I know this sounds stupid but my stepdaughter had reiki done recently and she told me John hsd psssed a message on to me. He said he didn’t like what i’d done to the kitchen and not to get rid of the couch. Its been 18 months since hes gone and all ive done is make the house cosy and safe for my 2 boys, i work hard and everything i do is for my boys. My stepdaughter comes every Sunday with her boyfriend and i cook a roast dinner do we all get to spend time together and all i get is more criticism from him. I cant stop crying. Why doesn’t he tell me he misses me or loves me.

Hi.Sally. Be careful, be very careful. Reiki is a body treatment that can be a very useful help in healing the body. There is a spiritual dimension to it, but a genuine practitioner would never talk about messages from the dead. No way! Be extra cautious about healing the mind. Many people pass on so called ‘messages’ from loved ones. It can hurt, as it has done with you.
How do you or anyone else know what’s authentic and what’s not?
It doesn’t sound in the least bit stupid. It obviously worries you. Passing on secondhand hearsay can cause real problems.
Right or wrong that is not the way to talk to someone who is bereaved, unless they specifically ask for it.
I very much doubt it has anything to do with your John. He does miss you and love you as much as ever as you do him.
Take it with a pinch of salt. If it happens again just say ‘oh, now that’s interesting’.
There are so many people about who take a delight in telling us they are in touch with those on the ‘other side’. But ‘test the spirits to see if they are of God’.
You will know if anything genuine comes to you.
Take care.


hi Jonathan

I used to be a Reiki Master/Teacher until I turned my back on it following the loss of little Henry at 13 months old due to a liver shunt, he was a litter brother to Winston, our daughter’s pug. from that Wednesday night in 2017 I have not practised it again. I used to get messages when giving a treatment, then again, I’ve always been able to receive messages from a very early age.

I have always been very respective of the spirit world, and sometimes the messages won’t leave my mind until I’ve passed them on, there have been times when passing a message has been inappropriate and in such instances I would never pass them on.

not everyone is open to want to know and it is always a delicate subject. I’ve always believed you have to know what and how the intended recipient feels about spiritual matters.

Reiki is life force energy and comes from the earth, it is open to all faiths, creeds etc, the experiences are always personal to each individual.

I was trained as a 10th generation master, that said, it was only when I started to compile my own training manuals the story of Reiki I was taught was not strictly correct, this led me to researching the true story of Reiki and opened up a myriad of questions, inconsistencies, conflicting explantions and beliefs. also some unscrupulous practitioners, not all are of course, but there were a few that surfaced.

during my research and teachings I found that not all Reiki practitioners were what they portrayed. I am not accusing anyone of being unscrupulous but you always get one who isn’t sincere and genuine as you do in all walks of life.

we are all capable of being attuned to reiki, the description we used to give our students was that we were like the flex between the electricity supply and the kettle, with the kettle representing the person receiving the treatment and the electricity being the earth’s energy. I used to find it really relaxing.

sorry, didn’t intend to go into a lengthy explanation. I have always been able to do healing and since my loss of faith in Reiki I reverted back to my own form of healing and beliefs.

passing on messages should be treated with respect for all concerned, I certainly wouldn’t pass on a message to a third party, and certainly not without asking permission first.

it is a very fine line knowing when to remain silent and when to divulge.

sorry for the lengthy post, think I got carried away.

hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today


Thanks for your reply, its hard to take it with a pinch of salt but I know I should. I think I look for ways for him to contact me and when he did it was over something stupid. It really hurt me. I expect messages to tell me that hes ok and happy and he misses us not that he doesn’t like the kitchen. I’ll try your advice. Thank you xx

Hi Sally. Do you honestly believe that John would be concerned about the kitchen and the couch? We just can’t get away from Earthly things can we. None of that matters in the least where they have gone. It really beggars belief that anyone could give you such so called messages when you are in a state of grief. It’s downright cruel.
You and us all are at our most vulnerable, and often people will play on that and not necessarily for gain. I have seen so many hurt emotionally by so called messages.
Keep him in your heart. You will know when something is said that rings true.
Take care and be kind to yourself.


Hi Sally,

I love Jonathan’s advice of saying “Oh, that’s interesting”. It is polite but cuts any future conversations that upset you short. I may use that myself!

I don’t know much about Reiki but I do trust that I know my loved ones who have died. You will know in your heart what John would want to tell you if he could. Love doesn’t die so cherish your love for each other.

If your home changes bring you and your family comfort then I am sure John would approve.

Resentment, anger, bitterness are all part of grief so maybe your stepdaughter is struggling in her own way. My mum’s advice would be to just try to love each other. I don’t need Reiki to tell me that, I just know.

Take care and enjoy your new furniture!

Ann xxx

hi Sally
ive just read most of the responses and as I know nothing about reiki I cannot comment on it.but as a person who lost a loved one I have a little experience in what relatives will say she wanted he wanted when they passed,not that this is toally relevant ,but my point is does your step daughter want the couch or other possessions of her fathers,and rather than ask go a weird way about Partners mother told me that Jayne had not written a will but had specifically said Jayne wanted her and her dad have Jaynes house and the pension.
I didn’t know if Jayne had written a will as it wasn’t something ever on our minds.but I knew if Jayne got to 55 years old she planned or we planned take the option of a lump sum on Jaynes pension and sell up and move to Brixham off course I didn’t say this to her mum as I didn’t was cause testate laws are at present I had no say in the house or who would get regards the pension I didn’t know till after 6 months ,after id had fill in pension forms etc which were also filled in by Jaynes family.long and short it was decided in my favour 100 percent.not that this eases the pain from losing Jayne or makes me feel happy.sorry for beating round the bush but my point is just take anything this step daughter says in your stride and basically ignore it and do whats best for your self .obviously without stirring hosilites as probably best to make her think you believe this in my opinion made up stuff thats shes mentioned. I like you said would be hoping that anything said by a partner who no longer here would be they love you or something nice any ways.hope this makes a little sense.very sorry if it doesnt .