Lost my best friend and brother (my only blood relative) within 3wks of each other at the end of last year. There were times when I didn’t think I would make it through; I struggled with thoughts of wanting to be with them. As you can imagine, this caused hurt for my husband and kids (grown up). I’ve turned into someone who hides her grief because I can’t bear to cause more hurt for my loved ones. This I can just about cope with, but the ‘first’ anniversaries are fast approaching and I’m not sure I have the strength to mask. I was so close to breaking down and I don’t want to go back there. No one knows how I truly feel- I wonder if anyone here can understand.
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Please share what your feeling. Ring smaritain or talk to someone you trust. Its not unusual to feel this way. I lost my husband to suicide and I also had some very dark times. Just getting your feeling out there can help. People need to know how your feeling so they can give you support. You’re not alone and it’s not letting anyone down
Please reach out like you have on this forum. There is help out there. You will be ok x
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Sounds silly but I’m a fair-weather griever! Jan & Feb were hell, but Spring came and I got outside and worked on my garden; somehow planting and feeling earth in my hands helped me think about life more positively. Summer came and I spent so much time outside, long summer evenings where I thought about them a lot but was doing ok. And now the evenings are getting darker, the weather colder, and this is when everything started to go wrong last year. I have no escape - the garden was my safe place, where I could think, grieve, cry in silence without worrying anyone. Already I see my family looking at me more closely.
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Please do not cry in silence you don’t have to. I lost my parents and a close uncle before my husband which was unfortunately the start of his mental health battle. I always going over things like why I didn’t realise he was struggling, But like you he didn’t want to burden others or even understood his emotions. It was during the winter months he became poorly
If I can say anything to you is share what your feeling. Tyr and find some other interest which may help you aswell. Its important to not close off. Seek some kind of counselling it’s important to help you cope.
Its still early days for myself it was June when I lost him. I dread the winter also but plan on going back to gym and do some classes to get me out.. but I can’t say how important it is to talk. I have talking therapy still and another charity you support me. Its good just to talk and say what your really feeling knowing you’re not upsetting them. My family where concerned about me. Put yourself first and seek support who won’t judge ( Also try making a little garden inside with plants x)
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