Memories hurt

It’s been really hard to think of all our happy times. I just cry and break my heart. Is it the same for everyone else.

Hi Jeanette it is so hard . I think of our holidays, favourite eating places our daft jokes it’s never ending this time last Christmas going to the Christmas markets. I totally understand how you are feeling.
Take care
Christine x

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Thank you Christine. I am not looking forward to Xmas at all. All the ornaments we got for each other and all our cards to each other we always kept so we could reminisce each year I just can’t bring myself to go near them boxes.
J xx

Hi Jeanette, I just wanted to add my understanding of how heartbroken you are feeling right now. You made beautiful memories with someone who loved you and who you loved very dearly. Right now may be too early and painful to recall them or to open boxes, but there will be a time when they will bring you great comfort. I was in a similar position this time last year. Kind regards, x

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I’m not sure if I’m fortunate in that I have a poor memory for detail. Today I have been out for Christmas lunch at a restaurant where I went frequently with my wife. I went with other members of the U3A book club and I expected it to be a difficult experience. It was the first time I had been there for a Christmas meal although my wife went at least once every Christmas with friends and work. Although I could remember where I had sat previously I couldn’t remember much detail as to what I had eaten or anything else for that matter. I didn’t find it particularly difficult and I’m glad I didn’t build it up too much in my mind. This weekend I’m going away for three nights in a hotel. It’s one we visited a lot. I went to stay in another hotel previously and it wasn’t as difficult as I expected. I had loads of flash back memories whilst out walking and occasionally felt very sad but also smiled occasionally. I keep reminding myself that my wife wouldn’t want me to paralysed by my memories and that she would completely approve. She always has encouraged me to do things I wanted to do, many of which didn’t interest her.
I can torture myself reflecting on the past and looking at photos and I can guarantee the outcome if I do that. However I can also derive some comfort from doing those things and just confirm how very lucky I was.

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I think thats incredibly brave of you and it gives me a little hope that one day I might be able to go away for a week-end break. Its something my late husband and I did very often, we loved a few days away in a nice hotel. Thank you for posting this, it is really inspiring. Enjoy your weekend. Best wishes Elaine x

Thank you
I’m not sure it is brave. I hover between brave and foolhardy. The hotels are really a means to an end as they are in my beloved Lake District and I spend the days walking. Last time I walked paths and admired views that were amongst our favourites. It felt quite therapeutic and I felt close to my wife in a place she loved. I think that sometimes it’s those first steps which are the hardest to take and then we have momentum. I just know she would expect me to be taking those steps.

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HI Jeanette

I agree with Rainbow - it’s too early for you. My husband died just over a year ago and it’s only recently I have been able to watch our DVD’s. I was really surprised at just how much comfort they brought me. Just give yourself time. You can’t hurry this grieving process. You will know when the time is right and when it is you will look at things and smile.

Yvonne

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