Missing my beautiful sister

It’s over 2 years since I lost my beautiful older sister.
She was diagnosed with oral cancer just at the start of Covid- we were living over 400 miles apart. It was heartbreaking to not be able to be with her initially as she got her diagnosis , her husband in another room on a video link and me on a conference call.
As soon as restrictions were lifted we visited as often as we could , my employers were fantastic. Sadly though the long distance was a bit much for my v elderly parents my father managing only once and my mother 3 times.

My sister always looked out for me and although we ended up living far apart we were always there for each other. Losing her has been like losing a part of me. The pain doesn’t get any easier.
Now visiting her home town ( also where I lived for a number of years) is so bitter sweet. Full of great memories stretching back to the 1980’s but it’s weird without her being there.

I tried to be there for her as much as I could during the really hard year of her illness.
She really struggled with having a feeding tube so not able to eat or drink and being so thin she couldn’t withstand the chemo so they tried radiotherapy to prolong her life but she couldn’t withstand that either then a couple of attempts at immunotherapy .

It was so hard to witness her go through all of this and her husband really struggled to accept she wasn’t going to survive.
I do wish I could have spent more time with her and said how much she meant to me but although we knew she was in limited time we didn’t expect her to go the day she did. So many regrets. Fortunately we were there and I was able to say goodbye. Her last day she was lucky enough to have a few people around her. However it was so sad having to ring my old Dad up and say she had gone. Whilst we were all glad she wasn’t suffering ours was ongoing[Missing my beautiful sister](https://Missing my beautiful sister)

But I think about her more now than when she was here. Does the sadness and pain ever end?

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So sorry to hear you’re struggling. It sounds like you really did have a lovely relationship with your sister. Regrets/guilt really is a part of grieving so many of us go through. Try and be kind to yourself xxx

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