Memory Triggers for my mum

Hi
My mum died on March 19th 2020. She had been admitted a week before with pneumonia and we only knew for definite she was going to die about 12 hours before she did when the doctors moved her onto their end of life care plan. I miss her so much. Triggers are every where. Here I am sorting my clothes and I pick up my crochet cardigan as I remember the cuff on one sleeve is coming apart and I remember my mum saying, “Bring it down. I can mend it.” The memory makes me cry as I have no one else in my life who would say that to me now and she can’t. The other day I was picking blackberries in my garden and I ‘heard’ her say, “Here try this one. I have just had one and it’s really sweet.” So I had one and yes it was sweet. I picked some blackberries and put them in a tin as she would have done. I remembered last year she had given me one of her small blackberry and apple pies she had made which had the juice staining its base and had sugar sprinkled on top. Overwhelmed by my grief I couldn’t any longer do anything with my picked blackberries so I left them in a tin outside.

Hi Janet and Welcome. Yes, the pain is awful and the emotions you are having are common to us all. So often it’s the little things that hurt the most. But your mum did speak to you and that in itself is a blessing. The other night I was ‘triggered’ just drawing the curtains, and that after twenty months. It happens and we can only accept it with as much patience as we can muster.
‘Overwhelmed’ is a very appropriate word. It’s as if we are caught in a wave of fear and pain and get carried along with it.
It’s very early for you to do anything other than grieve in your own way, certain in the knowledge that love is never lost or dies.
Allow memories to come. Some may not be good at the moment, but give yourself more time. It does ease and often slowly.
Take care. Blessings. John.

Hi Janet, I am so sorry you miss her. She sounds like she was a wonderful mother. As Jonathan says, you just have to accept that these triggers will upset you, as it has only been a few months. After time, the pain will still be there, but hopefully it will become bearable. In the meantime, please continue talking about her at this forum whenever you want to.

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