Is it normal to have suicidal thoughts so you can be back with your partner?
It’s been two weeks today since I lost my soulmate suddenly and I keep having waves of wanting to end my life to be back with him. The pain I am feeling is unimaginable and I can’t picture things getting better.
I am going to lose my house and potentially some of our treasured possessions due to finances. Life is so cruel.
The only thing getting me through each day is spending time with him in the chapel of rest but I am so scared for when I can’t go and see him anymore.
Hi, Im so so sorry for your loss, i wanted to reach out as ive been exactly the same. i lost my beautiful nan nearly 9 months ago and i have had suicidal thoughts. no actual plans but just want to be with my nan, she raised me as a child so she was more of a mum than a nan, These thoughts lessen with time its still so early for you, im having bereavement councilling and i write in a journal everyday to my nan. it really helps. always here if you want to message.
@Cjmpr
Yes this is normal! You are at the very early raw painful stage and having thoughts to join them is something that is a common theme among us in here.
Losing your partner is unimaginable. I’m 3 months in from losing my partner to sudden death and the beginning for me was just as you describe.
Your partners death is one thing but to lose your house and possessions is awful and I’m sorry you are going through all this.
You will find a lot of support here and although it’s excruciating now, it does get lighter as you travel through this.
Take small steps through each hour and keep writing how you feel on here. There is a lot of support from people who know exactly how you feel.
You are not alone. I went through this when my husband passed at end of December. I have no family support as our two children want nothing to do with me. I just wanted it all to end and be with him again. Had no intentions of taking my own life and I would like to say to does get lighter and you will get through this. Take small steps at a time and don’t bottle your feelings up. Keep talking and writing on here. Be have all been there at some point
Aw … me too … like you december ! I am still very up and down - i hate being without him and wish we had gone together … its do lonely and sad and im not sure if i will ever feel alright again ;( xx
Yes it’s absolutely normal. I’m 8 weeks in on Wednesday and I’ve looked in to all kinds of methods online.
The only thing that stops me is being scared that I’d mess it up and end up with brain damage or heart problems as a result and end up worse off than before
I often think death is the only way out of my situation. Whatever happens after death has to be better than this. Either it’s absolutely nothing and I won’t be aware I even existed or if there’s anything after death then I’ll be reunited with everyone I’ve ever lost. Both sound better than how I’m feeling now.
On the other hand I sometimes get moments where I think I’m stuck here, if I’ve got another twenty years left here then do I want to spend it miserable and waiting for my time to come or do I want to try and enjoy it to the best of my ability?
It’s hard. I don’t know how to navigate my grief or my life at the minute. I just wish he could tell me what I’m supposed to do next because I have no idea
I’m so sorry that you are going to lose your home too
I can’t even imagine having the extra stress of that to deal with at what is already the hardest time of your life.
I lost my daughter suddenly at the age of 22, l cannot believe it is coming up to 17yrs ago.
Then l lost my husband last June same again suddenly through a massive heart attack.
Yep l have had feelings of giving up especially at the beginning, it’s bloody hard but my heart goes out to you.
I know it’s been said before but take small steps and don’t be hard on yourself xxxxx
I’m just over 9 months into this hell. Yes, at the start of this journey, I just wanted to go, go and join him; I really do believe this is the first reaction, why wouldn’t it be? Our whole world has just imploded!
At this stage now, it’s just the utter devastation and loneliness, the stark realisation that it’s just “ me” no longer “us”…
People say it does ease in time, I’m yet to experience that… but that all consuming, screaming, crying does diminish. That being said, it doesn’t mean the pain is less or the longing goes away; I’m finding now, the pain is deeper as I know he’s not coming back. I know what my life looks like now and I hate it! Can I change it? No… but I do try to find snippets of light where I can, not easy, but that’s what we do I suppose?
I’ve had a few days were I think “ I’m coping “ but they are swiftly erased with finding a silly thing like, an unopened tin of paint for example! It’s that instant realisation, he’s not coming back…
It has been 6 weeks since I lost my partner.
I pray every night that I don’t wake up.
I wish I had the courage to end all this anxiety, fear and pain.
I can’t imagine my life without Steve.
I wish it had of been me that died that day.
I don’t know who to turn to for help.
Yeh i agree its when the reality hits you hes not here … i just miss chatting to him ! Anout stupid trivial things! That companionship ! Its so special isnt it ! And we didnt even realise it when they were here xx
@Cjmpr lost my husband suddenly at Christmas. He was 53 years old. Had no closure and no answers. Lost our future plans and dreams. Life is unfair and so cruel. I don’t like my new life at all and want my old life back. Miss him so much. Every day I wish I wasn’t here but have a son of 22 and know that I couldn’t do that to him. I have to keep plodding along with this new life. It’s still early days for you. Little steps at a time. Hopefully you have got support from family and friends. Big hugs xx
It’s not easy it’s horrible ,
I miss my daughter and husband like crazy. I carry the pain with me, I am further on than some , but l have ambushes.
I get lonely and sometimes I feel l can’t go on. But some how l do.
I don’t have anyone l trust to talk about my daughter and husband. My friend has her own problems so I have learnt in the last 10 months to keep it to myself.
My heart has been broken, l only have my son now who is Autistic and severely handicapped. I promised my husband on his death bed that I would keep going for him, but it’s bloody hard and lonely.
@Jeanine1 I am so sorry to hear that you lost your daughter and your husband. Life is certainly cruel and unfair. Do you get any support at all with your son? Are you getting support yourself?. I know that you said that you have a friend but keep things to yourself. Have you got other friends that are there for you. I lost my husband suddenly at Christmas and struggling every day. He was 53 years old. All our future plans and dreams have gone.
Big hugs xx
Did you see the coronation concert last night with a girl called lucy ( from leeds -my neck of the woods) playing the piano - she is blind and autistic !! Wow she was flipping brilliant !!! Xxx if anybody missed it google lucy, coronation Worth a watch xx
Thank you all for your messages. Apologies for the late reply, I just haven’t been with it the past few days. I was informed today that tomorrow will be my last day to view my partner at the chapel of rest due to deterioration. I know I’m still in total denial but I suppose this will be the first step of accepting he isn’t here anymore. It’s going to be a very hard day.
@Cjmpr will be thinking about you.
I spent hours with my partner and then I had to have my final viewing.
I left tears on his face when I had to leave him for the final time.
goes out to you.
xx
xxx