I lost my Dad to Covid Feb 21.
I feel for many of us who have lost, have or will have some sort of Trauma or Ptsd. There are many triggers for us daily but little to no support. I also feel a Covid loss is more of a complex grief than other losses.
I have lost both my parents now whilst in my 40s. My Mum 3 yrs ago, yet no one ever questions my Mum’s passing. They don’t ask, “but was your Mum old?”. “was she overweight?”. “did she have any other health conditions?”. I tell them how she passed, and it is accepted.
A Covid Loss has been politicised, has been denied by many culminating in compounding our grief. There are signs everywhere mentioning Covid, people are constantly discussing it, or not wearing masks. Then there are those that ask, “but was your Dad vaxed?”. No he wasn’t. His letter inviting him to his first, arrived the day of his funeral. He never had that choice to deny a Vax, they weren’t available then.
Their funerals were small during the height of the pandemic, no one could hug, close elderly family too scared to travel & attend. No wake, they weren’t permitted. So I had to attend my Dad’s funeral & then come home to an empty house as he lived with me. In other times their lives & passing could be acknowledged. You had support from family or friend. But not during a lockdown.
I was also fortunate or unfortunate to visit him in a Covid Ward to say my goodbyes. Others weren’t permitted to say goodbye they were faced with the indignity of behind a screen or via an iPad. I had a front row seat to my Dad’s decline something I will never get out of my memory.
After I agreed to no more intervention they sent my Dad home to me on the Monday after a very lucid goodbye on the Friday with him begging me to get him home. I did what his last wishes were. The hospital bought him home to me unconscious, two porters bought him in in a Body Bag. When I tell people this, they don’t believe me. My son was home from uni & said, " are you sure that’s Grandad". He’d spoken to him via facetime on the Fri as only one could go in Covid Ward. He’d seen him sat up talking. Then witnessed his beloved grandad unconscious with an end of life driver.
Again we were in lockdown so we had no help from anyone else except two nurses who checked his meds. ( Twice they sent us to pharmacy to get them as they’d run out).
It took 12 days of us witnessing my Dad’s passing. 12 days of just us sat with him. The Dr who were still hiding under their desks, didn’t even come out. I had to hold my phone up with face time to my dad’s face for him to be able to say he’d seen him to write his death certificate.
My son and I then alone had to dress him ready for funeral home. A community nurse came to check he had passed. Again I had a front row seat to her doing the checks.
Am I angry? Yes. I’m angry to those denying Covid is real, those walking about with no masks. Those knowing they are sick & still going about their days.
Those who joke saying " Crona got me" it’s just a cold.
Those celebrating saying yeah, back to normal. Well if we are going back to normal. I’ll have my Dad back then.
In America the numbers are equivalent to a 9/11 daily for two years. Yet are loved ones have been forgotten. No memorial. No special day.
Do we who witness a Covid death have ptsd? I’m sure of it. I believe the next pandemic will be a mental health pandemic from Covid loss, witnessing it & the daily triggers. This country can’t cope now with mental health issues let alone the fall out from this.