I am angry and embarrassed as I messed up big time this week. For distraction and to avoid loneliness I help at a theatre. We are all volunteers.
This week the show had themes of alzheimer’s and suicide. I found it very intense and brought back memories of my husband’s last 3 months.
He did not have alzheimer’s but short term mrmory loss, following multiple seizures when his cancer wrnt to his brain.
I felt like running away but was trapped as my role was to stay until the end of the show.
After the show, I got very angry at somebody from a group who had been rehearsing in another room and shouted at this person.
It was wrong to do so but it was due to my feelings and how the play set me back on my bereavement journey.
I don’t know how to make amends as I upset a lot of people, acting like a crazy person.
Dear @DENISE16
Anger can be experienced in many ways throughout the grieving process and there is no time limit on grieving. The show has brought back many painful memories. This will pull you right down understandably and take you back to your husbands last 3 months.
I would speak to the person you shouted at and explain as to how you were feeling and the affect the show had on you. This person may not be aware of your bereavement. Certain situations can affect your personality while grieving. All of which is normal.
It might help to say people that this show or situation might affect you beforehand and they will understand. Please don’t be hard on yourself, grief is a horrible journey to be on. You have not messed up. You are still grieving.
Take care.
Peppers
My dear Denise
Please don’t feel embarrassed or that you have messed up. What a terrible experience for you and of course the show would have brought back terrible memories for you. How could anyone not have reacted. Is there no one at the theatre that knows you have experienced a loss and how the show made you react. I would explain to someone that might have understanding and perhaps they can help you by explaining. Your colleagues should then have some understanding of your situation.
I had to call the Gas board last week as they had started addressing letters to my husband again and was told I had to go through the bereavement Dept yet again. I did all this four years ago and just the thought of it all over again made me flip and I was once again in tears as it all came back to me. So it can happen to any of us at any time.
Good luck
The core of theatre people know my situation but obviously not audience or all the cast and crew of the various productions. While I knew the play dealt with Alzheimer’s, as that was not my husband’s situation I did not think it would affect me. Thankfully they are short runs so this play is over.