Missing mom

Mom died on Christmas Eve , 2016. She was a good age - 89 - but she was full of life and plans for future days . She had Myeloma and passed away within a few weeks in hospital. Feelings remain raw and I miss her so much . Part of the pain is to with regrets . Regrets that I didn’t do more . That i didn’t stay longer on hospital visits . That I didn’t tell enough how much she meant to me …to us all . That I wasn’t always patient with her . I would do anything to be given another chance . They say time heals …I’m not sure it does really . We just have to adapt and manage …but there is such a hole now

Dear Richard

I am sorry to read about your Mum, it is awful when someone you love becomes ill and you have so little time left to say good bye. You say about not staying long for hospital visits, your Mum I am sure would have been so pleased to see you even for a short time each visit. You went to see her which means she would know you cared for her greatly as well. I think we are all guilty of impatience sometimes, it is almost a sign of love that we want the person to be perfect all the time.

I lost my Mum in 2016 and as you say there is such a big hole in my life. We do indeed have to adapt and to change and it is very hard some days to do so. I am not sure about time healing but focussing on happier times and memories does help. I try not to remember my Mum as she was in hospital and when she came home. That very sick lady was not how she would want to thought of. She would want to be the sparkly laughing happy person she was at a family party held for her a couple of years before.

I have a couple of photos of Mum on my mobile phone in better times and I find comfort in looking at them if I am feeling really low or weepy. I know not everyone can cope with photographs of their loved ones but it does work for me knowing I can look at them whenever I want to.

I wish you well for the future. You have this forum so keep coming back if you need to.


Hi Mel. Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply and for those lovely words .

For a long time the only image I kept seeing in my mind of mom was of her in the final seconds . I am starting to remember happier times and realise that the great majority of her life was a happy and fulfilled one

Thankyou again …it has really helped to share