daughter’s fleece pyjama bottoms that she loved, and I saw her in so many times. I had already started to cry beforehand, but putting them on made me just sob and sob some more. I kept thinking it should be she wearing them, not me. But at the same time I know she would have liked me wearing some of her clothes, she had loads and every item is a treasure to me. She adored Nightmare Before Christmas, and had loads of clothes and other items from that. It was hard shopping at Asda, as their NBC range is vast because of Christmas I guess, so many things she would have liked and I could have gifted her. I know I had her for 43 years, for which I am thankful, but I do feel cheated. She was more than a daughter, she was my best friend, my tower of strength. Whilst sat in the family room A&E Saturday (my partner had a nasty accident), I sat thinking she would have been there, my go-to person, the one who would have been my support, my rock. My beautiful Sarah, I miss you beyond belief and just don’t know how to get through this.
It’s been 7 1/2 weeks since my 40 yr old son was found at his home. The initial disbelief hasn’t gone, the funeral took place and we had to empty his house within 4 wks. I look at the boxes of his possessions and I’m angry. Angry at everything, is that all his life was ?
There was a post mortem which was ‘unascertained ‘ so now we wait up to 16 weeks for further results, and then there may be no conclusion so it could lead to an inquest.
I’ve been very wobbly the last 2 days and I think it’s because it’s New Year and I feel like I’m leaving Ben behind. I feel guilty all the time, I question what I’ve missed, I feel like I’m the only one still grieving now . I know that’s not true, Ben has 3 brothers and a step-dad but to me they seem like they’re going about their daily lives and I’m stuck in the quagmire.
I just want to rewind time. I want to see him and I can’t.
Hi @Fjl
I’m so sorry to hear your going through this, no-one should ever have to go through the heartache of loosing their child. 
… I know the feeling, like life is moving forward for everyone else, but people deal with grief in different ways, & I feel it’s different as a parent, as apposed to siblings or friends, because as the parent, you make memories with them before they’re even born, & are mentally programmed to protect them, in a cycle of life sense, we never expect to outlive our kids, it just feels so wrong when we do. Sending hugs of support.
Thank you, it’s definitely different to any death I’ve experienced before and a parent isn’t supposed to lose the child. You know at some point you will lose your parents, that’s the natural way round. This isn’t.
You’re right about the bond before they are born too - unfortunately I was in an abusive relationship with his father and I eventually managed to escape when Ben was 17 months old and for 3 and 1/2 years it was just me and him.