Mine was 42, it’s definitely a scary thought, I found him passed away in bed 
people say to me “least he was peaceful and went in his sleep”
That doesn’t help me one bit, obviously that’s the way everyone would love to go but not for me who found him, 
coroners report last week said undiagnosed left ventricular hypertrophy!
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@Sarlyn yes Baz was the same . Absolutely fine , gone in a second. I’m still feeling the deep shock over a year later . In fact this is something which I feel is impossible to get over don’t you ?
The only difference was my Baz did smoke , but not heavy. He was otherwise extremely fit 
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@Flower_garden yes that is very true . Mine died very suddenly with no chance to say goodbye. I can imagine that if he had been “ ill” then I still would be in the same state .
The only difference I could think of really would be shock that I felt when the news was broke to me was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
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@Sarlyn yes I’ve had that one as well . It’s no comfort is it because the shock of a sudden unexpected death stays with you for ever
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@AJO not saying goodbye or being there to comfort them is so horrible. Baz was 59 and I thought very fit
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@Ang5 oh no that must be a whole new level of trauma finding your man in bed , not breathing. I’m so sorry. Baz died in the doctors surgery aged 59
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@Ali29 its a double edged sword isn’t it ? Baz died suddenly and unexpectedly and I would have wanted to say goodbye and hold his hand
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@Ilovehorses @Ladysuisei6 was absolutely horrendous, I thought it was a joke at first, won’t ever get over it, I mean he looked peaceful and asleep but I’ve got the most horrendous guilt, not getting there sooner, not noticing any signs, I’ve slept with the lights on since, I feel so scared on a night
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When people say to me he wouldn’t have known anything about it because it was so sudden and he didn’t suffer, I get so upset because they don’t realise he also had no time to say goodbye to his loved one’s, no knowledge anything was wrong with him, no chance to put any of his wishes in place verbally, no opportunity to choose his time to go, no family surrounding him with love and how can anyone say he didn’t suffer? How can anyone know that?
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@Ang5 yes being told your love has just suddenly and unexpectedly died does feel a bit like a horrible sick joke at first . I found it so unbelievable I just screamed for ages in shock . We were in the doctors surgery and I think someone calmed me down but I can’t remember. I still feel guilty after a year and no , I’ve not slept properly ever since . In fact life is just a horror show and I can’t see things changing
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@Sarlyn yes I often wonder this too . How can we be sure they didn’t suffer? As you’ve pointed out , no time to say goodbye, no time to put wishes / arrangements in place and all the rest of it - I know full well my Baz would have wanted this . It breaks my heart
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@Hazel.1966 oh your comments are so full of regret and missed opportunities, but none of them were your fault. I do totally understand the guilt though because my Baz seemed absolutely fine , apart from hurting himself falling downstairs. The night before he looked peaky so I phoned 111, ( no emergency for 999) they said take some painkillers and he was a lot better the next morning. By 6pm he was dead and I’ll never get over it . All these posts are just so sad
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@Ladysuisei6
He also had no time to mentally accept or process he was leaving this world and for me there is no shock worse than sudden death. None period
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@Ilovehorses that sound’s horribly traumatic. Such a lot of panic involved and the shock must have been overwhelming. I didn’t see Baz afterwards because the ambulance took him away and , as I was in the doctors, I was being treated for the shock . It’s all like a really bad nightmare which will stay with me forever
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@Sarlyn i agree with you because just before it happened, Baz started losing his breath , the doctor said she’d “ look after him “ and I was screaming save him . Of course he knew what was happening. It is horrendous isn’t it and like you , I’ll never ever get over it
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@Ang5 oh no , finding your man already dead must be so traumatic. Like a horror film . I don’t think there’s anything positive about an awful situation like this . I’m really sorry
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Part of the trauma that I have to deal with for the rest of my life is that he didn’t look peaceful, he looked as though he died in agony or fear or both and I’ll never get that image out of my head. My Gp has suggested trauma counselling, but I don’t think anything will erase that image.I can’t look at the garden or go in it.
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@Mist2
I know several people who witnessed their loved one dying of a sudden heart attack who saw utter fear. I briefly saw it myself with Jim before the paramedics took him. The images never leave you. You are unable to process it as it doesn’t register in your brain as there is no time for it to do so
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I’m similar spoke to my fiancé on the phone of July 2023 for half hour said our goodbyes love you see you soon hour later tried calling police finally answered but knew he had already gone it was sudden and he was only 51 3 years and today would have been our 2 year engagement anniversary so so sad life is so cruel
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All of these comments, all very similar and were all in shock and trauma I absolutely hate it, every bit of it, @Sarlyn i agree with you about sudden death being the worst, one minute they’re here and the next gone, in the blink of an eye, no plans, no goodbyes, nothing! His mother arranged his funeral and i wasn’t allowed any say, that’s another story, she chose a Catholic service and he wasn’t religious! Not a single song what he loved!! Just all Catholic hymns!! I think that’s one of the reasons I didn’t cry? I was disgusted at what she done!!! He was a prison officer who had medals for saving peoples lives and nothing was mentioned about his career!! I wanted to grab the microphone and tell everyone how amazing he was!! His son was mentioned once!!! Again I wanted to tell everyone how much of an amazing dad he was!! I felt like his send off was for the mother and nobody else!!! I my head i was thinking if only he had wrote down his wishes! We had spoke about funerals ages ago like joking about and I knew this Catholic service wouldn’t of been what he wanted!! just so horrendous, all of it!
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