Hi,
I lost my son in 2009. He was stillborn. I still struggle to this day. My emotions are all over the place, one day i am fine then the next i am stressed out and i feel angry. I know its been 15 years but i am still not coping fully. 
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Grieving doesn’t has a timeline, and what you are feeling is completely normal. It’s okay to talk more openly to people around or even here this community is just amazing. Sometimes life is just unfair and what you’ve experienced is one of the most difficult thing to experience as a human and a parent. All I can say take care of yourself, whenever you feel stressed or angry express it safely and try to do somethings that can calm you a simple walk in the park or may be try Mandala art.
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Thank you for your reply. I will definitely take your ideas on board.