miss my mum so much

[luke85]

I lost my mum to ovarian cancer on valentines day, she was only 71 , it started back in september she wasn’t eating much then in the middle of october she had to be rushed to hospital because her lung’s was filling up with fluid.

Come november we were told it’s cancer ,was told it was treatable but not curable, she had five rounds of chemo but due to her not eating she was getting weaker , the cancer had spread to her stomach & to her brain , come february we were told it was terminal.

my miss my mum so much, i was looking at photos of her yesterday & just burst into tears , it hurts so much. dont know how im going to cope , hardly have any family support , just me & my dad pretty much & we dont talk much. I have a brother but we haven’t talked to one another for years.

[Ems184]

Hello, I just saw your post and wanted to say hello and that everything you are feeling is so normal. My lovely mum died in January this year of melanoma that spread to her brain, very cruel disease. She was also 71. I think about her a lot and am certainly not yet healed, I’m in the middle of 3 weeks off of work to try and settle my head and stress a little bit as I’ve found it all quite overwhelming. Keep going and keep talking to people on here, it really helps.

[luke85]

hi, thanks for replieing it means alot ,sorry to hear about your mum, cancer just a horrible disease, i feel abit better later in the day , morning’s seem to be the worst.

[Stephen65]

Hi Luke85

Sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved mum. It is an absolutely heartbreaking loss.

My mam was 82 years old when she passed away on March the 21st this year. I couldn’t and still can’t imagine a life without mam. We were together living in the same house for 60 years. She was my whole world as your mum is to you. We went everywhere together. We don’t have much of a family outside of each other. I have a brother. He used to visit about 3 times a week for an hour. He doesn’t understand how I feel at all. Me and mam were together 24/7. I used to say to mam because we didn’t see anyone much. I have got you mam and you’ve got me. Together forever.

It is only nearly 6 weeks. My grief overwhelms me every day. I actually feel my grief has got worse. It was bad enough in the early days, but now it is worse. Like you with your mum’s pictures, my mam’s lovely face is in lots of photos around the house. I only need to look at her beautiful face and start crying.

Sending you all my best wishes and kindest regards. God bless. Stephen

[luke85]

hi stephen

thanks for the replie, so sorry about your mum , yea the grief is pretty difficult to deal with at the moment ,just miss her so much , does your brother still visit ?

[Stephen65]

Hi Luke. My brother still visits about three times a week. He doesn’t really talk about mam. I like to speak about her even though i get very upset. He doesn’t really comfort me at all. That is what I really miss. Mam, despite her Alzheimer’s and other health issues always asked if I was okay. She showed love and affection. We could speak about anything. She always said I love you Stephen and I always replied i love you mam. I don’t really have anyone to say those things to me now or give me a loving hug like mam did.

Sending all my regards and best wishes to you Luke. Stephen.

[Jonny1]

Hi everyone. All of our grief is so fresh, my Mum also died at the end of January & whilst I can’t believe it’s been 3 months already, it still only feels like it was yesterday & it hurts so much to think that she’s gone.

Mum was 70 & in the end died from multiple organ failure & internal bleeding, 5 weeks after being admitted to hospital with an over active thyroid which had caused heart failure. It was a traumatic 5 weeks & we watched her deteriorate & die right in front of us, we were helpless & in so much pain watching her suffer. She died with me, my sister & my dad by her side holding her hands, which would’ve been exactly how she wanted it.

My Dad is also terminally ill now with stage 4 melanoma, he’s 87 in June & isn’t expected to live beyond August/September time, just another blow that we now need to prepare for, how much can one family take?! It’s been a horrible year & we’re only (almost) in May.

@luke85 I’m so sorry you don’t have much support around you, so please feel free to express how you feel & seek advice on here, also try other charities like Cruse or Marie Curie for resources & support. Stay strong everyone & keep the conversation going

[luke85]

hi jonny

so sorry to hear about your mum & your dad, i lost my grandad over christmas he was 97 so that was another blow , my mum couldn’t go to his funeral as she was just too weak. I feel abit better today , sunday & monday horrible with the grief.

[Stephen65]

Jonny1

Thank you. You and your family’s experience with the passing of your lovely mum is heartbreaking. I read your post in tears thinking of all the trauma and suffering for you all.

