Six months ago, on 10 October 2022, my wonderful husband and soulmate Chris died at the age of 59 from small cell lung cancer, only 25 days after diagnosis.
I held him as he died, at home, just the two of us which was what he wanted.
Everyday of our 28 years together was filled with love and laughter. All our friends always said they’d never met a couple so deeply in love. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I am truly honoured that he picked me to share his life and love with
I am heartbroken. I’m not sure I can get through life without the one person who loved me so deeply and made me whole.
I have great friends but it doesn’t stop the overwhelming fact that I am now alone. I am existing in a life that I don’t want. My dreams shattered and an empty future ahead. I feel scared, lonely, anxious. I could never have imagined that at 46 I would find myself without my Chris.
I hate that I’m no longer anybody’s priority. I miss him, I miss us and I miss the life we had.
I am working from home on phased return but could easily quit. I have no motivation as it seems pointless. Even my hobbies give me no joy anymore.
I’m doing my best each day but it’s so difficult when all I want is to be held and kissed and hear my amazing husband’s voice.
I won’t give up because if I did then our 28 years was for nothing. I will honour our love and keep his memories alive as a man so kind and so generous of heart will not be forgotten.
I just wish I didn’t feel so alone, so lonely and unloved.