Has anyone been to any meet-ups? Lots of people on here mention the loneliness and lack of understanding and support.
Just a thought. I live in Bedfordshire.
Hi @Willow112 - Im in Bedfordshire and have been to a drop in run by Nevilles funeral directors (called Talking elephants if you want to look it up), and also keech hospice run a social get together for carers/former carers. Neither really was what i was looking for, but Keech also run support groups for bereaved individuals and i found that the most useful - more like a group therapy session.
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Look online at Jollie Dollies, its a site to meet local ladies in the same situation, i joined about 3 weeks ago, i have been out for coffee with 2 lovely widowed ladies from my area.
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Are they in all areas ?
It is national, then you put in your area and they connect you through email or whatsapp. It is £20 for the year. There is also a group called Way Up for widows, i met a lady last week from that one. Also there is a FB group called merry widows for men and women, they go on hols and says out etc. Hope this helps.
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Checked I have 3 groups of Dollie Jollies in my area , I am worried it may be all “bring and buy sales “ jam and Jerusalem “ like the WI ? And at the moment I don’t feel very jolly ! I have friends , and I go out , and I work, I am 56 , I would just like to chat to someone who is in the same situation and possibly in the same age bracket , and maybe meet ups now and again ?
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jollie dollies is not at all like you think, it is a group of widows from all walks of life, we talk about our grief and about happy things too. We meet at a local cafe for drink and a cake it is very informal and easy going. we are mixed ages too. It helps to be able to talk to others who understand what it is like. Just like on here but in person.
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Yes I would also find it helpful to meet up with people around my age (52) who are in similar circumstances just to chat to.
Although I do have a good friend who lost her husband 3 years ago and I meet and chat with her regularly. She does understand mostly, and is a good support, but her experience was different from mine - her relationship with her husband, her kids, her general life and way she thinks and processes feelings are all different.
So I wonder if I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist anymore - my relationship and connection with my husband - where he just ‘got me’ and understood how I felt, thought and reacted intuitively. He would be the person to help me at the moment, but of course he isn’t here.
And that feels like the saddest thing to have to accept and live with.
And I really don’t know how to do that.
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Oh that sounds ok I will join my local one then thank you
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Yes I understand where your coming from , my friend lost her husband 23 years ago she 41, and definitely different the way she got through it , I suffer from anxiety well before my husband passed he was the one who “got me “ on that when nicks life support was being switched off in the hospital I started to pace the ward and told the nurses I suffer from anxiety I was then in my most “anxious “ state , they asked me “what I did to calm myself “ I pointed to Nick lay there in the bed and said “he helps me , so now what ? “X
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I just wonder if we have to adapt to being completely self sufficient?
I was pretty independent and living my best life really - working in a job I loved ( mostly ), bringing up my kids, planning for the future, happy doing the mundane everyday life stuff, but now I have lost all purpose and meaning ( apart for being there for my kids).
I just feel so sad all the time and also mourn the loss of my future which could be 30+ years.
I probably just am not ready yet to try really living a new life - one I never thought I’d have to do so early and which I really don’t want.
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Feeling pretty sad. I really don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t want this misery to go on. Considering counselling but don’t know if it’s my thing. Read loads of books and websites about grief. But I don’t know if that pulls me into the quicksand of grief even more. Suggested the meet ups thinking it might help heal. People say that keeping busy is just a distraction that doesn’t help in the long term. That you shouldn’t start clearing stuff away because I will regret it later. I looked at the Facebook Merry Widow sites but their listings all include ‘Dating’, and I am certainly not after that. I have sat down and tried ‘letting my grief in’, but I don’t know how or what that means, it feels more like wallowing.
My natural inclination is to say F*** This, I have got to get on with this life that I don’t want, so get a grip.
I just know that I can’t consider joining him because I have caring responsibilities. I can’t wish I had died instead of him because I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone, least of all him and my children. I know that if I had died instead of him I would want him to look after things the way he always did. He would want me to do the same. I just don’t know the way forward.
Sorry, I am a miserable wreck today.
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I agree Roni a massive thing to grieve is the future we had planned. All we can really do is take one day at a time now. It is so sad and I hope one day we can start looking forward without feeling the horrendous loss and sadness we feel now.
Like you say, life seems pointless now, I feel like i am acting my way through each day. X
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Willow Merry Widows FB is not a dating site is friendship too.
Also Jollie Dollies is just for women. x
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Hey willow - I’m sorry you’re having such a crappy day.
I still have many of them and often.
Like you I have tried letting my grief in and just feeling it - but it is all encompassing and doesn’t let much light in.
I’m trying distraction but am constantly sad and I think maybe we just have to accept things how it will be for a while.
You are a strong and resilient person, you are caring and funny and resourceful.
You can and will do this but today I get that you don’t really want to…
I don’t have any real advice or helkk ok to give. It really is sh** and the pain is unbearable.
But you did have a love that made you feel whole and many people never get that.
Sending strength so your day gets a bit better. Xxx
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I know it’s all early days & no one ever thinks they will be in this position. Even when my husband was really ill last year but then recovered so well I never thought I would be saying goodbye to him less than a year later
Caring for & losing both parents was hard but they were a lot older & my husband was here at home being my rock & support
It’s the silent house I hate whenever I come home after a lovely day with family
I don’t suppose any amount of new groups & friends can ever change that
I don’t know what I’m looking for- to turn back time to the good days ?
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I agree with everything you say, but I do think our lives can be richer for having more friends, sadly we cannot turn back time and we are in very early days, it is still a gaping raw wound for us.
and yes loosing parents when they are old is awful but at 86 my dad had lived 31 years longer than my David. i wish David could have lived to a ripe old age :(.
With the awful silence of the empty house I find the radio helps, just playing low in the background is better than silence.
12 weeks now for me since My hubby suddenly passed , people who were making a fuss over me coming around and taking me out have dwindled down now, I can’t be great company all I want to to is talk about how shit my life was before I met Nick and how wonderful my life was with Nick and now how shit it is again, I am just plodding on ATM I have been away twice holidays I should of gone with my husband, my 28 year old son came with me he is good company and I am glad I went BUT it wasn’t the same , so at the moment I am just going through the motions of “life “
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