My mam died beginning of November she was on end of life care for bowel cancer and dementia I was with her 24 hrs a day from the Sunday to the Wednesday morning, I went home for a bath in the morning and I had given her a kiss to say I won’t be long mam just going to have a wash and I’ll be back soon but I fell asleep unintentionally on my bed and woke up to a call to say to come to the care home straightaway…I knew why… she had passed away at 2pm I had missed her I wasn’t there to hold her in her final moments (my dad was there which does give me comfort) but I do feel heartbroken I wasn’t there and I feel I let her down.
I have the most wonderful husband and daughters …on Christmas day morning my mother in law ( who I call mam number 2) had a stroke she’s recovering in hospital and my husband is there afternoon and evening visiting …the problem is my father in law has dementia ( it hasn’t been diagnosed because we can’t get him to the doctor) it’s like seeing my mother’s struggles all over again for me it’s so hard and my husband is now looking after him but has to do this at their home because his father may be uncomfortable with his surroundings at ours …I feel so alone I barely see my husband he comes to the house after evening visiting at the hospital for a couple of hours…my husband works from home but now has to work from his mam & dad’s house too …the night times are the worse I’m still having trouble sleeping sometimes shout out but I feel even worse now he’s not here he’s my safe place…I’ve spoken to my husband on the phone today and expressed how I feel and asked if we can trial his dad sleeping out ours but I felt I wasted my breath saying it. He just said we will talk about it… I don’t want to appear selfish to my husband’s needs as he has to look after his father and mother but I’m still grieving for my mam and this is impacting me. Apologies for the long story I just needed to get this off my chest…is anyone in the same situation or has been in a similar situation to myself ?? Xx
Hello @Mrspops ,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mam and the health of your in-laws. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum nearly 12 months ago. She fell ill suddenly, it was such a shock. She was my best friend and emotional support. I am so lost without her. Like you I missed her passing, I had spent the whole night with her but missed her by seconds. It torments me still but I have to remember that my mum knew I loved her as did yours and that is the most important thing 
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