Memories a comfort ?

I see him - in so many places.

Driving home on a rainy night last week, I drove past one of our favourite restaurants and I could see him - leaving, leaning slightly on his walking stick, wearing a white shirt and chatting to our son, looking up slightly as James is about 5 inches taller than his dad. It was a summer night and he looked tanned and happy. It was so vivid - I think I smiled and then I cried as there are to be no more family celebrations there. But I think it was a comfort to recall such a happy time.

On a bus - in an area of London close to the Thames, where we first worked together - I could see us bowling along - him, snake hips, cuban boots, jeans, long dark hair and another white shirt. Us together with our best friend from work - laughing and joking - not a care, so young and no idea that we would stay together for forty years. Tears on the bus - not sobbing just creeping down my face. Such a precious lovely memory and again so vivid. And he kept his lovely dark hair to the end.

I realise what a joyous life we had together - these memories hurt but they are wonderful too as it is like watching a film of us for a short time. I cannot watch the real videos I have of him - that is too real. These memories are like watching from afar - soft and gentle and slightly blurry round the edges like a romantic film - which it was of course - our romance, part of our story.

So many wonderful times - but I just miss him so much. I know I am doing well but some days are so much worse than others. Today, and I really don’t know why, is one of those days.


I often picture my mum by a tree waving at me whenever I’m out driving. I can see her so clearly. Her little face dressed in her long grey coat handbag on her arm. Waving and smiling. I have no idea where it’s come from. I wave back whilst I cry.

hi Trisha
very nice memories.hopefully your good days will out way the bad ones.
sadly my bad days are nigh on 100 percent at present.but decided do a few posts on to show my love for Jayne and im passed caring if people post or not every can think of what to write on certain ive decided if no ones commenting on posts I will try my darnedest to think of something to write even if its just to say sorry for your loss.good luck Trisha

Ian sometimes I can’t find the words to reply to people. I’m so absorbed in my own thoughts. I go to write something and words fail me a lot. I’ve had a glass of wine tonight so they are flowing now. Lol.

I do read your posts and think “what a beautiful love you had”. That kind of love is precious.

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Hello Trisha, Arrrr such memories, they’re there all the time. When in town I walk past a restaurant and a pub where we regularly had a meal, usually on a Saturday dinnertime. I have never been into either of these places since Brian died but I have stood outside looking in, remembering. I walk through the square where we would meet up and look at the bench where he sat waiting for me.
Today I played his CD of him singing, I can hear his voice and it does bring some comfort but I still can’t get through without crying. Today I saw the neighbours going out and put Brian on as loud as I could and sang along with him. I don’t care what I sounded like.
Those silent tears are never ending. I also sit on the bus staring outside and those never ending tears slide down my face.
I was asked yesterday how we met. I could remember every detail even to what he was wearing. His hair also stayed dark and I have a lock of it in a small casket on the coffee table.
Those days that come with no warning. We think were getting on alright but it lasts a day or two and then that gut wrenching emptyness takes over yet again.
Today was the anniversary of his funeral, I remembered 10.30a.m. just as someone knocked the door, it was the water board they had come to tell me that there was a leak outside my house and they was taking up the road and footpath, back to reality…
Memories are bitter sweet.
Pat xxx

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Thank you for ‘listening’ and replying with your memories. They hurt but are so precious - and hopefully one day we will be able to think of them without the tears xxx


Sheila I have read your posts on what you have seen regarding the afterlife. I vividly can hear my mums voice. In my dreams. Last night it was so loud I shot up in bed. Just a simple “hello” is what I heard. Then the other night “all this worry about me is the last thing you need” my husband said I sat up in bed in my sleep and said “.I worry so much about you mum”.

Take comfort Jooles, I’m no expert but would say your Mum is cetainly still looking afer you. I find it so comforting when Brian makes an appearance. It lifts my mood for a day at least.
Pat xxx

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I have had some signs pattidot that have made my heart sing. And the only time I have genuinely smiled.

Sheila. I kept seeing those dandelion seeds. You know the fluff balls. One floated out of my ottoman bed where I keep my sheets and towels. I googled it and it meant guardian angel but I was a bit skeptical. Then I was falling asleep one night when all of sudden. “Birthday card” flashed into my head. So I run to my keepsake box and found my last birthday card from her. And on the front is a beautiful poem and in the poem it says “I hope you wish on dandelions like you did when you were a little girl and it gives you strength to get you through tough times”.

Hi Sheila and Jooles. I too heard Brian’s voice one night when I was in bed reading. It was exactly the way he would have called out to me… I answered him and ran to the top of the stairs before I realised.
What I have found is that there is absolutely no fear in seeing or feeling them.
I heard a sound in my dining room and when I went to investigate I saw Brian kneeling by his cupboard having a look inside, I had just sorted it out and knew he would hate me going through his things. I simply said. “Oh it’s you” and he replied. “Yes, your not alone”. The next thing I knew I was sat again on the settee in the living room. I felt no fear, it was a comforting experience.
I have told this before recently so sorry if you have already seen it. Last week I found out that Brian’s beloved Aunt had died and no one from his family had told me. We was very close and I found out that her ashes had been brought back to her birth town, I took two red roses to the cemetery and had a chat with her, as we was very close and Brian asked me to take care of her before he died, he knew his death would shatter her. She had passed away only weeks after him. As I left the cemetery a lone white feather fluttered down in front of me and as I picked it up a Robin landed by my side. I like to think it was the two of them acknowledging that I had been to her resting place. If you tell people about these sightings they will just think we are so consumed by grief and we have lost it.

I have mentioned a few things to various people and I can see the amusement in their faces. My Aunty lost her daughter when she was 14 years old through a brain haemorrhage. One night when she was in the kitchen she heard her shout “mum”. My aunt shouted “yes”. Then realised

She also had her old tape recorder and on it was her singing When she replayed it to her husband. Nothing there all gone. She visited a medium who told her things she could not possibly know. Dreams of her so vivid. Saw her in the reflection Of her mirror. My aunt is a very strong woman with no such beliefs of afterlife. But she did once her daughter died. And had all these signs and visitations.

I visited a waterfall recently. One that I am considering scattering mums ashes at. I was walking along a very muddy path when I notice one very white feather. Brand new. Not muddy not grey. Sparkling brand new and white. I saw no other feathers anywhere the whole day. Just that one brand new white feather. I was even the last person of the queue of people on that path that.

When I knew that Steve was going to pass away I said to him to please let me know you are ok. Let me know that you have got to where you are going. The day after he passed away I turned my phone on, expecting to see the Apple logo and a photo of Steve flashed on the screen. Coincidence? Who knows?

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