I am also sorry to hear about your dad too. As you say, how much suffering can you all take?

It is an awful year. Shocking. My mam passed away on March 21st this year. Hospital for nearly 3 weeks and 9 days palliative care at home. Mam wanted to be home and we managed it. Like you too, I was at her side when she passed away. I was glad to be at her side particularly after 60 years living together.
God bless and I send you and all your family my love and best wishes. Stephen

[Sparrow2]

We have all lost our lovely mums. There really is no-one like mums as they give unconditional love. My mum died in October. I buried Mum’s brother (Mum brought him up) in August and now my brother-in-law is palliative. It has been the worst year of my life. I could manage other loses, but not losing Mum. We were so close. My mum died on the day that she was due home from hospital. It was a shock. We had always lived together. I was numb for a few months. I still find it surreal but when I go into Mum’s room and I think, realise and cry. I try not to think as when I do, I cry. I find it hard in Mum’s room as I find little things, cards, photos put away carefully in a safe place and it reminds me of what she valued and how she treasured what she had. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Stephen65]

Sparrow2

You are right about our lovely mums and sorry to hear about your other family members too. It is little things sometimes and I find i cry every morning when I go in mam’s room to open the window blinds.

I think, as you must do, that the memories living together all those years, no one else would know them because they are personal to us. Memories are good and maybe one day we can look back and we can smile, but currently they bring me to tears all of the time. I say tears, but I have cried so much tonight that I have made my throat hurt. I try not to but I cannot help it.

All my best wishes. Stephen.

[luke85]

today been tough , my dad broke down in tears with the grief , I worry for him just not used to seeing like this , its very upsetting , will it get any better the grief ?

[Stephen65]

Hello Luke85

I know we have communicated before. It is a coincidence that I am feeling the same way about my beautiful mam who passed away 8 weeks ago and as I said before, after 60 years living together.

I know you and your dad will be heartbroken and I am too. This last couple of weeks, my grief has got worse. I was crying nearly all the time from when it happened and now I am crying all day mainly with the thought that I will never see my beautiful mam again. Your post and how you and your dad are, sounds identical to how I am coping/feeling now.

I should take my own advice and sometimes I do. I rang Marie Curie this afternoon. I spoke for about 30 minutes about mam and how I thought my grief had got worse. I was focusing on all the memories of me and mam. Obviously, she is experienced at talking to bereaved people and she told me that deeper grief, like mine and you and your dad’s, is very common after the first initial few weeks. She said that she had spoken to many people with the same concerns.

I related one memory to her of mam. Like you Luke85, I don’t have anyone much to support me either and since mam passed away, I am lost.

If I felt unwell or thought I looked a bit pale I used to say to mam. Do I look okay mam? Remember me telling you mam had Alzheimer’s, but we were doing okay. She always said to me: come over here Stephen. I used to get close to her in her armchair and she used to gently place both her hands on my cheeks and look me in the eye and say: Stephen, you look bloody lovely.

Relating this one memory on the phone to Marie Curie made me cry immensely. The lady on their said what a beautiful memory to have of your dear mum. She said beautiful memories like that will make me cry a lot, but she said in time to come I will think of that and smile and be happy.

I know Luke, we aren’t happy now far from it. Down, sad and heartbroken is what we are now, but you also have memories similar to this of your beautiful mum. They will make you cry now, but the love your mum gave you and the love you gave her lasts an eternity.

God bless Luke. Keep in touch. You are in my thoughts. Best wishes. Stephen.

[luke85]

Hi stephen

thanks for reaching out, i was doing just ok for two weeks, then my dad burst into tears today then it just hit me the grief, just not used to seeing my dad upset , just hope things get’s better but i guess it going to take awhile.

[Stephen65]

Hi Luke85.

How are you feeling today? Hope you are feeling a bit better, but it is so tough.

Best wishes. Stephen.

[luke85]

hi steve

Yes im feeling abit better , i asked my dad if he was ok from yesterday said he was alright, what set off the grief with him was he drinks with a group of friends he used to work with once a month & one of his friends wife had died a year ago & telling my dad it’s the one year anniversary of his wife death, that must have upset him.

[Stephen65]

Thanks Luke. Glad you are feeling a little better today.

All my best wishes. Stephen.