Masking grief

Since losing my partner 12 weeks ago today i have found myself spending so much money, money which i dont really have. But it has given me aome joy, feel good factor if you like. However this can not go on.
Most of it is on credit cards or store cards which i know need to be repaid but i just dont seem to care…


I am sorry for your loss, it’s early days for you and it’s not easy.
I can empathize with you, during the first few months, I did something similar, buying on the internet and having parcels delivered, it sort of had a feel good factor and someone coming to the door. It was also like a substitute, wrong choice of word I know, for having something to look forward to. Because when your partner dies that has all gone. The future looks very bleak.
But then I could hear my husband saying in my head, stop you don’t need these things. Don’t use your savings to pay off a credit card. He was right, I haven’t done it for a long time .
It’s been two years for me, and it does get easier. You learn to adjust, you will never forget and she will always be in your heart every single minute of the day, but you will learn how to cope better .
Take care
Debbie x


Thank you Debbie,
It is hard. We have 3 kids together and my youngest who is 15 has autism and adhd… Charlie use to deal with everything where he was concerned. Now it all falls on my shoulders and i dont want to let him or Charlie down…


Hi, I’m 6 months in. I still do this to an extent but have started to watch what I’m spending now. I saved a few grand before my husband died and I blew all that in a few months, nothing extravagant but I just let the kids have more fast food than normal, when I went shopping I just threw what I wanted in the trolley where as before I was always savvy.

Christmas was 3 months after he passed so I just distracted myself from how horrendous my situation was by buying loads of Christmas stuff, even though Christmas was the last thing on my mind. I kept going to home bargains buying more decorations just to get me out of the house. I wasn’t into it at all. Then I thought " what am I doing?" But I couldn’t stop. It was the only thing that made me feel a little better.

It’s a phase and won’t last, but obviously if you’re starting to put stuff on cards try and nip that in the bud now you’re aware. Maybe order the stuff then send it back :rofl: I actually found the novelty wore off fast, I didn’t want any of it but as I said, I couldn’t stop.

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