Lost my mum 5 months ago and still feel overwhelmed with grief, loneliness and sadness. I miss her so much. I miss chatting to her every day on the phone, weekend overnight visits with the kids, sunday lunches together, holidays together, her smile, her encouragement, love and cuddles. I still cant believe shes gone but feel the loss every day.
So sorry to hear that you’re struggling with the loss of your mum. I’m not as far into the journey as you but I feel the same. My heart breaks for her grandchildren. They miss her so much and she lived for them.
The loneliness is awful isn’t it. No one understands unless they’ve been through it and people seem to think you should be ok by now. As each day passes, the more we miss them.
Take care of yourself
Condolences to you and your family. Thoughts go out to you
I lost my mum last August and it is still terrible, sometimes i feel it can be just as hard as time goes on if not harder as times together get further away and new memories will never be made. Mynson gets older without her seeing. I also chatted to my mum every day on phone even when we had seen eachother that day! I think some feelings ease but others become more intense as becomes more real that wont see them. It can be very isolating as try not to drag others down as you say they think you might be feeling better by now but its actually harder in some ways that its not easy understand for others to grasp. Think the journey is a long one. Lets hope for a good day today.
Hello I just found this site and read your post, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum on Saturday, it was completely unexpected and we are all devastated. My mum was my best friend and she drove me mad phoning me so often but I’d give anything to phone me right now. I have so many happy memories of my mum as we did so much together and with my girls who she doted on. The last 2 days have been constant cycles of tears and disbelief that I wont see her again. I’ve created a ‘mum’ album on my phone with all our best pictures and videos which helps a lot. I just wanted to reach out to other people in the same situation.
Oh no so sorry to hear this news…its such a terrible feeling to lose someone who was such a big part of your life…, i did loads with mum. Its such a void. I havent reached out much till now…i think its good to share with those who been through…lovely you made an album…my mum didnt want a funeral as she hated fuss! I thunk of mum everday… i can imagine the deep sadness you are feeling now .
Aww im so sorry. It doesnt seem real at first at you feel youre living in some parallel universe. It felt more real to me after the funeral and i coukd then start to grieve. I have bereavement counselling which was brilliant and really helped me to process my feelings and understand what was happenning to me. I felt as though id never be able to feel happy again without her. But now i genuinely do feel happy again and although the sadness hits me at random times and i have a cry, i can think of her and smile fondly. She bought me a cherry tree when she was diagnosed and said it woukd remind me of her when she wasnt here. I have it in my garden and its beautiful. I sit next yo it and chat to her with a cuppa or a gkas of wine and think about her. Its comforting. Also, everytime a robin stops near me and starts to sing i believe its my mum coming to reassure me that im going to be ok. I hope this gives you some hope and some ideas for coping your heartbreaking loss. I remember that feeling in my chest as though my heart would literally break and i dont get that anymore. It really does get easier with time. I feel like its changed me in many ways but im determined to pull whatever i can from this and make good things happen for me and my family. I lost my dad 5 years ago too so i now have to rely solely on myself and that was a very overwhelming feeling at first. My mum was my absolute rock, my confidante, my best friend and biggest supporter. Nothing will ever replace her but i feel im getting stronger each week and month that passes and that shes willing me on. I now dont take anything for granted
Im grateful for and treasure all the good things in my life and the people i love. Xxxx
Hi Thank-you for your reply and for such a positive message. I can relate to so much of it even at this early stage, I feel in a good place today as I know she is at peace and looking out for me saying ‘ dont you worry about me just look after those amazing girls’ I see her sitting painting, which was her big love, by the sea with my aunty who passed years ago. I know she is in her happiest place which gives me comfort. I am so happy that I have no regrets and know she was included in every aspect of my life. I’m feel her with me in a positive way and hope that the strength I feel today will get stronger as time goes on. I don’t usually do this sort of thing so was a bit out of my comfort zone but I see it as one of many positive changes, I intend on making the most of everyday!
