Missing mum

My first post here.
Lost my mum in March of this year after a short hospitalisation. Was unexpected as she was recovering but due to hospital negligence and gross misconduct - she didn’t make it home. She was due to be discharged day after she passed away. So was a big shock for us.
Just can’t get to terms with it - as still waiting for cause of death from coroner’s autopsy. Don’t think that will help in the grief but we demand to know what took her away from us. She was 81 but a very strong woman and we can’t help feeling she would have had a few more years with us - had she come home.
Just keep having flashbacks of the hospital stay, her brief talks, how she would say she was looking forward to come to my house and have pizza! Making me extremely sad, having difficulty sleeping and lack any motivation to do things and Crying everyday.
10 years ago my dad passed away and mum was always there to support, but now mum’s gone - never felt so ‘alone’ in my life! I 've always been a strong person but I’m finding this very very difficult and can’t seem to find any light at the end of this very dark and long tunnel.
What can I do?


Dear @Shiningstar123

Welcome to the Community. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum and for what you are going through.

What you are going through is all part of the grieving process and is normal. Unfortunately there is no quick fix with grief and it has no time limit, you do need to be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time. To add to your grief you are now awaiting the Coroner’s Report which could take a while.

Have you considered booking an appointment if you have not done so already with your GP to see if there are any local support bereavement groups in your area and for support?

Sue Ryder has launched a Grief Self-Help Service that will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief.

Please continue to reach out, you are not alone and we are all here to support you.

Take care.


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Hi welcome to the site you may need to have some counselling. They do it here or Cruse do it also. I understand how you feel especially the loneliness.

Thats something I struggle with everyday the house now is so quiet can’t get used to the emptiness. I too struggle with motivation even doing simple things seems to require a huge effort.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum, who I always lived with and latterly cared for due to some mobility issues, in march this year. It was also unexpected and sudden, she was 70.

The alone feeling is torturous, and the feeling of it it must be a mistake - surely she’ll come back any moment and it was all some sort of test.

Now and then I see a chink of light but then I get hit with what I call a grief quake

Being able to talk with others in a similar situation here has helped - on the thread ‘created a shrine for my mam’ - you’ll find a number of us who have lost our mothers and having to deal with this, you’d be very welcome to join it or just look through it - may give you some comfort .

Beki x

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Hi beki
Where do I find this thread?
New to the site and still trying to figure out how it all works.
I lost my mum 2 months ago

Hi here is that post for you

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Hi I lost my mum in March 2019 on the 7th first year I struggled coming to terms she had dementia it just got worse then lost dad 2017 in March 8th I feel alot of guilt cos I wasn’t there to say goodbye in time and I beat myself up by drinking to punish myself.

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I feel I should have done more with both my parents. I know I did my best but I still feel guilty.

I’m certainly having a ‘grief quake’.

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Riding out the grief quakes is tough - be kind to yourself, however that looks for you (me its a blanket, a cat and some mindless tv)

I think feeling guilt is one of the most common emotions, and its a cruel thing the brain does to us in the grief journey.

You did your best, know that.

Beki x

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