Missing loved one

It’s been 2 years since I lost my wife but the past 12 months have been so hard, just feel like joining her

Hello Shaunmc

I am so sorry about your wife and that you are feeling so very bad. It must be really difficult for you to live without her.
Please don’t do anything desperate, being without your loved one is so horrible. I’ve had a day of crying after looking at some old photos, he died so suddenly.

Is there nothing that brings you any comfort?
I’ve started making a memory file , notes, photos, cards that my partner gave me. I go on our favourite walks and remember doing them with him

Please take care of yourself, J x

1 Like

hi j
thanks for your reply
totally appreciated as it can be a lonely place sometimes with people whom not gone through this emotion to understand.
just to talk to someone who understands is priceless.
me and Jane were unseparable and people were jealous of what we had as it was a special love.
we loved benidorm so i think my next thing to plan is a trip back there with our 12 year old daughter as only been there once since little one was born.
i have started walking well say walking but its going to different cities for a few days and just walking around seeing all the sites.
i am trying to find groups to join just to talk to people.
i have just fell into a dark place where i cant find a way out but hopefully there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
thank you for listening
shaun

Hi Shaun

So sorry to hear you are feeling low. We do understand on this site. The loss of a partner is devastating.but you have no choice but to carry on. Your daughter needs you and is probably missing her Mum too. Some people have said the second year is worse because that’s when it really sinks in that your loved one isn’t coming back. My husband died in October and so much of my life went with him. Sunday’s are always bad for me. Today I have felt so miserable. I just couldn’t shift the feeling.

I do hope you manage to go to Benidorm it will probably be good for you and your daughter especially as it’s somewhere her Mum used to love. It will give you chance to relax and talk about her and share some memories.

Have you tried using meditation? I find it really helps. There are some great ones on You Tube and they are a good way to relive stress, anxiety and sadness.

Posting on this site also helps because however you are feeling someone has been there and truly understands.

Yvonne

Hi Shaunmc
Seven years for me. Still awful. You are in ‘good company’, that sounds wrong but I hope you know what I mean. Over the years (I only recently found this site… I wish I had found it a long time ago), people close to me obviously had sympathy etc. etc., but they have not lost their husband/partner. You cannot possibly know what this is like unless (unfortunately for us), you experience it yourself. Please hang in there, some days are worse than others. Keep writing, it helps. My thoughts are with you. xx

hi Yvonne
hope you are OK ?
thank you for your lovely response.
loneliness is a terrible thing especially when my little one has gone to bed
me and Jane had such a beautiful relationship and did everything together just being with each other we felt blessed.
i have took some positive steps this week whilst im off work sick (again).
i have looked at going to benidorm in February next year as my daughter hates the hot weather so it will be a lot cooler then.
secondly i am planning a change of career as at the moment i am a HGV driver doing 2 nights a week which is a lonely job which i have realised this is not helping me at this moment in time so i have an interview to become a support worker in a local care home.
hopefully meeting people will help me out of this depression and my last bit is i have been given a place on a CBT course to help me.
sorry for the long chat but im like an old woman just cant shut up…but that is what ive missed
take care
shaun
x

Hi Shaun

It sounds like you are taking lots of positive steps to make changes in your life. I am sure a change of job will be beneficial for both you and your daughter. Being a HGV Driver is a really hard job and I’m sure your daughter will appreciate you being home and not away.(I hope you get your new job) The one good thing about care homes is everyone loves to chat so that will be good. My husband and I were together 24/7 as we ran a business together. I really do miss our conversations.

I’m sure the CBT will help. I heard good things about it.

Well done for embracing all these new challenges - I hope it all works out for you.

Yvonne

hi Annette
thank you for your lovely message.
i hope you are doing OK ?
does the pain get any easier after 7 years (sorry to ask) as 2 years is hard enough.
i am also glad that i found this site as it gives you the strength you need to express some of your thoughts and feelings.
i know what you mean about people close to you giving sympathy especially if they have never lost a partner/child.
they mean well but you need another output and sometimes a stranger is the best medicine.
it annoys me when people say that suicide is a selfish act but how wrong they are as it takes strength and courage to go through with it as a last resort.
look after yourself
shaun

Hi Shaun
Thank you for your reply. Yes, it DOES get easier over that time. Let me explain, we had a business. We were together 24/7 for 24years. The business was just starting to get to a stage where we were getting ‘known’ in our field. Then ‘it happened’. We were in the middle of one of the biggest contracts that we had taken on, (small in others’ eyes but it’s all relative). What could I do, go through or carry on. My husband passed away at approx. 15.30 on the Sunday, I was in the office on Monday morning. A lot of people were asking (not asking me…) how on earth?? In my head, there was no choice. I ran it for an additional five years on my own then (before it killed me…) finished, by choice. Don’t get me wrong, financially that wasn’t a good decision but health wise, a no brainer… Now, I am grieving. Due to all of the above, this sounds a bit strange, but I didn’t have time and I also didn’t allow myself time to think. It would have broken me and I wouldn’t have been able to keep going.
So to give you some solace, where you are at, is so normal and it all takes time. We cannot change what has happened to us. You just have to give yourself time and when you are ready, start doing some things that make you feel good, however small. Don’t feel guilty if something makes you happy, you are alive and as we all know on this site, we are here in the grand scheme of things, for a very short time.
When you talk of suicide, this is something that I have never contemplated. No, for some incredible reason, our loved ones have been taken from us but we have a job to do on their behalf. They didn’t get the chance. Please look after yourself and when you are feeling low, reach out if not to someone you can talk to, then this site. You won’t be judged on here, we’re all in the same boat.
Be kind to yourself. Fresh air is always a good one for me.
Annette

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