Im the same. Ive never used or posted on a gorum like this before but its good to feel youre not alone and that everything youre experiencing is normal. I had 4 months off work afterwards and it was the best thing i did. I couldnt face going bavk to work or even having to deal with any kind of stress or pressure. I couldnt cope at the thought of dealing with people in general! I was afraid i woukd just break down at any time. I lost my confidence when mum died. She gave me strength and encouragement to do and try new things. I felt like i wouldnt get that back but i am doing, slowly. I spoke to my manager at work and explained i couldnt return to my previous job. It filled me with dread as my emotional resiliance was so low and my job demanded i have all those things id lost. I moved to another team on my return to work to a much less demanding/stressful job and its been great! Those early days of losing mum were so hard. I really do feel your pain. Its like no other. I also felt relief in some ways that she wasnt in pain anymore and was with my nanna and her 2 sisters and that she would be sat listening to the sea which is where she was happiest. Another thing that really helped me was writing a journal. Again, not something id normally do but i read it can help. I wrote exactly what i was thinking and feeling at the tines i felt the most hurt. I wrote as if i was talking to mum directly and i cried so much while doing it. It was so cathartic though. I felt relief and could sleep better once it was all out of my head and on paper! Reading back its paunful to read but i can see the progress ive made and how far ive come. I rateoy write in it now but it serves as a good reminder that i have become stronger and able to cope without her. It makes me feel proud of myself because i know mum would be so proud of me. Talking to friends who have also lost parents has really helped too. Many friends have lost one or both parents. Im 46 yrs old so i guess its sadly inevitable. I just didnt think it would happen for another 10 years! I feel sad that mum wont see my boys grow ip. Theyre 8 and 10. She adored them and they did her. But then theyre lucky to have had such a loving nanna who made them feel so special because not everyone has that. I also feel the same. I was so blessed to have such a loving mum and we had such a close bond. Same with my dad. Others sadly havent have that so im thankful i did. xx
It’s amazing how I’m talking to a complete stranger but our experiences are so similar. I’m 48 and also expected/ hoped she’d be here another 10 years, she was in really good health except for her knees playing up, she recently bit the bullet and got a walking stick which helped as she loved her daily dog walk. I’m glad your in a better place now, it’s reassuring to know you can still be happy again, I do have a good support system around me, my 2 teenager daughters have been amazing and my husband is my rock even though he’s hurting just as much as he is estranged from his mum and saw my mum as his mum now. I think the thing I’ll miss the most is hearing the phone ring and having a quick chat that always turned into 45 mins . The one thing I’m glad about is that she didn’t suffer it was all very quick, just got the funeral to get through, right now I’m focusing on what wear!?
Yes i really miss the daily phone calls too. Just to talk about anything random and what the kids are doing. Whenever i wanted to share some good news or bad, ask advice or just needed a rant! I miss it too. I understand about your husband too. My husband also misses my mum too. Although he does still have his mum, he had a really good relationship with mine. Lots of similarities in our experiences! I wore a really colourful dress for mums funeral because she loved fashion and colours/patterns. She always looked beautiful and always did her hair and makeup to face the world. X
I always did my mums hair too! She always looked beautiful and took pride in her appearance, and yes it’s my mum always asked the same questions how are you how’s the kids what you up to eat chatted about my lemon tree that was dying and how many flowers she had on her orchid I bought her . It really is the little things in life that matter. I think my mum would appreciate something colourful, she was all about the fun and just wanted be around her family ALL the time, always the first one up and last one dancing. Made me feel old today in a weird way and not special anymore although my kids and husband constantly remind me I am. I have 2 golden retrievers too who are always around for a cuddle. I know I’ll get through this but these chats really help. Thankyou x
Your mum sounds wonderful. She sounds as though she enjoyed life and lived it to the full. I understand the ferling of not ferling special. My mum always complemented, encouraged me and told me she was proud of me,…about how is am as a mum, my job , my hobbies etc. I feel like no one will ever love me as much or the same as she did. I felt like a child again for a long time, vulnerable and lost. Especially because i lost my dad too. I literally felt like an orphan! Its hard accepting the respibsibility of life in general, parenting etc without a parent to look to for guidance and support. My mum just knew me inside out. Ive been with my now husband for 30 years but he still doesnt know me like mum did. Xx
Yes exactly… must be hard to lose your dad too, my dads 81 and as tough as old boots. He’the opposite to my mum and more old school stiff upper lip type, we do get on very well but in a different way, his way of dealing with it is to carry on as normal and not make a fuss which I struggle with a bit. I understand he has a lot on his plate as my mum did everything, washing, gardening cleaning etc he did cook though but it’s a big change. I have 2 brothers but was the only daughter and the youngest so we were very close. Whilst they were watching football we’d be out shopping. I know I’m lucky to have her until she was nearly 80 but I thought I’d have her for another 10 years yet as she was so healthy. My dad found her on the bathroom floor unconscious she hadn’t been there long but had a massive bleed in the brain probably because of her high blood pressure. She died within 4 hours I still can’t believe it.
