Five weeks ago i lost my beautiful daughter after her having 29 years of cruel illness. now i am lost and broken, how do i cope.
I wish I could answer that for you. I lost my daughter in March but seems like yesterday. You find an inner strength from somewhere. People say to me you are coping so well but inside I am bubbling up. I have gone past the crying every day, but on the days I don’t I feel guilty. I looked after my daughter for the 18 months of her illness, she moved back home so I think I ran on Adrenalin for the last 18months. It’s finding me again, that’s what I need to do but am not rushing myself. Take each day as it comes don’t rush yourself and you will get there in your time. I lost my mum, dad and brother but that is nothing like the pain of losing a child. My heart goes out to you, but you will get there, just be patient with yourself
Thank you for your words of comfort, I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain aswell its absolute agony isnt it, my daughter had been ill since the age of 3 so ive looked after all her life, now i feel so alone and the days are so long without her.
Oh i can’t imagine what you are going through. My daughter was 42 when she died and had been ill just for 18 months. She had a tumour on her spinal cord, which was benign but very very rare so nobody really knew what to do. She didn’t look ill, for that I am grateful but am sure you like me wonder how to fill your days after caring for someone. I think it is a pain that will never go away, we just learn to deal with it better. You are a strong woman, you must be to have looked after your daughter for so long so you will get through it, you just need to find your way. I think st the beginning there is just overwhelming sadness which sometimes hits you when you least expect it. Just go with the flow xx
yes, i was lucky enough to have a couple of sessions with the hospice psychologist and that is what he said, dont try and fight the feelings. i must say talking to you is helping me a great deal so i thank you very much for your time. x
Oh no problem at all, always have a shoulder and an ear. Am going through it myself, just so hard. I sometimes just sit and think I can’t believe it’s happened. I think you have to do what’s best for you and just get through each day a day at a time. If you have a bad day, that’s fine, it’s a learning curve for us both. I can have a few days feeling ok then wham, but you know what, that’s fine. Our lives will never be the same, there’s part of us missing but that doesn’t mean our lives can’t be good. I think I have been blessed to have had such a good relationship with her and so many happy memories. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have a good day, it doesn’t matter. Tomorrow is another day xx
I lost my 43yr old daughter last April. finding it difficult to come to terms with.
It is hard because it’s not the order things are meant to happen. I think to start with I just ran on Adrenalin. She was a single career girl so there was so much to sort out and a house to sell, I cried every single day. Then when the house was sold I was lost, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, we did everything together so my life has changed drastically. I don’t ever feel angry and think why her, I just think she was unlucky with the illness she had. She had the best care from all the hospitals she was in, everyone tried so hard and so did she. It just wasn’t meant to be. I feel blessed that we had such a good relationship and have more memories than a lot of people. Old schoolfriends of hers who she hadn’t seen in a long time have reached out to me and even a couple of past boyfriends, which has been lovely and they have shared memories too. I would love one last cuddle with her, she was a great cuddler, but would I want her back, no not how she was, that would be selfish of me. I’ll never get over losing her but learn each day to cope with it better. You will too, you just have to be patient with yourself. I used to wake in a morning and think oh no, another day without her but it does get easier honestly x
I lost my 42yr old son three years ago and though I have now accepted it, it doesn’t lesson the heartache you just learn to live with it…You get bad day’s and good day’s . But I am so grateful he was MY son if only for a short time…Though we cannot see him he, will live with us forever. xxx
Oh you do, we were so lucky to have them even if only for a short while. I still have more bad days than good but that’s fine would be more worried if i wasn’t upset. Still part of me expects her to walk through the door text me. She was one of these that never deleted e mails or messages so I have hundreds of her messages to look back at. Priceless x
That is what i’m doing but an hour at a time. i have so many beautiful memories but the awful final ones keep pushing to the front at the moment. i am trying to get a dog for company and to make the house feel less empty.
Dear Jude and Lyne,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter’s I lost my son Matt May 2019 and its a great comfort to read through his hundreds of messages he used to send jude i think it is a brilliant idea to get a dog we have had ours for 9 years and they are so loving and they need you so much and they have to go for regular walks which is so good for you as when you are out in the fresh air you will feel so close to your daughter, also on the bad days they force you to get up and get out which helps you get through each day one step at a time, sending my love to you all xxx
I must admit I have 2 dogs, well 1 was my daughter’s but she lived with us for the last 18 months. They have been my saviour. You just need to concentrate on you and do what’s best for you, you’ll get there x
I love my messages and she was the in,y one who called me Jude, she said I never answered if she called me mum (not true) I have some videos we took when the dogs were pups, she’s not in them but her voice is. Funny the little things you grasp on to. I have her ashes at home too, I bought a lovely pot and her casket is in there with plants on top and a matching pot next to it with a plant called Angels Wings in it. A lovely big silver leaf that stays the same all year. I love to sit in the garden so she will be with me
Sorry I meant to say Lynne when I was talking about getting a dog, but they are such a comfort and am sure they understand how you are feeling Matt was buried and I visit the cemetery most days its a lovely spot and even though they are always in our thoughts you seem to feel closer when your outside amongst nature, in the early days i used to read Matts messages over and it was like I was chatting to him sending you much love xxx
Oh my dog was terrible after she died, I have never seen a dog look so sad, was heartbreaking. They have made me try and focus on other things, I am so glad I have them. We got Flint for Jo after her op, thinking she would go home but not meant to be but they are such good company for each other.