Seven weeks in from losing my love to suicide and grief is in full swing. The more im trying to take back some control of my emotional and mental wellbeing the more grief is showing me who is wearing the trousers. Everything and nothing are triggers to mini meltdowns and feel exhausted all the time even doing very little. There has to be a turning point to strength returning to be able to get back to some kind of new ‘normality’. I guess even wanting that shows some progress from the previous weeks so should be grateful for that but its just everything is so unpredictable at the moment. Each day feels different but no better than the last.
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Hi @Tali ,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
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Tali, it’s still early days. It’s been nearly 7 weeks for me, and every time I feel I’m calming down I’ll have a major trigger or sometimes just sob out of nowhere. I try and live in the moment. Not thinking of the past or present, and all the annoying problems I am struggling with are tiny compared to losing my love. I too feel exhausted. Can’t get more then 6 hours of sleep, stomach forever upset. Someone told me today I need to rest and have a chill day. They have no idea just what that would do to me. Nothing to do but think about all I have lost would be a nightmare. Just keep getting through the days, and believe at some point you will find a new you that can live again. You have got this far, you can do it.
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I agree no matter how tired I am and I get exhausted I can’t sleep more than 5 hours. I sometimes feel quite unwell but that’s the grief. You can only deal with here and now people are always asking me what will I do about this or that and I say I have no idea. But I’ve booked a cottage to go away to next week for a few nights. I didn’t think I could do it, but I’m looking forward to it. It’s almost 10 weeks since I lost my husband and I want to get away from everything to see if I feel any better, see if I can relax better
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Lost, I get it. So many people have asked me if I am going to sell the house and move, sell his car, sell both cars and get a new one, etc., etc. “Now that it is being painted and repairs made, it is a great time to sell.” “The cars are in excellent condition and will sell easily”. “What are you doing with his shotguns/fishing poles/marsh land?”
Lots of questions dealing with our 'stuff". My house and cars are paid for, can we just wait a while? I am peddling as fast as I can.
Much love.
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Don’t let anyone rush you, it’s none of their business. I’ve been asked if I’m going to be moving. I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow let alone moving. This is as I see it just a time when all you can hope to do is get through it. That’s a big achievement at the moment, when it gets dark and I can say I’ve done another day that’s my achievement. I bet lots of grief stricken people make lots of mistakes at this time because it’s all we can do to breathe
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@Tali Totally understand where you are coming from. My husband took his life 6 weeks ago following difficult times this past few years, it was very stressful dealing with it all, but now he had rid himself of his demons and he is where he wants to be.
For the past 2 days I haven’t been as bad (i.e. not sobbing uncontrollably), but then I saw a photo on my laptop of the cat we had put to sleep just a month before he took his life, and it set me off. Any random thing can set you off, and that is ok.
Being a pragmatist, the view I have taken is whatever I am feeling, I am just going to ‘roll with it’. That has included panic attacks, being really scared of being alone, and just crying and crying. I ‘think’ this may be helping me, but we are all different, and you may find something that works for you, in time. You are already doing well in recognising everything is unpredictable, and of course you are making progress, you may not notice it at the moment, but subtle differences will, and probably are happening.
Keep posting, and let us know how you are getting on during this really really really crappy time.
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I totally understand the panic attacks and scared of being alone. The panic is itself very scary, you have to deep breathe to get through it. The scared feeling is also awful, scared of so many things that you hadn’t thought of before. Like what is something happens to me in thd night and needing to keep the phone nearby. Life itself is so much more scary. I feel exposed, vulnerable, alone, totally alone.
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Thank you for your messages. Its reassuring to know im not alone in this even though it feels that way. I cant think about any future at the moment. My brain can only deal with moment to moment and seeing how it feels in those moments. Thought I was doing much better today but that changed when I left the house and drove five minutes. Something as simple as the hills in the distance and a surge of grief came up for another melt down. We used to walk lots in nature so a simple thing such an unexpected trigger. I admire all of your courage and messages. They are like a big hug saying that im not alone or losing the plot so thank you x
Reading these messages we can see that the awful feelings we are having are being experienced by so many. Anything can be a trigger for me it was walking past some shaving foam in sainsbury!
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It’s been nearly 6 months for me, it’s slightly better less meltdowns but still they come so fast and unexpected.
I am on holiday lanzaroti now nice weather was siting by the see in a cafe I looked towards the harbour the whoosh masive meltdown had to leave to gather my thoughts .
They will never stop I think, but don’t want them to I shows how much I miss her and still tink about her. And always will.
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Of course, we will always miss them. I’m having few days away next week I’m hoping feel better away. Only 10 weeks on Friday for me
@Lost12 @Steve123 Im glad you are getting away. Change of place gives hope. I cant wait to get back to life, back to work and back to me. Life has so many challenges but also so many amazing things. My love chose to opt out so when I get back to life im going to live it to the best for the two of us. Just need grief and time to give me some of me back so I can get on with it. Small steps. Thank you for sharing your experiences. They do give me hope and a future to look forward to x
Thank you, I won’t know if going away is a good idea till I do it but have to try. Good luck to you for when you can get on with life. I know grief cannot be rushed, I have asked people if I am going to make huge decisions like moving when my husband had only just passed. Rediculous, here I am just trying to cling on x
It is very good I really am enjoying it, not that I don’t shed a tear or two most days, the worst bit was at the airport as I was traveling alone but I knew people when I got there.
Don’t think I would have gone this soon on my own.
But who knows next year I will be on my own, but I have to get used to that that’s how life is going forward.
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So glad you are enjoying it, good to hear someone on here is getting some enjoyment