Hi there, i’m so sorry for your loss… my story is similar… I lost my mum, who I adored, 4 months ago. I spoke to her every day… She lived round the corner from me, so I popped round for a cuppa and a chat every couple of days… she was the loveliest mum to me… we laughed, we joked, we shared news gossip and scandal together and shared a love of dogs and used to go on lovely walks together, and the kids absolutely adored her, and she adored them. We lost her so unexpectedly (she was only 68), I was with her the night before and she was fine. I was also with her when she passed away out of the blue the following morning… (from an aortic aneurism)… the paramedics thought she was fine when they arrived, but then she just suddenly went, whilst I was trying to find her dressing gown. They tried everything, even had the air ambulance over, but they couldn’t save her. The initial disbelief and shock was so terrible…I couldnt sleep for weeks. I also had to sleep with my 17 year old daughter for weeks as she was distraught. We all miss her so much. I still can’t believe shes gone… The sadness is overwhelming some days…when I’m at work I try and pin a smile on but i find myself crying in the toilets every day…I just miss her so much…
Hello sorry to hear about your mums story, yes they are similar stories, I too thought when I saw her lying there that it would be a heart attack and they would save her like you see on tv so often… it was such a shock to find out it was far worse and she would be gone so quickly. I have 2 daughter 18 and 19, my 18 year old has taken it harder and she’s also in the middle of her A level exams, I’m so proud of how she’s coping, we do plenty of crying and chatting together. My eldest comes for dog walks with me and. again we have lots of chats, I don’t know what I’d do without them. My husband too is so sad for me even though he’s hurting too. I seem to start of the day quite strong and it hits me a bit later in the day usually when I’m expecting that phone call where we put the world to rights if you ever feel like dropping a message when your feeling down at work feel free it you think it might help. I’m finding that when I usually would be chatting to mum writing and reading other people’s experiences and feelings is so helpful. Thanks
I did lots with my mum too so it’s good we have lots of memories I’m so glad I made the most of my mum when she was here, we had our moments of course! But had such a strong close bond. I’m so sad for my dad who is struggling, it’s only 4 days since she died and it feels like 4 months. He sent me a message saying “how little noise I make, the silence is deafening “ it really got to me, I just want to make him ok again I tell him it will get better, I just hope I’m right. I suggested we take my mums ashes to Scarborough she lived going there and would have loved one more trip to the seaside. It’s just so hard isn’t it.
I hope your mums funeral goes well, its a very busy time… just to say, we suggested to people to wear a splash of colour as my mum loved wearing bright colours. She also loved broaches and had a huge collection, so the whole family (my husband, two children, my brother, wife and two kids, my dad and our cousins) all wore a couple of mums lovely broaches and lots of people at the funeral recognised them and commented on them, which was lovely.
Wishing you all the best for the big day and hope it goes well. Xx
Aw Thankyou that’s such a lovely idea. I’m wearing the necklace my mum was wearing when she passed, my dad said she wanted me to have it, it meant a lot to her and does to me, I gave the one I was wearing to my youngest daughter, she loves jewellery and the one I was wearing was a gift from my mum so it felt right. I hope you & your daughter are feeling a bit better with each day/week that passes.
Thats lovely that you’re wearing your mums necklace, and lovely that you’ve passed yours onto your daughter . Very fitting for you to have it and probably feels lke you have a piece of her with you wherever you are…I have my mums favourite scarf and fluffy body warmer hanging up at home … its comforting seeing them and having them… I’ll prob have them hung up in my bedroom forever! My dad wanted to wash everything after mum died but I couldnt bear to lose her smell so i took some of her clothes home with me… i find it comforting to have them.