Missing Dad

Hi, I stumbled upon this page whilst on Google looking for grief info.
I lost my Dad 14 months ago on 15th Dec 2015. I feel like I should be “getting over” it now, but I’m finding myself thinking about him more, and getting more & more tearful.
My mum died 13 years ago, but I was a proper daddies girl. He died aged 71 from illnesses associated with dementia, he had also suffered from parkinsons for 20 years.
He was the bravest person I’ve ever met and never complained about anything. He was in a nursing home for the last 6 months of his life and all through that time we were told he didn’t have long as his organs were shutting down.
He deteriorated rapidly over one night, one night I was chatting to him, the next he was on bed, unable to talk or swallow…I held his hand for the next five days and nights until he passed away.
I feel that as we were expecting it, it didn’t come as a shock and I haven’t grieved properly. I feel that I shouldn’t talk about him as ‘friends’ are bored of it and think I should be on by now!
I find myself hating dad some days for dying and leaving me on my own. I have two grown up boys and he helped me emmensely. I’m 40, but I’m scared of being on my own, how stupid does that sound!!!

Hello Suzy - I’m so glad that you have found our Online Community - I really hope that you will find some comfort from joining us.
From what you say, you obviously had a wonderful relationship with your Dad - you shared many years with him after your Mum died. Even though you knew he was very ill , it must still have been tough for you when he died. I think it is only now that you are really having to accept how much you’re missing your father.
Perhaps the time has come for you to have a chat with your GP about how you are feeling - it could lead to you being offered the support you really need, to get you through this difficult time in your life. You are not alone Suzy - hopefully you will receive messages on this site from others who have also struggled to come to terms with the death of a beloved parent. With kind regards, Jackie

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HiSuzy im very sorry for your loss and welcome to this special club .The phrase how long is a piece of string definitely appllies to loosing a loved one .Theres no such thing a being stupid on here .The nightmare of death theres no receipe to mastering it .Keep coming back people dont bite of insult on here (im 57 my wife was 41 she passed 04032016 on her birthday ) Colin

Thank you…
It’s a rollercoaster isn’t it! So many emotions, sad they’re gone, happy when thinking of memories, angry because they’ve left you, jealous of other people who still have their loved ones.
I hope you can do something special on your wife’s birthday, it will be a difficult day, but shed want you to smile I’m sure. Hope you are well in yourself.