Miss my son so much

My son died unexpectedly and suddenly 2 months ago aged 28. Still no cause given by Coroner. I feel I cant go on but have to for sake of my other son who is also struggling. My sons father died 9 years ago so although I have friends I go through the motions of living alone and I am surviving each day looking forward to bed and some escape in broken sleep. Can someone tell me it will get easier because the pain is unbearable?


Dear Lindajack
I am so sorry to hear about the death of your son, my son was killed in an accident 6 months ago so I know the nightmare that you are going through. It is both very early days for us on this grief journey but I think I am a little better at coping now, I can say that I can now function, I am not living yet, I think that will be a long time in the future, but I am functioning and I carry on for the sake of my other children, who miss their brother so much and need their mum.
Life is so difficult, in the first few weeks I did not know how I would get through the days, and I have to admit that I am still very grateful to climb into my bed at the end of the day just to sleep and escape the pain just for a little while, although sleeping all night is now a luxury.
Do you have lots of support? I have counselling every week and find it really helps me to talk to someone who did not know my son…
Take care of yourself

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Dear LInda,

I am so sorry the pain of losing a child is unbearable and we on this site who have lost our young sons and daughters know how you are feeling. I found this site a place to share my inner thoughts and it helps to hear others stories. Ou will never get over the lost but somehow little my little there are moments when the pain is less intense. Our son, Daniel left us just nine months ago and we think of him constantly but now we can think of the good times we shared as well. Sending you love and do ask for help from this close to you and professionals. Sharing does help. Xxx

Thank you Wynne and Jan I need to believe this unbearable pain will lessen so your messages of your experience give me hope. Everywhere I go and everything I do there’s a memory of him. I still find it incomprehensible that he has gone. The flashbacks of his passing and of childhood memories surface all the time and I find myself in tears and so empty. I am having weekly counselling and I have my younger son but have no other family and I feel I cannot burden him with my stuff as he is mourning his brother as well. I have friends who are supportive but don’t and I can’t expect them to understand. But you do and so thank you again and I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep posting as it does help sharing with people who have been and are going through this horrible gut wrenching pain. Linda

Dear Linda
Thank you so much for your reply, my heart goes out to you and all you are going through reminds me so much of what I have gone through and are still going through. I think that the forgetting they have died and the flash backs are so hard to bare and unless you have lost a child you cannot truely I understand how this can effect you. Everywhere I go I see my son, not only in the house but at the school where I work which he went to as a young boy, in the streets, everywhere. My husband works in the same place that my son worked, so he too has to face our memories of him every day. Someone once asked ,e if these memories gave me comfort and I have to say no. I could never forget my beautiful boy, but seeing him everywhere just reminds me that he is no longer here, and then the pain, as you know, is then unbearable.
We are going away for Christmas, I could not stand the thought of being in the home, that had seen so many happy Christmas holidays, without my boy, so I intend to ignore it and hide, a plan that my husband and children are very pleased about.
Continue to write and express your feelings, everyone on here regardless of who they lost will have some understanding of what you are going through.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

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Thankyou so much Jan for your reply you have stated my feelings exactly. My younger son is talking about what we should do Christmas ad Jack loved the family meal and charades and I cant face him not being there. Going away is such a good idea but dont feel up to that. We might just go for a curry something we would never do normally, and so doing something different is our best option. At the moment I am feeling nothing mattets apart from my son. But hope I can live as best I can for Jack and Sam. Xx