Missing him so much

I am new on here. I just lost my husband to cancer on the 31st December 2020. I am struggling with him gone. Reading other posts makes me worry that I am never going to stop crying for him.


I know exactly how you feel, I think. Everyone is different. My husband died on. Sept 15th 2020, of cancer, brainstem glioma, specifically. I just have to go to make the doggies their breakfast and a cup of coffee for me. I’ll back in about 20 minutes…

Christie xxx


I have now fed the doggies, and I am fixing my coffee, I was talking to a friend of mine called Amy who walks my dogs when I cannot, for whatever reason.

I can only tell you what happened to me after Jim died last year. For at least 2 months I was in shock, which means I hadn’t a clue what I was doing. I made some very bad decisions financially, which I managed to get out of. I am being called a bitch right left and centre. That’s fine with me, because I would have lost money.

I think I would suggest to you that you may or may not be still in shock. I asked my GP, who asked a Community Psychiatric Nurse to come to see me. She has really really helped me.

Sue Ryder offer to UK residents phone counselling free. That’s great. But I suggest you contact your GP first, if you haven’t already done so.

I am so sorry that you are here, however I am sure being member of this community will help you to find lots of people who will try to understand and help you find your way through the long and winding road that is a part of the grieving process, I think.

Christie xxx

So sorry for your loss
It so bloody hard to do anything
Loss my husband December the 5th due to COVID
And I sob and breakdown everyday
Please text anytime please take care xx

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@Christie X I’m so sorry you are here and so sorry for your loss x I am.now.14.weeks on and I do feel different, more resigned, if thats the right word. I was stunned so shocked, unrecognisable as a person really as, I know you must be. It certainly is, under all circumstances traumatic and so profound to lose your best friend x There are some wonderful people on here, so strong but honest and open. There is no easy route and we are all so different. Keep popping in and talking and most of all, take little steps x x x all the love x x

Hi Chrissy09
I’m so so sorry for your loss.
I lost my partner 30/10/20 from COVID I still breakdown everyday . It’s just so hard to see a way forward he was my everything together from 14 for 37 years. Feeling lost, sad and so so miss him just being there.
Being on here will help there are some wonderful people. Please message anytime . Take care x

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Lost my husband on 26-12-2020 to lung and colon cancer.struggle every day.keep going.think of all your happy times x

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Hi @Chrissy09 and @Askitcat2021, and everyone,

How are you all feeling now? There is no guidebook for grief, we all struggle through. Tears come in torrents, every now and then and they always will. There is no harder loss in life, than perhaps the loss of a young child, we all now how hard that is because it has been headlines here in the UK too many times, even the Pope intervened.
The loss of a soul mate is so tough. Jim and I realised, shortly after we met, that we were meant to meet, because we were, are, and always will be soulmates.
We always thought I was the invalid of the two of us. When we were told that he was going to die, by a registrar who hadn’t a clue what she was doing, she left after about 20 minutes. We both said, this MDT that is meeting tomorrow, we need to be represented at it. Then he said, I don’t want to leave you this way, not with a mess of money to sort out. I said, I don’t care about money. I care only for you.
We’d agreed a discharge home ASAP. That was delayed a week by an incompetent hospital social worker, looking for a care plan that involved 2 carers 4 times a day. If she had explained to me, I could easily have hired another carer privately 4 times a day and paid him or her myself.
I eventually got Jim out of hospital with the help of the nurses, who trained me to be his 2nd carer. The social worked called as I entered the ward, I explained what I was doing, she replied, ‘you do realise that if anything goes wrong, it is on your head.’ I replied, ‘that is fine with me’, and ended the call.
A senior nurse came to supervise the process, I asked her is she was the nurse in charge of the ward, she replied that she wasn’t, she was the senior nurse in charge of the entire unit. I thank her for being there for Jim and me. She said, ‘that’s my pleasure. I am here because we know it’s what you both want, and so this is how we have decided to do it.’ She watched as we went through a couple of procedures, and then left, telling me she was confident that I could do it.’

Jim came home the next day, and he stayed with me and our 3 dogs in our double bedroom downstairs for the last 12 days of his life. He died in my arms of acute heart failure on the 15th of September 2020, a few minutes before 8am.

I am still physically and mentally exhausted.

Love Christie xxx

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Oh @Christi today is the most awful day isnt it x The journey soinds so traumatic but look what you did! Youre bloody amazing x And fir all of you however differnt the situation we all did what we thought was right in that moment - there is no idiots guide and the shock, trauma sudden death a few.days x decisions, no chance to make.decusions what ever, we all.loved and we all did WHAT WAS BEST AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME. I’m.distrsught today … I need the sun to shine x I need the air.to warm and most of all I need the physical.presence of my lovely quirky weirdo of a man x Its so hard guys … we are in a difficult difficult place and.i share my warmth and love.for all.of.you

Wishing we could not be in this place x x


My husband passed awY on 13th jan 2021 from coronavirus that he caught in hospital. I am broken without him. Life can never be the same for me. Condolences to you. X

@Bubba X Thinking of you x Hope.you start.to make sense of it all soon x Grief is exhausting and confusing x Be kind t9 yourself x

Hi Chrissie. I could write a book about how my Ron was treated in hospital. He had pancreatic cancer (stage 3) but the tiny.tumour was on a major artery. He suffered dreadfully from chemo and lost 3 stone in weight. He couldn’t eat and had constant diarrhoea but no one seemed concerned about him looking like a skeleton. Anyway he was offered an operation ( Nanna knife) and after that he just downhill. They sent him back to hospital but his surgeon and specialist nurse was on holiday so he was put on a women’s ward (side room.) No one seemed to know anything about what they were doing and food was left at side of bed overnight. The nurses were useless at providing any info and consultant let me down after I travelled 15 miles to see him. The word was dirty. Tablets left under bed and syringes on table. Dirty pads left in toilet for a day and dust everywhere. Then I was told he had Sepsis ( wonder why) and his legs started to swell with drain not being done consistently. Horrible doctor told me he was going to die even though no one had said how bad he was and we were told the op would help him. Well it didn’t. I feel like he was a guinea pig for the surgeon. He came home and then became incoherent and was admitted to hospice where he died after about two weeks. So much left unexplained. I felt the hospital was useless. I would have complained but I was too exhausted and couldn’t think straight. He was let down so badly.