Now almost 5 months since i lost my Mum,everyday i still struggle to cope with it.
Last week i went away with my Daughter and Grandchildren,but i still felt l was shutdown in myself.
Tomorrow i’m due back to work,but feel i could cry as i dont want to go back to work…
My daughter and her friend says i should contact my doctor as i’m not coping.
I would like some advice,is it still early days to call for help?
My Birthday is in September,people have said the first year is the worst when things like Birthdays come round and our people we love and lost aren’t there…
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Sue Ryder offer Counselling if your Doctor won’t refer you or if they offer medication which you don’t want to take. (Link here : Online Bereavement Counselling Service | Sue Ryder)
It’s never too early to call for help. Grief affects us all differently and at the least, if you are able to talk to someone about yours then you will hopefully get some idea of where you are and what future support you think you might find useful. Best wishes
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@SarahJane60 sorry to read of your daily struggle, it’s so hard isn’t it? I’m a few months on, as my Mum died suddenly in January. I still find it hard but here are a few things I have found that help:-
Keeping to a simple daily routine that includes getting outside in nature for a walk.
Having a little tribute in my living room, a favourite photo in a frame with little vases of flowers. Yes, I do talk to it sometimes too…
Looking at photos and purposefully remembering memories, good times and bad.
Reading books and information about grief, which normalises everything I’m going through.
I didn’t want to return to work either but I did, because I knew my Mum would want me to carry on. Being at work gives you distraction and structure so it does kind of help.
Anyway, ultimately if you’re really struggling please seek help from your doctor. Best wishes xx
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Rosiepink,
Thank you for your message.
I have a Tribute photo of my mum and a box full of photos of her and the family as I’ve inherited a lot.
I was looking at all the photos yesterday.
Yes,you are right, working helps to keep the mind focused on something else,it’s just getting back there is a struggle…
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I went back to work after 3 months and I was no where near ready, I am now struggling being back but I was unhappy where I work before anyway so that doesn’t help.
I am supposed to be starting a new job soon and I’m just waiting for a start date.
I lost my Mum coming up 6 months now and my world is still turned upsidedown and I’m trying to figure out who I am without my Mum. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to endure!
I find reading books about the afterlife provides me a little bit of comfort and I also write to my mum about my thoughts, feelings and just about my day which also helps.
I am sorry I can’t say much that will help you but it does help to know that you’re not alone in the way you are feeling. Sending you lots of love x
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Hi Sarah Jane,
My mum passed last Dec so I am now 8 mths in with my grief.I am no better so I would say what you are feeling is normal.Even the firsts are the same as every day to mey crying is more under control but as for everything else I am the sam.
Give work a go and then if you feel you can’t cope talk to your bosses and see if there is any help available to you. Could you work less hours or days ?
Keep posting on here as we are all grieving and understand.
Big hugs
Deborah x
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Ahh yes I forgot to mention that when I went back to work I went back on a phased return where I did less hours and gradually built them back up. So that’s something that you should definitely explore!
Unfortunately on my first day back they told me they want me back to my normal hours ASAP as they’re cracking down on people going off on the sick but I’m there thinking my situation is different and technically I was back at work.
Hi Jess ,
Good to hear from you again.I am retired now so the workplace is a thing of the past thank God.
People in work are just under so much stress with targets,moderating and paperwork that they don’t understand. Just do what feels best for you and if you need to take time off again then go to your doctor.
Put yourself first and always now ok.
Deborah x
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Jess1
Thank you for your kind words.xx
So sorry for your loss. My mother passed in January 2023 and I feel the same. I have lots of things around me from my mothers home that remind me of her, and my father. I light a candle for her and I speak to her. I visit my fathers grave, where mum will be soon and place flowers. We all have our own coping mechanisms and whatever brings us comfort is ok. We are all suffering with a huge loss and I feel so grateful that my parents were beautiful wonderful people and I was truly blessed to have had a great childhood. I hold on to all the amazing memories and that’s what helps to get me through this. Lots of love x
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Hi Marion2,
What beautiful words ! Just so lovely.
Deborah x
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Marion2,
Such lovely words…
As i’m finding it difficult to deal with the loss of my Mum,i am Blessed that Mum cared and Loved me and was there for me with words of comfort right to the end.
Bless her heart…
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Hi … did you know that officially, work places give you 5 days!!! Yes 5 days off for when you lose someone. It’s utterly heartless and ridiculous. I was told I could return when I was ready but manipulated into when they wanted me back. I’ve returned far too early and now I’ve made a small mistake at work. Good job I’d enquired a week before for a grievance counsellor as some businesses offer this. But mine doesn’t yet I work in care! I’ve got added stress and I’m exhausted. I’m going to hand in my notice, I need more time and and can’t be done with my career being ruined! I sobbed all night last night … felt like I had a target on my back or something. I need love in my life not added stress.
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Marion 2,
Go on sick leave . Don’t hand your notice in just yet. You are entitled to sick leave so go to your doctor for a sick note. Then after a few months off discuss with your boss how you can return on phased return maybe part time then building up. Youa re entitled to all this
Deborah x
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I was only given 3 but then I went on the sick. Just a number to them they should be something in place for bereavement.
I also work in a care home so I know what they’re like, you’d think it would be different especially with being a caring environment.
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Yes, it’s unreal that carers are not cared for in a lot of places of work. I’m now off sick and have requested a sick note from my GP. They still have implied that they want me back by 25th September though… I know I can’t be off forever … it’s just I haven’t had the time to feel free of commitments in order to grieve!
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I work in a Nursing home,i was given compassionate leave for both the time Mum passed and then time for the funeral,i went back to work feeling awful,but now into the 5th month since Mum passed i still have the same emotional feelings,its like that is never going to leave me however much time i was to take off from work if i took more time off.
Also people ask me how i am,I say" I’m fine thanks",even though i’m not,as i fear people will get sick of me always being on a downer.
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It’s 7 weeks since Mum died and I really can’t face work anymore. Dad’s health has worsened and he’s only got a few more months so the doctor says. My employer has been supportive over the last few weeks, but now are not pleased that I have said that I need more time. I miss Mum so much and am struggling with the thought of losing Dad so soon after.
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Ianwright
I’m sorry to hear that about your parents.
When we are working it adds to the pressure emotionally.
We try to carry on with normal life but its very difficult to cope with.
Take care of yourself.
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@IanWhite so sorry to read of your situation. It’s brutal… This is definitely a time for putting your own needs first ahead of what your employer wants. I’m sure your GP would sign you off, given the circumstances. It sounds like you have a great deal to process and it would only be a very unfeeling and unkind employer that would deny your need for more time off. Take care xx