Hello everyone
It’s been 7 weeks since losing Mum.
This week has be particularly bad for me…
Feeling so upset & missing not being able to tell Mum about what I’m up too.
Walking to work today I just started crying in the street & on the train home this afternoon…
I find crying very helpful with the grief process .
It’s just so tough isn’t it .
I can’t believe I’m not going g to see Mum again & it hurts so much.
Good to get stuff out on this site it helps a little just writhing stuff down.
Thing if all who are in the same boat.
Love
Will.
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Hello @Kettle,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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Hi Will,
8 months on 29th this month since i lost my Mum so I’m further along the ‘journey’ but you’re quite right tears do help.
I find that depending on how big the ‘wave’ is depends on the amount of tears and period of time i cry for then, it just stops.
Almost like for that moment the grief grips me, it might be 2 minutes maybe 10minutes. And then off i go again - washing up, tidying toys, whatever it is - Im okay again … other times on and off for the whole day and i cant shake it … strange thing grief …
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Elle
Thank you for your words.
It means a lot.
The grief is all so new with me & processing Mum not being around is so hard…
Sending love & thoughts to you with your Mum.
Loosing someone you love so much hurts so much dosen’t it……
Take care
Will
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Hi Will,
Thank you for your honest and heartfelt post.
My name is Elijah and your words resonated with me.
My loss is much further in the past but some days it feels like yesterday because even though it was in 2009, I haven’t processed it at all.
I really identify with you saying you wish you could your mum what you’re up to, I find that one of the hardest things tbh. Whether it’s good news, something bad and need her advice or just met someone she would like I wish I could tell her, maybe sometimes I think I still should, then I think it would seem mad lol but I tell myself all the best people are a bit mad.
I really feel your pain, grief is something people can tell you about yet nothing prepares you for it at all.
I always hated the platitudes and same sayings people gave you and I know it would be the same ones I would give them but I remember it being not long and someone made me a lasagne so I didn’t have to worry about cooking and it meant more to me than any words tbh.
I wrote a poetry book around the time my mum died so I do agree writing helps definitely.
My mum’s anniversary is this Friday and im finding it tough as I have a big family but due to religious differences I don’t speak with anyone of them for years.
I really feel for you Will, I know it sounds corny but be kind to yourself, allow yourself something treat wise a way to say your doing well and boosting yourself as well as allowing normal feelings, I think prioritising your grief and understanding it’s all normal what you are going through, no matter how abnormal it feels in the moment.
I’m always here for a chat for anyone.
@Elle2123 Hi Ellie also. I’m sorry the anniversary is coming up and honestly I really get what you mean by waves, the emotions can play havoc, have you got plans for the 29th or are you trying to keep it as as normal day as possible considering the circumstances? only reason I ask if I don’t know if I should do something out of the way for my mum’s or try and do what I would normally do if that makes sense?
Take care both and thank you for posting, it’s very comforting knowing I’m not alone.
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PS Sorry I changed my name recently due to family issues, my name is Cole, nice to meet you all.
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Thank you for your words of support.
It means a lot.
Singing my love and support to yiu as I know we are all in this place together & if we had our way we’d rather not be in this place….
But reaching out to people who genuinely care & get a response from helps and you do realise that many feel feel & go thru the same thing with greif.
I woke up this morning & instantly felt sick in my stomach with grief…
Good to chat and again thank you for your response & words…
Love for now
Will
It’s hard isn’t it, it does help getting your feelings out. I lost my beautiful Mum who was also my best friend just before Christmas. I’m finding it so difficult as we spoke every day & saw each other often. She was the person I turned to when I was feeling low. She was the person who was there & helped me through the loss of my husband. Finding it particularly hard at the moment, I’m getting bombarded with Mother’s Day stuff & it’s just been her birthday. I miss her so much 
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Hi Jodel
It’s so hard being in this greif process isn’t it.
I totally understand what you’re saying.
I woukd keep Mum up to date with what u was up to most days.
And that’s what is triggering me at the moment.
I was walking to work yesterday & a wave of stuff hit me which made me cry.
It dose help to have a goid cry doesn’t it…
I’m always here if yiu need to just say anything, as people in our situation need to reach out if it feels right.
Sending my love & thoughts and do wish that weren’t in the club but we are and let’s help each other.
