Mirror Mirror on the wall

Dont know who it is looking back at me in the mirror now but its not the jo i know not the same jo who would laugh everything off not the person who was so content knowing the love of her life was by her side forever who had people around her all the time and who people would want to be around… now i see a sad miserably lonely middle aged woman who hasnt got the man of her dreams by her side who doesnt want to be around people and that now people dont want to be around her because they dont know what to say incase she crys… so what do i do now ??

I so understand I cry all the time now but remember the girl that your darling husband loved, you are still there and he is somewhere even if just in your heart still looking down and loving your xxx

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hi lucy ive cried more in the last 9 1/2 weeks than i have in all of my life … i hope you are well x thank you for your reply take care jo xx

I feels the as you do Jo When I look at recent photos of myself husband together, I think who is that. Feel I have aged, miss him so much, I feel worse than I did three months ago when he died. Life will never be the same. The new norm I hate

thank you for your message im glad im not the only one… part of us went with them we are just shadows of who we used to be arent we xx take care jo xx

Hi Jo, I am definitely not the same person I was. Most of me died with George. I look older, I feel older, I am tired and emotionally drained. I keep thinking this time last year we had no idea what was ahead, even when we went on holiday in September we had no idea how ill George was. It was 4 months today I lost him, I just hope it was quick and he did not suffer, I will never forgive myself for not being with him but they told us he was not in any danger. I don’t think I will ever be the same person again - life is so sad xx

hi Deb 4 months without your George but i bet it feels like it all happened yesterday i know it does for me it will be 10 weeks on sunday when i loat my Darrell… you have nothing to forgive yourself for and im sure George will be saying the same… if you feel anything like i do its as though im living someone elses life at the minute and what a horrible life it is… i to feel old its just not me anymore like you Darrell took moat of me with him that morning i juat wish he would come for the rest of me im 49 and im lost without my Darrell the thought of spending the rest of this life alone without him is unbearable xx sending love your way jo xxx

I’m into 10 months since Alan left, tomorrow will be our 51st wedding anniversary also 10 months since his funeral. No amount of well meaning friends can console me at present, I’ve been living through a fog and mist of surrealism these past 10 months. Sndvtheyve been the longest of my entire life.

What really annoys me is so called well meaninh friends I use this term very loosely since Alan’s passing, am8d mainly because they’ve shown their true colours and walked away when I needed them the most. Anyway not dwelling on that . Tomorrow will be my 51st wedding anniversary the first without my loving Alan, I did intend spending the whole day in bed , Ada would have something to say about that. Spoke to our daughter and she said that if I wanted, I could take Ada to hers and go back home to bed. I e since decided to put a bottle of champagne that Alan always bought me for my birthday, in the fridge to chill, and I shall open it tomorrow fo toast his life. I’ll visit my mum first then toast my loving Alan’s life. Well that’s the plan ☆

Alan will be right at your side tomorrow like always x its true what you aay about so called friends and the wmpty words of you know where i am if you need anything they no you aren’t going to bloody ask its crap xx i hope you have a peaceful day tomorrow happy anniversary to you and Alan xxx take care love jo x

I think you are making the right choice in how to spend your anniversary.
Our 53rd was two months ago today, I declined the well meaning offers from family and friends for coffee, lunch, get together, whatever and spent it by myself.
Got up late, a few phone calls, received some beautiful flowers, visited the place I’d spread his ashes and strew some of his favourite flowers there. Took a long walk and on return opened a bottle of prosecco which I enjoyed with the last portion from the freezer of one of the dishes he loved to cook. It was a day full of memories, sadness and ‘if only’ but for me it was the best I could have done on that very special day.
I hope your day goes as well as it can remembering all the years of happiness you shared.

Hi. Mirror mirror on the wall. I can relate to that. I have aged a lot in the 3 months since my partner died and before that I was worried sick for well over a year.
Night after night of no sleep and heartache have taken its toll. Also nothing to look forward to. My eyes look dead.

