Making plans to move on

This morning, to have a change of scenery and try to clear my head, I went to view some nice-looking flats in Trent Park. I know I do not want to stay in the house I shared with my beloved as it has too many bad memories of him being unwell after catching COVID-19.

I know he has only been gone for four weeks but I find the house far too quiet, messy and it was always his rather than ours. I am incredibly thankful he left it to me in his will, but I need to move on.

I will take all his personal effects with me, wherever that may be, but I do not want these four walls.

I apologise if it sounds harsh but I need to forge a new life while remembering the good times with him. Apart from anything else, every time I cross our landing I see him dying all over again. This is unbearably painful.

How does this lovely and incredibly supportive community view these plans? Your feedback is much appreciated.


I understand how you feel. I will probably move on but I have been told by numerous people not to make any big decisions ie: moving house within the first twelve months. But I suppose you have to do what feels right for you. I wish you well in all you do.x

There is also another important and practical consideration for me to move. I am on medication that can make me rather unsteady. Thus, I need a place that is all on one level, such as a flat.

I am on my own now, so a fall could be critical and do much harm.

Hi SSTC, so sorry for your loss.
It seems grief is such an individual thing, we all have that aching heartache but how we deal with it differs greatly.
If you feel the memories of being there are too painful then moving sounds like it will help, your good memories will be with you forever, along with his personal effects.
I think you have to go with what feels right for you, no doubt it will take time to sell so you can reflect on your decision and if it still feels the right move then go for it.
I am the opposite really, our house holds so many beautiful memories and although Ca was unwell at times she was such a happy person that being here is comforting for me.
I hope you make the right choice and find peace in the future.
Joe x

This grief makes everyone different in how they handle things and I echo that what is right for you is all that matters.

I was trying to make lots of decisions in a week and regretted it so stopped.

I hate our bedroom now , it screams cancer suffering to me and I will change it but I have little energy for that right now .

Of course it’s not harsh

My husband died at the bottom of our stairs
It did take me months to come to terms with my thought of him dying in my arms at my front door
But now I never want to leave our home
I hope his spirit is here with me (even though I don’t really believe)

Like others said it is raw for you so give yourself some time
You do what you feel is right for you
Once again all on this site we do not judge
You know what’s best for you
Take care

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Your message resonates with me. The last 6 years our home felt as if cancer held all the cards . I still find it hard going into the room Chris spent his last few days in and our bedroom is no longer the haven it once was. I like you have plans to buy a new bed and decorate but the motivation isn’t there at this moment in time. Hopefully as the Autumn comes and I pass the 1st anniversary that I begin to feel that the time is right to make those changes


Hello, I think the fact you went to look at somewhere shows you need to move on. My husband died 20 weeks ago and I find our home a comfort but he didn’t died in it or suffer an illness, it was a sudden death.
I have moved my bedroom round and washed the pillowcase which had his smell on and I use to get comfort from our bedroom, but this past week I’ve not slept well and the void is huge I’m tempted to move the bedroom back to how it was as it no longer gives me comfort.
What I’m trying to say is if there is anything which is giving you comfort keep it precious for now, but if there’s anything which upsets you and hurts too much change it. Remember it’s what’s right for you take care.


I can understand, it’s not harsh, it’s how you feel you can heal. We all want the pain to begin to dull, or give us some respite. My story is a little different. My partner of 21 years died at my mothers home. SAD. 5 seconds and gone. I will never set foot in my mothers house again. At the time we were in between homes and renting my mothers home (she had moved in with her boyfriend). We were renovating our new house which was taking a lot longer than expected because of a rogue con man builder. Our 2 dogs had died 3 weeks apart only 6 months before John. I had told John we better get out of my mums house quick as it’s the death house. But the builder just continually reassured us next month it will be done, then simply repeat this every month that followed. In December 2021 he came back, rested on the sofa and got up and said I don’t fell well, and fell unconscious. That was it. CPR 15 minutes straight. I couldn’t save him. Now I absolutely hate that house, want no inheritance from that house. I lost my strange little family, my everyday people all there in the space of 6 months. Now I’m in limbo, our new home holds no memories and our old home no longer belongs to us. So even though I have a bricks and mortar home I have no memories there. I actually feel homeless. But I think John was home, as the saying goes “your heart is where your home is”.

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I am sorry for your loss.
You must do what you need to, without apology. We each have our own way.
You need a new start, so do it.
I needed to stay where I feel safest, I needed the familiar, our home. Yet I have changed a lot about the house.
I would advise having time to think though, no rush. Do what feels best for you, as you are unique. Loss is universal bit we each have our survival mechanism. Do talk to others but listen to your own heart. The wisest most useful people are widows and widowers, who know the path you walk.

Things have changed, you will adapt in time.


Wise words.
G. X


I am sorry and I know its a difficult time. My so died at the end of last year and I appreciate how hard it is to make decisions.

Only you can decide what is right for you.

Please, don’t rely on others to choose what is right for you because, only you have to live with the choices you make. Well meaning people will so often encourage you to do what they might do in a similar situation, but that does not make it right for you.

If you have any doubts , wait until you feel ready and not when someone else tells you.

I wish you well whatever you choose to do.