Mental Health & severe trauma after Covid Loss

Hi Everyone

I lost my Dad to Covid Feb 21.

I feel for many of us who have lost, have or will have some sort of Trauma or Ptsd. There are many triggers for us daily but little to no support. I also feel a Covid loss is more of a complex grief than other losses.
I have lost both my parents now whilst in my 40s. My Mum 3 yrs ago, yet no one ever questions my Mum’s passing. They don’t ask, “but was your Mum old?”. “was she overweight?”. “did she have any other health conditions?”. I tell them how she passed, and it is accepted.

A Covid Loss has been politicised, has been denied by many culminating in compounding our grief. There are signs everywhere mentioning Covid, people are constantly discussing it, or not wearing masks. Then there are those that ask, “but was your Dad vaxed?”. No he wasn’t. His letter inviting him to his first, arrived the day of his funeral. He never had that choice to deny a Vax, they weren’t available then.

Their funerals were small during the height of the pandemic, no one could hug, close elderly family too scared to travel & attend. No wake, they weren’t permitted. So I had to attend my Dad’s funeral & then come home to an empty house as he lived with me. In other times their lives & passing could be acknowledged. You had support from family or friend. But not during a lockdown.

I was also fortunate or unfortunate to visit him in a Covid Ward to say my goodbyes. Others weren’t permitted to say goodbye they were faced with the indignity of behind a screen or via an iPad. I had a front row seat to my Dad’s decline something I will never get out of my memory.

After I agreed to no more intervention they sent my Dad home to me on the Monday after a very lucid goodbye on the Friday with him begging me to get him home. I did what his last wishes were. The hospital bought him home to me unconscious, two porters bought him in in a Body Bag. When I tell people this, they don’t believe me. My son was home from uni & said, " are you sure that’s Grandad". He’d spoken to him via facetime on the Fri as only one could go in Covid Ward. He’d seen him sat up talking. Then witnessed his beloved grandad unconscious with an end of life driver.
Again we were in lockdown so we had no help from anyone else except two nurses who checked his meds. ( Twice they sent us to pharmacy to get them as they’d run out).
It took 12 days of us witnessing my Dad’s passing. 12 days of just us sat with him. The Dr who were still hiding under their desks, didn’t even come out. I had to hold my phone up with face time to my dad’s face for him to be able to say he’d seen him to write his death certificate.
My son and I then alone had to dress him ready for funeral home. A community nurse came to check he had passed. Again I had a front row seat to her doing the checks.

Am I angry? Yes. I’m angry to those denying Covid is real, those walking about with no masks. Those knowing they are sick & still going about their days.
Those who joke saying " Crona got me" it’s just a cold.

Those celebrating saying yeah, back to normal. Well if we are going back to normal. I’ll have my Dad back then.

In America the numbers are equivalent to a 9/11 daily for two years. Yet are loved ones have been forgotten. No memorial. No special day.

Do we who witness a Covid death have ptsd? I’m sure of it. I believe the next pandemic will be a mental health pandemic from Covid loss, witnessing it & the daily triggers. This country can’t cope now with mental health issues let alone the fall out from this.


Ian so sorry for what you have been subjected to and am sorry for your devastating loss. I lost my husband ten months ago he had a cardiac arrest in front of me. I did cpr but a month later he died. He did follow instruction and came round from sedation but the day after they extubated him flooded his lungs and gave him brain damage. I have had counselling and have been referred for ptsd counselling which starts in March. My mental health is on the floor. I can’t imagine what your mental health is like. I hope you can get some help. I don’t think we will ever come to terms with our loss. We can try to honour them by slowly moving forward with our lives but our lives are changed forever and we will never be the same people again. Sending you a hug. Please keep posting as everyone on this site help each other to get through xx


What a horrendous chain of events for you to go through. My hubby died in August but not to covid although if it wasn’t for covid maybe he would have been seen earlier and be here now but I will never for sure if that’s the case. Sorry for your loss and how undignified for her dad to be brought home in a body bag that’s unbelievable mate I would be wanting answers if that was me. I know nothing can bring back our loved ones but we all need answers and justice for our relatives. I will never forgive the NHS for treatment of Jim I’m had better service from my local vet. And yes we are heading for a mental health pandemic my mental health has hit a all time high and I can’t get any help no one’s interested. How do we manage to keep going when we don’t have anything to look forward to anymore all our hopes and dreams of the future gone in a blink of an eye. Take care my friend . :broken_heart:


Thank you for your comments xx

Thank you for posting and I am sorry for your loss. I have just joined this group tonight because I feel in need some help.
Like you, my dad died from covid in March.
We were unable to visit as he was in isolation. I was meant to have a video call with him but he wasn’t able to that day because he was on a large oxygen mask.
He was stable and then all of a sudden went downhill very quickly having developed a blood clot.
There was nothing they could do. We were able to be at the hospital with him when he died - ironically the day he came out of isolation.

I feel all the things you have said and I’ve been through every emotion there is and continue to be.
I also feel like the nature of his death, the suddenness of it, the ability to not make contact, the whole covid thing … has made it extremely traumatic - I think you might be right about PTSD.

Since his death there have been various family issues which have made matters even worse.

Everything is hard to bare, but thank you for your story, it is good to know that it is not just me and that I am not slowly going off my head.