This forum and generally talking to a group like this is all new to me! But it will be a year tomorrow that I lost my best friend in the world. Every day is so hard without her and I’m starting to feel that friends around me are sick of me being miserable all of the time. My close family and husband are amazing but I just feel so lonely. Don’t really know what to do tomorrow to celebrate her as I think I’ll just be a crying mess - any help on how to face another “1st” would be greatly appreciated,
Hi. Wendy.
Welcome, and rest assured you are among friends. Only those who understand and know how you feel are on here. There are so many lovely people willing to help. Have a good look at some of the posts on ‘Losing a Parent’. There is no easy way in grief. No matter how long it can hit us just as hard as when it happened. I’m over a year now after losing my wife. I do feel better and the pain is a bit less, but it still hits me when least expected. You can be surrounded by people but still feel lonely. Nothing can replace the one who is gone, and that big hole in your heart hurts. Perhaps to think of your mum and just be quiet may be the best thing to do. You could go to a place you went to together, but don’t think you have to do anything and feel bad if you don’t. It’s in your heart you can commemorate her.
This community is all about talking to those who understand. Have you anyone close who would help and you can talk to? Anytime you feel you need to unload come on here. We have all done our share of that. You can in the sure confidence that you will be understood. No judgments or criticism.
And if it comes to you being a ‘crying mess’ so what? Cry if you want. Do anything other than bottle up emotions.
I very much doubt those around you are sick of you being miserable, not if they have any experience of the pain. Losing you mum was a life trauma and a year is not long to begin to find some peace.
Take care. Be kind to yourself. Blessings, and you are in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.
Wendy1:
Hi I just want to say I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m also feeling the pain of losing my mum, I too have a wonderful partner and three beautiful daughters but can’t help but feel alone and abandoned. Just want to say I’m here if you ever want to chat and sending a big hug to you at this sad time.
Thank you Jonathan, your reply is so appreciated and your words so comforting. Life, as you know, is so different now, and learning to do things differently is sometimes a struggle. I think about her every day and almost don’t allow myself to be happy as she should be with me and didn’t deserve what she went through. I know it will get easier but who knows when! Sincere thanks again and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Hi wendy
I lost my beloved 74 year old mum to a sudden brain haemorrhage in june. Life is very difficult without her.
I fully understand where you are coming from.
Cheryl x
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Hi DW - thanks for your reply and so sorry for your loss. My mam and I were always together and not to have her suddenly was such a shock. I nursed her for 4 months and she was only 70yrs. I feel so angry at times as she didn’t deserve this. Do you find that when people ask you how you are you say fine, blah blah, but are really crumbling inside? I am usually a positive, motivated person but I just can’t seem to kick myself back into touch. Take each day as it comes I suppose! Thanks again, much appreciated
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Wendy1:
I also get feelings of anger coupled with guilt. That’s she didn’t deserved to suffer like she did, and that I should’ve done more to help. I do yes, I always tend to say I’m fine thank you but inside my whole world’s been ripped apart. Sometime I just feel like saying,’ you know what, no I’m not fine’ but I don’t want to burden other people I feel like they don’t want to hear it. I’m the same as you, usually very motivated and driven, I have lost motivation,no struggle to even get out of bed in a morning now. My partner keeps telling me to not be so hard on myself, I always expect more of myself , but when your grieving it takes time, time to adjust to life again.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a pain like no other isn’t it. I lost mum 6 months ago. I’m sad all day every day. I can put a smile on my face. I can appear to have a good time. But inside I’m completely broken. I think people are fed up of me too. It’s exhausting pretending to be ok. So now I don’t pretend as much. She was my mum. She’s gone. I won’t get over it ever. But I guess we will find a way to live with it.
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Jooles45:
It definitely is a pain like no other, I still can’t believe my mum has gone forever.
I’m sorry for the loss of your mum. I’m exactly the same as you, but I’m so tired of acting like I’m ok and I’m coming to terms with things. I lost my mum on the 9th of january. It feels like people who don’t understand expect you to be ok now the funerals over. The hard work has just begun for me as I have to now move on with my life without my beautiful mum in it. Thank you for your message.
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I empathise so much with you all. It’s true what they say that you don’t really understand someone’s grief until it happens to you. I have very brief moments of happiness and then quickly remember she’s not here and reality sets in that I’m not able to touch, hear, smell or see her. We have been blessed with beautiful mams and I hold on to all my memories.
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Hi Wendy, I can empathise with you too. 6 months for me now since my 73 year old mum was robbed so suddenly of her future, seems like yesterday. I wish I didn’t understand but I do, it’s all mixed up. I can be happy, I can work, I can socialise, but it’s all tinged with sadness. A lot of the things I can do that make me happy, the places I can go that make me happy, they are all things I had done with mum in the past so although I still want to enjoy them, the sadness is there in the background and will bubble up and remind me what’s been lost. It’s the simple stuff, the mundane stuff, I just wish so much it could be done again. I’m a bit of a dreamer, always have been, it’s not much help or comfort at times like this and I wish I could just switch it off sometimes. I can relive the past and it’s lovely to do so but then it just makes me long for it again. Oh well. This is a lifelong reality we are now all in, we are all so lucky to have had such wonderful people in our lives. As you say, each day as it comes, moods and motivation and in a constant state of change and we must just embrace them. We are allowed to be happy of course, so if you are feeling your mood lighten, don’t feel guilty. There is no right way to feel at times like this. So as I say, I get it. Take care. x