It’s been just over two months since she has passed and I feel so empty and lost without her presence. Emotions and thoughts are all over the place and getting harder to deal with without showing it to our sons which make it harder to deal with.
Don’t give up - it might not seem like it right now but you’ve got this x
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ty 1982 for your giving me positivity. Its just that IT STILL FEELS SO UNREAL X
I know where you are as I am in the same place. Just over two months for me. Life seems pointless at the moment I have no direction no life. The way I am coping at the moment is day by day I go to work and have a facard in front of work colleagues I get home and I break my heart full on. We need to carry on.,it sounds easy but it is not. I am trying counseling you need to try all that may help. You are not alone if you seek help. You are among friends who understands
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Hi Ron
Thankyou for your kind words and am pleased that your out there in trying to keep your mind and body active.
The problem iv got, is that iv only got about 20% of our administrative stuff to still get through before I can get back on the tools again, but feels like its a mountains worth every time I look at it.
Also what doesn’t help is that my sleeping pattern is all over the place as in I could go 24/30 hours and more at times during the week not feeling tired. And as and when I get that rare get up and go feeling and start on all the personal admin stuff again, its in my face
( emotional reminders) and everything that comes with it as you will understand just breaks me up more as the days pass.
Its not only the pain of missing her so much I’m feeling know, I am hurting for her to in what she had gone through together with our last moments together. Theirs so many elements to feelings and heartache just that are unexplainable which holds me back.
But your absolutely right, its a day by day process .
Derv
Hi’er
First and fore most thankyou for your kind words and support that you had shared with me.
I had read your post in another Colum and it deeply saddens me that the NHS/Government cant work together in providing hospital for the sick and out of bounds facilities with Covid in spreading the disease, so that care can be provided in the best possible and logic way for patients.
I’m so so sorry for you lose together with the anger and the upset that the NHS has brought upon you on top of what you are going through as they had with my late wife, and still have with me coursing anger and frustration over the last 2 years.
PS, still getting the emails-texts and phone calls up to yesterday to pros pone her next appointment after she had passed away over 2 months ago.
[ Cant repeat what iv been telling them ]
Your right, everything does seem foggy and the word try seems to be the tallest and most challenging element for all of us right now. But please do try and not let the anger the NHS has brought upon you foggy up any more than it has and in it not getting in the way of your mourning for your beloved.
My thought’s are with you
Take care
Derv
Hello Derv. I’m almost 4 months in after losing my partner of 18 years. I also lost my mum after her long-drawn battle with cancer, I was 11, I still remember one day I could hear my dad crying in the bedroom with the door shut, in retrospect, I wish I had gone in there to give him a hug, I’ve never seen him cry before. I just want to say that it’s not wrong to show emotions in front of your children (although I can see why you think you have to be composed) Men are human beings too, people tell us to be strong and it’s like telling you to run faster when one of your legs has been amputated… One day they might experience bereavement themselves too (like i did the 2nd time) and when they think back they would have appreciated the chance to give you the emotional support that you need and share your burden.
Sorry, just speaking from my own experience. I don’t want to offend anyone.
My thoughts are with you.
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dear Derv and Friends, I can sympathize with you. For me, it’s been about 14 months. yes, you think that I should be over it by now — well, not for me it isn’t. I do manage to get on with my life now but all it takes is a memory, a song that she liked, a photo (of which I have 5 of). I don’t want to forget her (she was the most important person in my life), it’s a process moving on. Some days, I just break down - I’ve read where some of the readers on this forum say that they are only half a person, or just fading away. (I guess you can count me in there too). I tell my family and friends how I am doing and how I am handling it – I am told to just “get over it” - my son got upset with me and told me that because he notices that I seem to moping around at family get togethers. That was on Christmas Eve - he drove me home that night (I felt so trapped as everyone there could sense it. These days I just withdraw from family get togethers or stay briefly. I just sat in the car and said nothing till he dropped me off, I said goodnight and thanks for the ride. I sometimes feel like I am in another world now, where nobody seems to understand me anymore. Believe I try to be the way I used to be, but can’t seem to muster it up. The bottom line is I still miss my wife. So I offer my sorrow with any of you who have lost someone. I guess I get days like this here and there, I’m not a basket case - just a man who misses his lovely wife.