Love Will
@Jodel712 hi there am thinking of you with both losing your mum especially just before Christmas and also losing your husband. I really feel for you with the Mother’s Day stuff, it’s so much all the time. I can identify with your words about your mum, especially the parts about her being your best friend. My mum was the same for me, I only realise now even years after she passed just how much I spoke to her about, from the good the bad to the weird but she knew me better than anyone and I just feel not the same since and I wish I could just go back be that person again before she went, even just for one day. I find sometimes just talking about her helps a bit, even like her favourite movie, food, snack or just her quirky ways. Always happy to listen. Cole xx
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Thank you for your message, I’m away at the moment as didn’t want to be at home for Mother’s Day. I took this photo,
this little boat in the middle of the sea & it seems to sum up how I feel, a little boat, alone, trying to navigate the ocean, but a bit lost at sea.
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@coleteddy the 29th July will be the 1st year anniversery this month 8 months have gone by.
I dont do anything on those particular days …
On the 1st anniversery though, I have plans to return to the Hospice where Mum passed - just because I feel that she is/was there, has a connection to it … they have beautiful gardens and my children enjoyed playing there when they visited - although sadly only a few times.
My family and I are scattering my Mums ashes at the Crematorium next month so I might also visit there too.
My neighbour told me - shes a spiritualist - ‘you dont need a place to go , theyre always with you,’ which is lovely, but i like the quiet, serenity of the cemetery - its very peaceful. Maybe do something your Mum enjoyed or go somewhere she went?
@Kettle as im further along … there are fewer days that i wake up feeling sick, fewer nights i dream of Mum, fewer moments of absolute indescribable pain in my chest, fewer moments of catching my breath and trying to breathe again … i still get these moments but they have lessened. Its not any easier though …
Like you i find the little things i cant tell Mum the most heartbreaking. I have 3 children whom she adored and i cry and sob and scream and shout that shes not here to see them … everything they do i cant share with her. And the really small stuff - my washing machine broke! Ive started hanging the washing on the line! The really ridiculous everyday stuff that you just chat about … and no-one else cares but my Mum!
@Jodel712 im so sorry to hear of your husband and your mum. My Mum was there for some incredibly tough times for me through my years and its so ironic that the one time i need her to help me more than any other is when ive lost her…
I hope you’re all in a place tonight that is peaceful.
I dont work on Thursdays and have found them the hardest as i would always do the school run then have a cuppa and call my Mum. Recently ive found Thursdays less tearful … but Wednesday evenings have filled that space. Having worked Mon-Weds and been busy, im on a come-down and i havnt cried really for those 3 days, now here I am, time, quiet and my thoughts … it can be very lonely.
I miss my Mum xx
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I miss my mum too, she died just under 2 years ago. It was extremely sudden. My son was 8 and he’s struggled a lot with it - my 4 year old doesn’t even remember her which breaks my heart.
My dad died when I was 19 and he was only 47. So strange not to have either parent. I dream of them both all the time. Sending big love to everyone missing their mums and their dads too
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@Hobbes it’s hard losing your remaining parent isn’t it, you’re all of a sudden an orphan. My dad passed a long time ago too, he was young, but My Mum and he had divorced so I had a step-dad & he was like a second dad. He died 20 years ago so it’s been Mum & me for a long time. My sister lives away so I was a lot closer to Mum, she was my best friend. Sending love to you too navigating this journey. I’ve realised also there’s different grief, it’s hard to describe. Whether losing my husband suddenly perhaps numbed me to the devastating initial heartache & raw pain that I experienced when he passed, I don’t know, but this has taken much longer to feel it & to cry. Sorry don’t think I’m making much sense, it’s like my heart won’t take any more pain, it broke into pieces when I lost Derek & it’s not letting me process properly
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@Jodel712 that makes perfect sense. My nan lost my grandad over 30 years ago and although she had all her marbles she was deteriorating when my Mum was moved to a Hospice. She held my hand and said some lovely things about my Mum, her little girl but I also remember her saying she couldn’t cry, she cried all her tears for my grandad …
Sadly she passed away 9 days after my Mum … I havnt grieved for her properly because my Mum is so constant in my thoughts …
So I understand … it absolutely makes sense. And its okay too …
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