Morning Topsy, you have described exactly how I was feeling for quite some time. It is the saddest part of our lives and really, it’s too hard to put into words…but you are here and we will support you. When I first started CBT, my main role was in agreeing to look after myself, through daily routines and finding ways to eat, sleep and relax again. I was ‘nudged’ in the right direction when needed. I think those small steps in building my daily routine are what have helped a lot as I’d denied my ‘self care’… for over two and a half years…my husband was my priority, my responsibility and we were in this together.
I’m just hoping that for you, your day can include some time with others, time for yourself and time with partner…talking, writing a journal, remembering…that’s the most painful part. Let the day wash over you…write down your feelings and in your tomorrows you will see how you are getting through. I keep a daily calendar as well…just having something to put in it, helps me to look forward and give meaning to my day and week. You will see the light return to your eyes…in time…you can do this Topsy, I feel for you, take care of you, kind wishes, x

Dear Rainbow

Thank you so much for your very kind thoughtful reply. I really appreciate your advice and hope in time I will start to feel better. Xx

hi topsy thanks foryour reply yeh years of worrying snd caring for the one we love …when my Darrell passed away i went every day to the chapel of rest to see him the undertaker said to me remember this body is just a shell now he is with you always he is in yourheart your mind and hes the blood running through your veins… that got me through seeing him in the chapel of rest but now its me that is just a shell theres nothing else im empty xxx take care love jo xxx

Snap.Love to all ,Corinna xx

Goodness, I have just come onto this post and can relate absolutely to everything you are all saying. Pity we can’t all go and live in a bereavement village and help each other through the worst, because we can’t rely on others can we. I too feel like I am dead inside, as much as I try, I am empty. I am moping around and can’t imagine why anyone would want to be with me. I visited Brian in the cemetery this morning to replace the flowers. It had been dug up again by the blasted badgers. I wish I’d never had him put there and brought him home where he would be safe, I made a big mistake. Thank goodness I have some of his ashes here with me. Then I went to work on the allotment but felt no real interest and that is what has been keeping me going all through the winter months. I came home and have made an effort to be outside in the sun and clearing the garden, again a struggle. Some of my family said they would come to see me this afternoon but haven’t turned up. I can’t make demands because they’re very good normally. So I sit here with you. ‘my friends’, the people that understand and I thankyou all from the bottom of my heart for being there because even in your own pain you help so much. The months keep passing but I get nowhere, it still seems like yesterday that we was torn apart.
God bless you all xxx Pat

hi pat we are all here for you and each other xx dont forget you are not on your own xxx love jo xxx

I would love to live in a bereavement village with you all,we understand each other like no one else does,take care Pat and every body xx

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Hi everyone and thank you Jo for your reply yesterday. I didn’t think it could get worse but today has been terrible. I’ve been out with a friend for coffee and tried to be normal but my stomach was churning and I felt quite shakey and panicky. I had no sleep again so have worn sunglasses all day to hide the state of my eyes. This sunny weather and mother’s day is added torture. I saw so many mothers out with their daughters and the longing for my own mother was so intense. I was just starting to live with her loss after over 4 years but now my partner has gone and it’s just too much. Pattidot a bereavement village sounds wonderful. I would love that. Anyway a friend has just sent a text to say I can go to her house if I want this evening. What a lifesaver! Thinking about everyone. Lots of love. Xxx

Hello everyone
Well thank goodness that’s another Sunday over
I went out for lunch with a friend and it was ok except the bit when she told me her friend took 6 years to “ get over” her partner’sdeath
I can’t, won’t go on like this for years
It would negate all the lovely years we had together and he would have been so sad to think I would be like this
We talked about how it would be
We had plenty of warning and I promised him I’d be all right
That the love we’d shared would carry me through
How little I knew then
Thank you all of you for helping me to feel less alone and being there when I log on and know we’re all going through this together
Sleep as well as you can everyone tonight
At least Sunday’s nearly over
Kay xx