Missing Mum

My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic and liver cancer in March this year. She sadly passed away on April 11th. At the time I was on furlough so got to spend the last 3 weeks with her for which I am very thankful even though it was a hard time.
We laughed and we cried together. We shared so much in those 3 weeks. I didn’t really see the decline in her daily as I was with her all the time. We knew this was coming but it doesn’t make it any easier. When she passed we could only have 4 Family members to the funeral and still haven’t been able to have a memorial for her yet. This hurts because other members of the family haven’t been able to say their goodbyes.
My sister and myself sorted all mum’s things from the house. Thank goodness we had each other through this time.
My dad passed away 5 years ago. It was his birthday yesterday and it was the hardest one yet even though I know he got to spend it with mum again this year.
I was doing ok the first few months. Only working part time at the moment so I have far too much time on my hands. Waiting to hear what’s happening with my job so that’s also stressful.
Every day I sit and cry at the slightest thing. I still can’t believe mum has gone. I used to call her often and I sometimes pick up the phone to ring her. It doesn’t feel real. As time goes on I feel more sad each day.

Hi. MDS1968, Welcome to SR. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss, but you can rest assured that everyone on here knows how you feel. We have all been there so you are among friends. It’s so good you have family support. Support is essential during such times, and we should never be afraid to reach out for help. ‘Going it alone’ is never and option.
Crying is OK. Never bottle up emotions. You loved your mum and she you, and you had a good relationship to the end. Take some little comfort in that. It’s so difficult at first to realise someone is no longer there in bodily form. I used to think I heard the door open and have got up and looked only to be disappointed. Grief can play strange tricks on us.
Take care and come back and talk whenever you want . We are all good listeners because we know. Bless you. John.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I too feel thankful for being off of work during the peak Covid and got to spend what was left of my dads life with him. I think so fondly of the weeks we had together, and as crazy as it sounds I enjoyed lockdown for this reason. You’re so brave sorting your mums things and I’m sure that must have been so hard for you both. Have you got anything that you’ve always wanted as a hobby? I’ve enjoyed crafting and colouring books and have found it calming when I’m having a moment where I can’t control my emotions. You’re only human and you’ve got to let it all out, it’s so unhealthy to keep it in. As the saying goes, it’s ok not to be ok. X