Miss my wife and feel lonely

Lovely reply my friend,reading it made me cry ,such lovely words about our wives loving us so much and that is why it hurts so much.Thank you for your concern.Michael.

Hi Michael. I haven’t seen you on here for a little while and wondered how you are doing? Take care, Bob

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Hi I am still on here been reading all the heartbreaking stories of all these people in pain and grieving so much,just as I am still ,6 weeks now since I lost my darling Judith,can hardly believe where the time has gone,so much crying and the sick feeling still there everyday,lost a stone and a half in weight now,eating is still difficult,cannot be bothered to cook just using ready meals and chocolate bars.Drinking a bit more as well.Sleeping is not happening even with the Zopiclone.Thanks for asking. Michael.

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Seven weeks since my wife passed away. I also lost a stone quite quickly after she was gone. I also make microwave meals or just snack. I had my first full week back at work last week, and found it more difficult than I thought - just get tired so quickly. But I’m still glad to have something to keep me occupied.

The good news is that my son has started an engineering course at the college I work at so is coming to stay with me, so I won’t be alone anymore.

I dreamt about my wife last night for the first time since she died. It was like she was visiting me to tell me she was ok. She wasn’t happy because she could still see the scars from brain surgery, but she thought they would fade in time. Other than that she looked well. I’m not sure what to make of it - was it a dream, or was she visiting me through the dream to tell me she is OK?

It would have been our fifth wedding anniversary on 5th November, so I took a card and flowers to her grave.

How about you, Michael? Have you been able to go out? What do you do to keep busy? Let me know if you dream of your wife, or get some kind of visit, I would be very interested to know others experiences…

Take care,

Bob

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Hi Bob,yes I dream of Judith all the time,I am still waiting for a sign that she is around,I think I had the scent of her perfume one evening.I do not go out that much if I do I get back asap.I play a computer word game called Wordscapes and I am in a team of 50 people from all over the place,America ,Australia to name a few.It keeps me busy and my mind off Judith for a short while.I am really would like her to visit me and tell me she is ok.I had a good cry this morning and cuddled her ashes which I have on the settee where she like laying watching tv.I hate this new life that has been landed on us,the grief and pain are always there .I am 76 ,did I tell you that,and I am so scared of the future getting older and lonely.Michael.

That would be my biggest fear, Michael - being old and alone. I feel the ticking clock of time knowing that I will be 60 in 5 years, and I worry about that. I can’t imagine how hard it must be at 76.

Although I am completly redecorating the house (keeps me busy), I am careful to retain “signs” that Caroline is still a part of this home. Her coat on the coat hook, her slippers on the shoe rack and her handbag by the door. I can’t move these things as it seems wrong. She wore a hat most of the time to cover her hair, which never fully grew back after chemotherapy. I have kept it hanging on her side of the bed. The hair from her hair brush I put in a locket. She might be gone, but I want her to continue to be a part of this house. I feel all at sea sometimes, wondering what shape my life will take now. It’s very tough…take care, Bob.

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Hi Bob me again,there is this song by Michael Bolton that Judith would play when we first met it is called "How am I supposed to live without you " Kills me everytime I hear it.I am crying as I write this message to you.Have a listen and see what happens to you.Michael.

I want to die .Hate this life without her,Michael.

I’m too much of a coward, Michael. Caroline had her own playlists on Youtube, but I haven’t been able to listen to any of her music - I know what will happen if I do. Maybe later…

I know, Michael - it’s really hard to go on living, but you have grown up children? I’m sure you would not want them to grieve for you that way…

I am so unhappy today after hearing that song,I cannot live without her anylonger.No meaning anymore,so broken ,miss her so much ,my world ,my love.Please come back Judith,I need you so much.I hate this life without you darling.Help me please.Michael.

I am destroyed today,crying like a baby for her,it seems to be getting worse,my pain is getting worse,I fear for my future,wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up.I have had a pretty good life so what is the point of this without her.I am never going to get used to not having her around.I am so lonely,I phone people and they are out or do not answer,needing to talk to someone when I am at my lowest.Michael.

Then you should talk to someone. The despair is destroying you, and you can’t win this alone. I would strongly suggest using one of the services available on this website, such as Samaritans - they will be able to support you. Nothing will bring Judith back, but you really need to talk to someone who can help manage your grief…please tell me you will, and then let me know how it goes. Bob

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Ok I will ,seeing a counsellor this week.Michael.

Hi Mickeyboy31

I’m sorry to hear how much pain you are in.

We’ve read back through your posts, and it sounds like there is so much going on in your life - it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed by all these things. There’s a lot that you’re dealing with, and it’s understandable that sometimes it gets too much.

I want to reassure you that you’re never alone, there’s always someone out there to support you through this.

If you feel like you’re in crisis and need some extra support outside of the community, I would encourage you to reach out to one of these organisations below who can help you stay safe.

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve this support, keep reaching out.

Take lots of care,
Michelle

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Thank you Michelle for your kind words and advice.Yes I am in a very dark place and at the moment cannot see a future for me.Losing Judith has put me in the basement of life,I am 76 and lonely,scared,confused.Hate this life that has been thrust onto me.Never thought it would be me alone,Judith would have coped better than me.Michael.

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Totally understand mate. Males may be the stronger sex physically but females are much stronger at everything else. My beautiful Wife lost her Parents at a young age. We had an ectopic pregnancy and 5 failed IVF attempts. She was diagnosed with cancer and died at 59. My gorgeous Didey never complained or felt sorry for herself… I did !!! She was so strong, beautiful and the love of my life for 40 years. She should be here and me gone. 2 years, 1 month and 3 days without her… but who’s counting. Lovè her more than anything in the world…and some. So lucky to have had her in my life… but now i pop pills and drink whiskey . Time for me to be with her. I Know your pain and so understand mate. Take care.

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What a sad story my friend,yes thye are strong,Judith was like that ,took life by the scruff of its neck and got on with it.I was lucky to have her too and loved her so much and that is why I am hurting so much.I too am drinking and thinking about being with her again,hate this lonely life .You take care also Michael.

I had councelling after my husband passed away not straight away .I found it very helpful but it was on the phone as we was in lockdown.i also found it good to do walks through the hospice meeting people .my husband died of heart failure they have been very good to me the hospice. I still get this anxiety but I’m on medication for it it’s not all the time .The worse part I find is coming into the flat and it’s empty and it’s very lonely .I hope in time I will be able to sort this anxiety out .

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It is when you come back to an empty house that it hits you again.Anxiety and the loneliness are hard to deal with,I had sleeping pills for a while but they have stopped now and I am not getting much sleep,my appetite has gone too,food makes feel sick. Michael x

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