My name is Herb
@Greencat1950
I think some people don’t understand that grieving for a loved one is a lifelong thing. I tend to just tell everyone that I am ok just to keep them happy. Very few people seem to want to really know how we are truly feeling. It is easier to avoid crowded situations at the moment with the covid situation. It gives me an excuse when out and about walking to cross the road and avoid people too. I have to try and find some positives in awful situations, and I do know unfortunately how awful covid is, so I am not trying to make light of the disease. I feel so sorry for those that have lost loved ones to this dreadful illness. I feel sorry for others that have lost loved ones in any event, and I feel sorry for myself (I am nearly 2 months in). It seems that if you are morose when you see people that is not good, and if you try to be as jovial as you can that is not appropriate either. Please give yourself a pat on the back for attending get togethers, that is a really hard thing to do. I think that maybe your son is very upset to see you upset, and maybe he could have approached the matter more tactfully (some people are not good at the emotional stuff). He may not know how to move on from that, and be afraid of upsetting you further. Please don’t give up on family, they and you need each other even if everything doesn’t seem to be gelling at the moment. You have managed so far Herb. Keep going lad.
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Dear Herb,
No way are you a basket case! Just a man who is very sad and heartbroken because his much loved wife died suddenly. My husband died in the same month as your wife. Also suddenly and without any warning. It catapults us into a different world from those who haven’t experienced such a horrific event. Getting over it is just not possible and all of us on this forum will understand that awful feeling of being with people who are desperate to cheer us up and look forward. No amount of company can compensate for the absence of the one person whose presence we crave. Loneliest feeling in the world.
History proves that most people do survive the unthinkable but there is no quick solution. No time scale or formula and many of us have not yet found our way. Don’t apologise for missing your wife or accept that you are moping. You are grieving not moping and the world you now inhabit is not the one you had planned. I think people get frustrated because they can’t fix us. They have no idea what it’s like to suffer a pain from which there is no escape night and day. It might be easier or more tolerable at times but essentially it never goes away.
Being able to engage with people on this forum who do understand is a lifeline in so many ways and a refuge from the outside world. Some are more hopeful, others less so but it’s a welcome relief to meet with encouragement and empathy rather than criticism. Take care.
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Dear Jobar, Thank you for identifying with my loss. I see we have the month of November in common, where we both lost a loved one. I thought your message was very much in tune with what ZI wrote about my my wife. I just wanted to share my feelings and grief even though it’s been 14 months. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long ago - but the experience has been staying with me that long. I wasn’t expecting that to happen - we were out trying to find her a coat to ear for the Thanksgiving holiday at my son’s - her coat zipper was broken - well, we didn’t find anything. She made me a warm bowl of soup then sat down saying she felt like she was having a case of indigestion and heartburn. An hour later she callapsed on the couch - I called the paramedics but it was too late. The saddest day of my life. I still miss her. Thank you for understanding.
Herb
Hello Riley, and to all.
No offence taken at all Riley… I’m glad that your forward and honest and that you put in what you had said.
Where it concerns my sons, I’m just so grateful that they have their girlfriends and someone be around as is company and a shoulder to cry on if need be.
I just pray that what they are experiencing doesn’t have a knock on effect in their lives in loosing their mother so young (58). My mother was only buried in late August 2020, and my wife passed in November and it really hurt and saddened them as they loved their grandmother so much together with watching me trying to deal with it and care for my wife(their mother) at the same time together with them.
They only open up to how they feel when they try to care and support me with my emotions. And to be honest with you Riley, my sons are in their early and late 20s, and I know for a fact that if they were as young as you was I to would have shied away.
My condolences’ to you and everyone here, and God willing, may we find the strength and the will to get through this some day.