Hi can anyone tell me about their memories. I lost my love coming up.16 months and we were together for 20 years. I must have loads of happy memories of us but all I can remember is him dying and nothing else. I thought maybe my memories would come back after the shock but no nothing, I know we did loads and spent all our time together apart from when I was working but can’t remember anything lovely and fun just all the crap when he was dying although saying that I crashed my car twice when he was dying and couldnt remember this and had a argument with my car insurance as I said I hadn’t claimed when infact I did claim and called them. I do wonder if it is my brain protecting me but considering I beg for him to visit me every night and I get nothing , its all crap and I hate my life with out him x

Hi I’m very sorry for you loss. I’m 58 lost my husband 6 months ago I’m only just starting to remember the good memories but they are darken by his diagnosis of cancer then given 2 days to live went undetected for months even though I pushed and pushed for more tests knowing something was very wrong . Like you life is crap. X Take care

My husband died of sepsis caused by cancer and I wasn’t even told he had it
Like you I remembered only the day he died and how skeletal he was. I can recall the happy memories now two years down the line but from diagnosis to the day he died there is so much I can’t recall. There are things I have written in my diary that I have no memory of and I can"t remember much of the funeral and who attended
It is definitely your brain shutting down for a while until you cope.It had happened to me several times in the past.i am so sorry for your loss and please believe me when I say that things do become easier as time passes.

Dear @Marie51, as others who have unfortunately suffered a loss like you have mentioned, it is quite common to not be able to recall any good memories after a bereavement, but it isn’t common for this to be happening 16 months later. It must be extremely distressing for you, because the good memories can bring comfort during grief, but you don’t seem to be able to get this.

It is quite possible that you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Have you spoken to your GP about your suffering? Have you received any counselling? If not, do you think it is something that you might consider? Your GP will be able to refer you to the relevant mental health specialists, where they can then work out what is the best plan of action to help you. Of course, visiting your GP to talk about your problems or having counselling can be daunting, so you need to do whatever you feel is best for you right now.

Hi I have been to the doctor before lockdown and she has helped a little but not really that much. I had 10 weeks off grieve counselling but that finished a while ago. Perhaps I should call the doctor although they are still not seeing anyone

Dear Marie, yes, maybe you should call your GP. Doctors are unfortunately often quite poor at dealing with grief, but if you call your GP and tell them how you’re feeling, and that you think you might be suffering from PTSD and you would like to see a mental health professional so that you could be properly diagnosed as you’re really not coping, then your GP should refer you. A friend from this site contacted his GP and got a referral for PTSD and had his first telephone session on Monday, it isn’t fair that you have been suffering for so many months, it must be very distressing for you and you need to be able to access the treatment you require to help you cope.

Thank you yes I will try and see what they say. Thanks for the advice

Good luck. Let me just warn you, because of the demand for mental health services, it is possible they triage you, and say they cannot see you at this moment. If they do, please ensure that you stand your ground and tell them that you must be seen, tell them you have suffered for more than a year and that you need to be seen. Hope it works out for you.

Thanks very much for the advice x