I couldn’t agree more. It isn’t always easy when long distances are a factor and you have to navigate other people’s opinions and judgements. But, like it says in the Good Book - walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me.
Like you, and many others, I went through the stage of not wanting to carry on, life was just too bleak and too hard. I came to my senses. Only one person died that day, and no way was the Grim Reaper getting a BOGOF deal.
I joined this site, got chatting to others, including Ron who happened to mention he lived in the area I was born in. It feels like it was meant to be, despite the snares.
I have many widowed friends, some from the first time around, 22 years ago. All of them are happy, or content. Many have new partners, some have the sort of relationships you describe. They go out for dinner, the theatre and go on holiday together, splitting the bills and having separate rooms.
I agree that humans are social beings, I have never been good on my own and I am truly thankful that I have met someone very special. We live 200 miles apart, each having our own families and houses, but spend a lot of time together whenever we can.
It’s uplifting to read your post and I wish you and your lovely partner all the very best.
Jane xx
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Jane I have only just come across your story and it as made my miserable day alittle lighter so thank you to you and @Ron11 for sharing it and giving us all hope for our futures.
Sadly not everyone will agree but it’s not their business how your stories unfold.
My husband passed last March when I was 59 and it’s a long lonely road ahead. Like you say tomorrow isn’t promised.
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Hi,
Thank you for your reply. Fifteen months on from meeting for the first time, we are still together and happy. We don’t live together all the time, both having our own houses and families. Most people are happy for us, one or two obviously disapprove, but that’s their problem, not ours. Forming a new relationship doesn’t suit everyone, I hope everyone here finds happiness in whatever way suits them.
Jane xx
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Nice to read some happy news on here 
It gives all some hope xx
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Hi lost in limbo
I have just come across your storyit sounds so.lovely to know that we can find another love I have been on my own now for 5yrs and you are right we are human and not designed to be on our own I know I am not designed to live on my own I hate boeng on my own and this is the very first time in my life that.i.have ever lived on my.own and yes it is such a lonely place without your loved one and no.one to.even talk to these are the longest days I have ever spent on my own I always wish paul was here and I know that is never going to happen so perhaps I am.meant to be on my own but.i do hate.this emptiness and loneliness I feel but what else am I.meant to do there is no handbook on this.part of life.is there I miss him as this weekend is my birthday 5 birthdays without him no cards no flowers no spoiling me oh how I miss all that and off course I would I dont know how long I can do this for I hate this bieng.in my own
Sarah
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Sometimes it is ok on my own and other times it is so hard. It was particularly hard yesterday. I got stuck at the petrol pump because I couldn’t open the flap to access the petrol and was on empty.
No one cared at first and I was stuck. Eventually two women came over and helped. Why do these things get so hard? I would have had my husband to help.
And it has been over three years now. My son helped instead put lubricant on it. He couldn’t understand how this could upset me. I just get overwhelmed. Trying to open jars or coping. I had to ask my son to come with me to get to the bank. Today I feel I have to chill. It would be nice for someone who was there to help and for a bit of company. I must just need to be and see what happens.
I have also had that problem, not being able to open some jars . I have had to wait for my son to come round to open them . Now I’ve done a silly trick, I took my freezer drawers out to clean them . I can’t get them back in the freezer. Luckily my son is here so he has put them back in for me . So you’re not on your own in these things.
I have had problems opening things. I use a sheet of that rubbery stuff you put under mats and cushions, or rubber gloves. You can buy silicon discs and Good Grips do special tools to help.
There are all sorts of solutions to practical problems. Last week I couldn’t work out how to remove the vacuum cleaner filter. You Tube provided the answer.
I didn’t even know how to pay with my debit card at first.
It’s certainly been a learning curve.
Jane xx
Thanks for that I will try the good grips anything that helps . My friend also on her who is divorced. Bought a new cordless vacuum, she put together couldn’t get it to work. She took back to the shop as thought it was broken. She had put together the wrong way , the guy in the shop put together correctly. She was so embarrassed, she bought him some beer as thank you .
It’s the silly little things that get.you the most for me it’s a.firestick that’s gone faulty been told I need a new one and then who.do I get to install it my brother who can do this is not talking to me I am not techni minded but now.i am fed up I hate.it.when things.go wrong and it always comes in threes for me I dread what else can go wrong paul here we could sort things out me here on my own I am useless I am so tired I never get any sleep and I feel I cannot go on like this
Sarah
My husband died 3 years this may and I have just had my first date. I really enjoyed this man’s company and we have a second date planned. However the day after I feel alot of anxiety and guilt. It has made me miss my husband more than ever. Has anyone else experienced this?
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Hi Charlie 9
I have been in my own for 5rys and I have never met anyone let alone gone out on a date but congratulations on trying this and if it makes you feel happy and alive again then why not ,of course the guilt is going to be there and kick in but your husband would want you to be happy and enjoy what is left of your life I wish I could do that go out there and find some happiness after all we all deserve that dont we
Sarah
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Thankyou for the reply, it helps. I hope you find someone when you are ready. At the moment the coward in me wants to stay single as that feels so much safer. Take care.
It’s only 6 months since I lost my husband, still early days for me . At the moment I have no interest in a new relationship. However if you have the chance to be happy. I would say go for it , trust your gut .
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Yes, I felt exactly the same. I think the guilt starts as soon as your partner dies. Why wasn’t it me that was taken, why him? And so it goes on. We almost look for a stick to beat ourselves with. And then there are the inevitable difficulties in sharing what you only ever shared with your husband for the last number of years, be that laughing together, eating a meal, or something more intimate. It still feels weird.
However, the harsh reality is that no matter how much we miss them, cry, castigate ourselves, our partner is still gone, and not coming back. The choice I had was to be alone for the rest of my life, or actively find a new life. I wasn’t actually looking for a new relationship, it just happened. I didn’t think I would fall in love again at my age (almost 70).
I hesitate to advise anyone, other than to grab any chance of happiness, in whatever way pleases. And don’t feel guilty about being happy. There is still joy to be had in this world, but I had to go out there to find it.
I wish everyone joy.
Jane xx
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Thankyou to everyone who had replied, what a wonderful community we are. I realise as I was friends with my husband since 19 and a couple since aged 23 I have no experience of dating and feel like a naive 16 year old. I will have to take it incredibly slowly. However to walk hand in hand with someone was lovely but a little wrong as well as it was not my husband. I over think everything as well. The very best to everyone and thankyou for your help this morning.
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Hi Charlie 9
That is.not.the coward.in you at.all.there is nothing wrong with wanting to stay safe but if we do not try we will just stay the same I would love to find a companion someone who.would.love me.for.me but I know that.will not happen if.i.do not out so there you are you have that chance try it see if it works if not you know the saying nothing gained nothing lost good luck my friend I.wish you.well
Sarahx
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Oh yes jars huge issue for me too. Always have been. This gadget doesn’t work. As for meeting new partner get my hopes up then doesn’t go anywhere. But looking back when I met my late husband we started off friendly he was just helping me out then he asked me out. But a bit different in early 20s.
Like a lifetime ago. And had to kiss frogs before a prince.
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Hi, I joined friendship groups on FB
Good luck with the friendship group. I don’t do facebook, I have been to talking tables. Today I going to join the A3U . Let us know how you get on with the facebook group.