Hi everyone, I have just found this site so this is my first post. Sending my love to everyone who has to come here.
I lost my beautiful mum last November. Christmas last year was all a bit of a blur but this year for some reason I’m seriously struggling. I have put the tree up as had special baubles made for my angel but that is a far it’s went. I’ve not done any shopping or anything. Every time I think of doing it I just can’t as I should be doing it with her. We would go shopping then have lunch somewhere then home to watch a Xmas movie and drink wine. My heart is aching so much and never ever realised it was possible to miss someone as much as I do
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Dear @Jen.logue
Welcome to the Community. I am sorry for your loss. Last year the loss of your mum was so close to Christmas and everything would have been a blur. Now you have ‘thinking’ time which is painful and you are still grieving.
Have you thought about starting a new tradition? How about making a paper chain with a message or memory of your mum on each link.
On Christmas Eve the Online Community is Lighting a Candle at 7.30pm for our loved ones. Please join in and then watch a Christmas Movie (perhaps your mums favourite) and have a glass of wine and remember her.
Sue Ryder offer an online Bereavement counselling - https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
There are topics on Losing My Mum which will connect you to Community Members who have experienced what you are going through on here that may help you too.
Take care.
Pepsi,
I thought we were lighting our candles at 7,o’clock
Christine x
Dear @Christine38
You are correct. Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate it. Now to amend my calendar. What was I thinking?? Take care. x
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Dear @Jen.logue
Please accept my apologies. The lighting of our candles is at 7.00pm and not 7.30pm as I originally commented. Take care. x
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Hi jen.logue
This will be my 3rd Xmas without my mum. Its nowhere near the same.
My mum used to love shopping and watching TV together drinking wine.
I put on a brave face for my partner and daughter but i changed forever when I lost my mum.
Cheryl
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I’m sitting here right now in tears and feel like my head is about explode. Seriously struggling today and just miss her so much. I am grateful that she isn’t struggling any more to breathe but I’d do anything to hear her voice just one more time.
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I’m so sorry to hear how bad you’re feeling today jen.logue. It’s horrible isn’t it. Last christmas was so strange for almost everyone that in a way I felt like I didn’t have to fully face my first christmas without my mum, it was just like being in a bad dream. This year I’m much more ‘with it’ but everything is full of the sadness of her not being here. Just desperate really. Can’t believe we’re never going to be all together again. She loved christmas, loved our family.
Please imagine a big hug from me xx
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Treehugger,
Yes this is exactly as I feel. It’s just so hard and exhausting. I’m trying to keep it together for my family. Thankfully my children are older and in their 20’s so they understand how I’m feeling.
Big hugs being sent to you too x
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Hello @Jen.logue
I’ve only just found this page and joined.
I lost my lovely mum, my best friend, end of November just past.
So this Christmas was so hard.
Like you and your mum we used to do so much together, she loved her life with me, we lived together and I was her carer when she got older, she died aged 93. But her mind was still as sharp as ever, but she had copd and peripheral arterial disease, which culminated in her getting a gangrene toe which then spread. It was so sudden too.
I found it so hard to completed, but we talked and talked and she said something was going to get her eventually.
She told me to be happy, to live a good happy life, to not shed wild tears and enjoy what she would have done. She insisted on me being like this, so when I am crying and my heart is bursting with the pain, I hear her words and it helps and I certain your mum would have wanted the same for you… but dont rush your grief, it takes time, be gentle on yourself and talk to her and remember the wonderful days and times you had together.
Thinking of you and others in this same situation x
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Sorry to hear the loss of your mum and I found your post quite comforting as your description of what your mum wants you to do sounds so familiar as I know that’s what my mum would want of me….sounds like they maybe would have got on well has they ever met.
Take care
Suzanne
Oh Bodie, what you are saying is exactly like my mum too. My Mum also had end of life Copd. I found out after she died that she was told she didn’t have long left. She was in the hospital in the October 2020 for 2 weeks then came home. She died 9th Nov 2020. She never told me what she was told. I always knew she was going to die from it, I just never expected it to be then.
She also had this huge fear of dying so it breaks my heart that she knew it was going to be soon but never shared that, I guess right until the end she wanted to protect me. Everything is still just so raw.
I am so sorry for your loss too 
xx
Our mums will always try to protect us, even if they are old and ill themselves. When my mum was dying she said these words to me the night before ‘please stay safe, thank you for everything and I’m glad we are together, but look after yourself and make sure you get enough sleep’
amazing eh
I am sorry you were not aware of your mums copd end diagnosis, copd end stage can end lives due to any chest infection or if struggling more for breath. My mum struggled every day with her breathing and her nebuliser didn’t help her anymore. But she got other things wrong with her vascular system and the body says enough.
How old was your mum? Was she on oxygen at all?
Think of how she tried to protect you and how strong she was and continue on in her name and be as strong, for her.
Suzanne hi,
Yes take comfort in the words about how my mum and yours would want us to live.
The poem is by Helen Steiner Rice and its called when I must leave you. Look it up and read it and imagine it’s your mum reading it to you. My mum told me to read it every time I struggled without her x
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@Bodie No, the only time she was on oxygen was when she went into hospital. She had a home nebuliser though. They wouldn’t allow oxygen at home because she still smoked. She was in and out of hospital regularly though with countless chest infections.
The weekend of her passing was awful. She was so confused and incoherent. I even checked the cupboard where she kept the brandy as it was like she was drunk. She wasn’t, it was her oxygen levels being the lowest they had ever been. When I called the ambulance they did her sats and her levels were 68. No wonder she was confused. She ended up in intensive care where they tried the bipap mask but nothing was working. It was then the decision was made just to make her comfortable 
that was the Sunday night and she passed the Monday morning. Thankfully I was allowed to be with her and held her as she passed.
How awful that must have been,she deteriorated so quickly, but with such low stats of oxygen, it is no wonder. My mums got low like that 2 days before she passed… it was so worrying and upsetting.
Mum had given up smoking some 20 years prior but whether it helped her live longer I’ll never know…
@Bodie
My Mum tried to stop smoking so many times but she struggled. She did cut down a lot though.
The last year of her life she we got her a house in the town that I live in so she could be closer to me to help her out. It was just me and her and it was one of the best years of my life. Having her so close by and being able to see her whenever I wanted was just fantastic. I’ll always be grateful for that year with her.
It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and I miss her every single day. I never thought it was possible to miss someone just as much as I do.
I hope you’re OK. Take care of yourself and sending love 
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